


I'm Yours

by Strbck23



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 70,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6921025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strbck23/pseuds/Strbck23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

RATING: NC-17  
CATEGORIES: Story-Mulder POV  
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully relationship  
SPOILERS: MAJOR spoilers for Milagro, The Unnatural, Per Manum, Millennium, Orison, Sein und Zeit, all things and Je Souhaite. Minor spoilers for many others.

DISCLAIMER: Do I really have to say it? I don't own any characters in this story. I only own the action figures, and they don't do anything this cool.

SUMMARY: A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: (Originally posted to fanfiction.net October 2012.)This is my first serious attempt at fanfiction. Feedback is begged for! But please be gentle! All out flames may be printed out, lit up and fed to that demon baby from "Terms of Endearment." Please forgive me for any discrepancies in the timeline, I admire those who can keep track better than I. The insertion of Per Manum is entirely speculation of course, but to me it didn't seem they were physical in those flashbacks. Thanks to my friends Heather and Melissa for feedback. Special thanks to Melissa for reminding me how brooding Mulder can be. I probably still didn't come very close, but I did add a bit more angst due to her insight.

* * *

 

THE PAST:

It all started with that son of a bitch, Padgett.

When I threw open the door, swept the room and saw her laying there, I forgot all about protocol. I was supposed to search the whole apartment. I don't even remember the thought crossing my mind. I knelt over her, on auto-pilot. If I thought, I don't remember what. No guilt, no anger, those would come later of course. I stared at her for what felt like a year.

Finally, when she cried out and came to, my own heart started beating again. She immediately reached out to pull me close but I stopped her. I still wasn't convinced I hadn't lost her. Then our eyes met, I saw her terror and forgot about assuring myself that he hadn't taken her from me. She was there, and she needed me with an intensity that she had never shown, had never let herself show before. She clawed at my back and all I could do was rock her, my face contorting with our shared grief.

Who knows how long I did this, past the point of my back aching and my knees screaming out in pain. Only when I noticed her discomfort, that she was shaking and most likely going into shock did I get my ass in gear. I reached for my cell phone, and realized I had taken it out of my pocket while we were surveilling that piece of shit. I looked to the coffee table and tried to reach it. When I looked down at Scully and saw how pale she was, how much she was shaking, how panicked she still was I realized I couldn't leave her and reached into her own pocket. "Just hold on, Scully." I tucked some hair behind her ear and pulled out her phone and called 911. I then called the Bureau and told them to send the necessary people.

Once that was done, I sat Scully's phone, now smeared with blood, on the floor. I sat up and pulled her across my lap, my back against the couch. I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her, trying to keep her warm. I asked her permission with my eyes and slid my hand under her shirt, up her stomach. I felt through the sticky blood, up to the skin between her breasts, over and under her left breast. I sighed in relief when I felt no open skin, no wounds. I brought my hand out and pulled her shirt back to her waist. Our eyes met and she began to cry again softly so I pushed her face into the crook of my neck. "Shh, Scully," was all I could think to say.

Before I knew it the apartment was filled with people. I managed to tell them that the last time I saw Padgett was in the basement, and gave them a description of the other suspect. I doubted they would find either one. I was later told, of course, of the condition that Padgett was found in the basement. I didn't process the information then, I was hovering over the paramedics that were hovering over her.

At the first sight of other people Scully had started to return to herself, build up her walls. She was still quite spaced out, but she was answering their questions, and trying her damndest not to go to the hospital. We had moved her into my bedroom, out of the way of the investigation in my living room. The paramedics were talking to each other quietly, trying to assess how much blood she had lost. They were flabbergasted at how she had lost so much blood with no open wounds, but they didn't ask any questions on that matter. One of them asked me if she lived alone.

"Yeah, why?"

"I think we better admit her then, she's lost a fair amount of blood and we just don't think she should be alone for the next 24 hours or so."

I looked to Scully and we had a short conversation in one glance. "I'll stay with her tonight."

The two EMTs looked between themselves and also had a conversation-filled glance. "All right, we'll just let her finish this IV, make sure we can get her blood pressure back up. Ok?"

I nodded at the paramedics, silently thanking whoever (whatever) was up there that we had gotten a pair that respected Scully's position as a doctor and both of our positions in law enforcement. Otherwise Scully might not have been a happy camper. Just then I looked outside my bedroom and saw Skinner looking in on us. I knelt in front of Scully and took her hand. "I'll be right outside." She had noticed Skinner too. She nodded and I squeezed her hand before I got up and walked with him to the hallway.

First he wanted to know of Scully's condition, then I filled him in on everything else. I told him my final conclusion was that not only was Padgett directing the killer, that he had created and since destroyed him. Skinner wasn't ready to buy anything I was selling without Scully there to seal the deal. I wasn't surprised. He expected us both to make the official report to him when she was able. Finally, I asked him to do me a favor and lock my place up after everyone was done.

I went back inside as one of the paramedics was taking out her IV. The other gave me a few instructions before they left.

I knelt in front of Scully again and asked if she was ready to go. After throwing a few things in my overnight bag, I helped her stand and wrapped the blanket she had over her shoulders tighter around her. We walked down to my car, my arm around her shoulders. We drove nearly the whole way to her apartment without a word between us. At a red light a few blocks from her apartment I looked at her. Her eyes were closed and I saw the blood on her clothes and remembered the sight of her, when I thought she was dead. Without a second thought I grasped for her hand and with a gasp she opened her eyes.

"Sorry," I said and took my hand back, resting it on the gear shift between us.

She reached over and gave my hand a squeeze as we pulled into a parking spot. I grabbed my bag out of the back seat and went around to her, instinctively putting my arm around her again as we walked into her building.

I didn't want to sit on her couch with the state of my clothes, so I sat at her kitchen table to wait while she got her shower. I hated letting her go into the other room, parting from her side. I was dwelling over that panicky feeling I had gotten when I thought I'd really lost her this time. I buried my face in my hands and took in a shaky breath. Why does this always happen to her? It seemed she got closer to death every time she faced it. What would I do without her? The disappearance of my sister had driven me to forever search. But the finality of Scully dying…I shuddered to think of the person I would become. When had she become so crucial to my day-to-day existence? Why did it take an event like this to open my eyes to her essentialness in my so-called life? More importantly, why did she stick around? This was a thought I NEVER dwelled on. I was too small of a man to admit to myself very often that neither I, nor this path that had been laid down for her were not healthy and beneficial to her well-being.

When I heard her moving around in her bedroom I put my hands over my mouth and clenched my jaw. When she emerged, I was feeling extremely exposed after exploring my emotions so thoroughly. Fortunately for me, she avoided looking directly at me as she offered her shower to me. I hoped it was only the blood that kept her from looking at me, anyway. I promised her it would only be 10 minutes. I brushed my teeth and took my shower as quickly as possible. I changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and walked out barefooted to her living room.

She was sitting on the couch, a cup of tea in her hands. She almost didn't see me until I sat down, she was staring through the TV which was on a very low volume. "Would you like some tea? Or water?"

"No," I said. "You stay put."

She nodded, slowly, in that way that says 'I've already checked out of this conversation.'

I pretended to watch the TV too, looking at her now and then. After about fifteen minutes I could see her eyelids getting heavy. I couldn't bring myself to tell her to go to bed, nor could I watch her fight sleep. I knew she didn't want to be alone, so I slowly urged her to come closer to me. I grabbed one of her couch pillows, laid it on my lap and guided her by her shoulder to rest her head on it. I pulled the blanket off of the back of her couch and draped it over her. I stroked her hair a few times before she was out like a light.

As I watched her sleep the guilt and anger I mentioned earlier, that I had pushed away in my apartment, washed over me. Who did that bastard think he was? He couldn't know Scully better than herself, better than I. I put my feet up on her coffee table and continued to seethe. That part of his book, where he implied I look at her just like all the other males in our world. That's what got to me the most. He didn't know! That I had once told her something completely different. Right in front of what would later be the morons doorway, I might add. But did I really know her? Suddenly, as I looked down at her innocent sleeping profile it occurred to me that maybe she had doubts that left her susceptible to believing in his presumptuous words. That I saw her as this emotionless drone that must have no passion or desire in her personal life, if she couldn't show it at work. The tragic double standard for professional women. It was absurdity in my opinion, that she could possibly believe that I saw her as anything but larger than life. Beyond perfect. Perhaps that was why she was so quick to believe that maybe Padgett was on to something, being able to foresee what people were going to do. Because maybe she actually believed that he saw something inside of her that no one else, not even she, could see.

I randomly remembered the incident that lead to her tattoo—not that I hated it. I shook my head, not letting myself imagine it: the one glimpse I had gotten of the colorful ouroboros. Why did I think of that incident at that moment? Were the two connected? I took a step back and thought of it from the point of view of my psychological background. Usually, I tried not to 'profile' in my personal relationships. I couldn't help it, sometimes.

Were these acts of rebellion? Against the strong male influence in her life, me? It probably in some small way went all the way back to her father. It's the only thing that made sense. The only thing that would explain my otherwise smart Scully getting drunk, getting a tattoo and staying the night with some stranger; sitting on another stranger's bed drinking coffee that could have easily been drugged. How could Padgett be right? But it certainly was the only thing that made sense of why she would do this. And if this is what had become of it this time, I thought as I got an image of her on the floor with blood all over, what would happen next time? I felt my stomach churn.

I considered trying to tell her what she needed to hear. How do you tell someone what they mean to you without sounding like some ridiculously sappy, flute-filled love song on the adult contemporary station? Rose and Jack for $1000, Alex. I'm the king of the world…

Before I could finish that thought, Scully gasped and turned over onto her back, her head thrashing and her hands fighting off an invisible attacker as she let out a grunt. I moved my hand to her forehead and began to push her hair back away from her face. I grabbed her hands and said, "Shh, Scully. I have to tell you something." She immediately stilled, but I had no idea if she was awake. The words, in a whisper, came out anyway. "He was wrong. I notice you. I notice you every day. I see you as the most competent, most loyal partner a pain in the ass like me could ask for. And then some!" Perhaps I was angry at Padgett for even being the reason for her nightmares in the first place, and had to let her know he was wrong. Or maybe I had been wanting to say it…You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, right? The words kept coming.

For whatever reason I had lowered my mouth almost to her ear. "I also see you as my friend, as corny as it sounds, my best friend." My hand released hers and rested on her stomach. "And just in case that bastard is right and you don't know this, I see you as a woman. In EVERY way." I kissed her cheek right above her ear. "You deserved to hear this before some asshole came along claiming to know it's what you needed. I swear every time you're taken from me…" I had to clear my throat to keep my voice from cracking. "I swear every time that if I'm so lucky to get you back again, I'm going to tell you. Of course THIS asshole never finds the words or the time to say so. It's why I don't deserve you, and why I can't give you up. I'm yours." Holy shit. Where did that come from?

I cleared my throat again and closed my eyes, just staying there a moment. I didn't think, at least I hoped that didn't sound like a damned Hallmark card…if you left out the last two words.

I smelled her hair and sighed. If Padgett only knew. Yet another reason I couldn't believe in his 'abilities': He wrote me as someone that looked right through Scully. That couldn't have been further from the truth. Ever since she had nearly let me kiss her in my hallway before she was stung, and then my adventure in the Bermuda Triangle…my thoughts and curiosities had drifted more and more to my partner late at night. I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of her shampoo so fresh from her shower, storing the memory for later use. I was one sick puppy.

I was just then beginning to wonder if she was awake for any of that. Finally she sighed, sniffled lightly and I knew. She turned her head towards mine so I had to raise my head and look down at her. I looked at her wet eyes and asked her in a wordless conversation if she heard, no, if she understood what I'd said. She nodded, sniffled once more before smiling in a way that made my heart skip a beat. She understood me. My eyes held hers for another moment until she licked her lips. My eyes darted to them and then back to her eyes. I licked my own lips and found my thumb on her lips before I realized it. She inhaled deeply as my thumb brushed over her perfect bottom lip, and it took so much to keep from kissing her. I had done enough for one night and she had been through so much. I simply kissed her forehead before I leaned back on the couch again, allowed her to turn onto her side once more. With one hand on her shoulder and the other draped over the armrest, I slept with her the rest of the night.

xxxxx

After I taught Scully how to hit a baseball, I paid the kid. Ten extra dollars, I might add. I sent him home and looked over to Scully on home plate. We started walking toward each other and met somewhere between home and the pitcher's mound. Was that a twinkle in her eye?

"What?" she asked.

"You're all right, G-woman."

"Just all right?" she smiled and swung the bat around a little with one hand.

"Well, you had me backing you up."

"You don't think I can do it by myself," she stated. I saw the younger sister of two brothers come out in her. Bingo.

"You can always give it a try, but…"

"Get your ass back there, G-man." She pointed toward the pitching machine with the bat before turning around and stomping back to home. I smiled and watched her go for a moment.

"Go on then!" she turned and shouted while she walked.

"Yes ma'am," I said to myself. When I got back to the pitcher's mound, I turned off the machine.

"What are you doing?!" she shouted at me.

I carefully moved the machine to the side and picked up the glove I had brought, hoping I would get the opportunity to use it. I picked up a ball and got ready for a pitch.

She nodded and said something along the lines of "bring it on, then."

I threw one straight down the middle, and she hit a grounder straight for me. "Scully, out at first!"

She put her hand on her hip and stuck her tongue out at me. I didn't know if I was just observing it more since I'd told her so, or she was letting it show more. I had definitely been noticing the woman in her quite a bit the last few days. I smiled at her.

"What?" she asked, looking behind her, like I hadn't been looking at her.

"Get ready now!" I told her, lining myself up. I threw another one straight down the middle and she hit another grounder, that time making me hustle a little to get to the ball, but I did. "Scully out at first, again!"

"Yeah, yeah. At least I'm hitting them, Mulder!"

"All right, all right."

I lined up again, admiring her batter's stance as I did. Next I threw a fast ball, also right down the middle. It flew past her and she swung way too late. "Come on, Scully! Keep your eye on the ball!" I could see this was having the desired effect on her, and she put on her game face. She was immediately ready again. She stared me down and actually kicked the ground a little, digging her shoe in the dirt. It was coming naturally to her. I smiled and tucked my glove under my arm, pulling a package of Big League Chew out of my pocket. Of course I offered her some.

"Come on, Mulder!" she yelled as she rested the bat on the ground, glaring me down.

I shrugged and took a pinch, taking my time putting it back in my pocket and putting my glove back on. She sighed and got ready again. Finally I picked up another ball and lined it up. I threw her a curve ball. She watched it, waited for it and smacked it a pretty good distance into right field.

"That's good, Scully! Hips before hands though, do I need to come show you again?" I asked with a shit-eating grin.

"Just throw the ball, Mulder." She tried not to smile but I could see the smallest hint of one.

Smiling myself I picked up another ball. I threw one right down the middle for her, and knew it as soon as I saw her start to swing. She made contact and knocked it out of the park. We stood there smiling at each other for a moment.

"Am I out at first?" she asked and I wondered if she was going to stick out her tongue again.

"No, Agent Scully. That's a home run." She smiled at me and looked down, biting her lip. I wished she wouldn't do that, as endearing as it was. I so rarely got to see her really smile. "You had enough?"

"Yeah. Let's get out of here."

It took us a few minutes to clean up after ourselves. We walked around and collected baseballs in a comfortable silence. After we loaded everything into my trunk we turned and looked at each other, each with a hand on the car. "Did you have any plans for the rest of the night?" I asked.

"Why? You don't want to go home?"

"Not really," I say.

"Well then, where to?"

"Get in the car."

She nodded and did that. I drove a couple of blocks and pulled up in front of a brightly lit unit in a shopping center.

"Come on, Mulder. What's this?"

"Somewhere they don't sell non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicles."

She smirked and just sat there. "Go with it, Scully," I said and climbed out of the car. She hesitantly followed me and I held the door open for her.

The kid behind the counter didn't look too happy to see us. "You got about 5 minutes. You gotta take it with you."

"That's fine," I said. "I'll have the sweet cream, 2 scoops. Mix in the Snickers, put that on a chocolate dipped waffle cone, please…and whatever she wants."

Scully looked at me, scratch that, glared at me as she ordered low fat vanilla yogurt in a small cup, no fixins. I sighed at her in exaggerated contempt as I paid the kid. A few minutes later he was following us to the door. He locked it right behind us without a thank you. Scully looked back with raised eyebrows, not that the kid was watching, he was already turning out the lights. "Must have a hot date," I shrugged and we climbed in the car.

We sat there for a minute or so, while I pretended not to notice she was staring me down while I all but made love to my ice cream. I watched her take a spoonful of the boring crap out of the corner of my eye and looked at her as soon as she put it in her mouth, grinning ear to ear.

She tried to act like she enjoyed it for a moment, then coughed lightly and groaned. Then she laughed at the same time I did. "Jesus, I have no words."I simply raised my eyebrows and took a lick of my cone. She sat there and watched for a few moments, then she started wiping off her spoon. "Mulder, let me have some."

"Nope."

"….Please."

I laughed. "Oh, all right." I let her scoop a spoonful out and watch her eat it. She tried not to enjoy it as much as she did. I smirked and broke off a piece of the cone, holding it out in front of her face.

"No, Mulder."

"Yes, Scully."

She glared at me for a moment like she really didn't want it. Then rolled her eyes and started to raise her hand. She stopped and met my eyes again, dropped her hand and leaned in and took it with her mouth. Touché, Scully. Did I imagine her lip brush my finger? I cleared my throat and brought my hand back to my side, fidgeting slightly. I was seeing her as a woman, indeed.

A few quiet minutes later, I took what small bit was left of my cone, and her whole cup to the trash can in front of the place. I climbed back in the car and started the ignition. We both did the 'look at the other while the other isn't looking' thing a few times on the drive back to the park to pick up her car. When we got there she put her hand on the door handle, but didn't get out. We did look at each other this time.

I cleared my throat and raised one eyebrow. "Would you like another hips before hands lesson before bed, Scully?"

"Mmm, if only. But alas, the lights are out," she said, gesturing toward the ballpark lights.

"I know," I smiled and moved in closer. "There are some bases you don't need lights to find…"

She laughed, doing that endearing thing that maybe I didn't really mind so much. "Good night, Mulder." She hesitated and moved in a bit herself, then blushed, opened the car door and got out.

I knew she would hope I didn't see her blush, but it didn't take much light to see on her face. Still smiling to myself, I waited for her to start her car and drive away. "Good night, Scully."

xxxxx

As we stood there, watching the ball drop on the TV, I thought of what a year it had been. Most recently, we had gotten bad news back on our attempt at Scully's insemination. It had been a hard time for Scully, and for me. More than I cared to admit. Not just because I hated to see her go through it, but also because I had hoped more than I ever imagined that I might get the chance to be a father. Almost immediately after that, I had gotten sick and Scully went to Africa to do what she did for me.

But those things were in the past and there we were. We had become closer than ever. I felt there might even eventually be something more in the future, the more I thought about it. I had begun to feel happy around her. Wait…

God damn, I was not going to sound like a love-sick angsty kid.

I sighed. I watched the New Year come. Since when did I care what I sound like? I looked at her. She was everything to me and I'd told her as much. My touch stone, my constant, my one in five billion. I leaned in and she looked at me. No hesitation, I was going to kiss her. Another countdown: 3…2…1…

There were no fireworks, no rampant passion and getting the nearest empty room to ourselves. We didn't mind. We smiled at each other with a promise of what may come. I said something about the world not ending, and she agreed.

As sweet as it was, we both realized tonight wasn't right. We had been through so much lately, and maybe we needed time to heal. Maybe it was just some sick delayed gratification game we had going or fear of ruining the good thing we already had. But we agreed, yet again without words to let it be…for now.

xxxxx

God damn him! God damn Donnie Pfaster and every other sick fuck on this planet who ever touched her! I was on fire inside, but cold as ice outside. If he'd killed her though, he was mine. We both heard her coming at the same time. I wanted to punch his lights out, bash his head in and get Scully out of there. The look in her eyes stopped me though. What was this?

After she had shot him, she dropped her gun and stared at me, white as a sheet. I quickly knelt down, checked for Pfaster's pulse and sighed. He was dead. Scully looked at me questioningly and I nodded. How would she take this? I holstered my gun, then put her gun in my waist band, getting it out of Pfaster's reach as I was supposed to.

"Come here," I stood up and tried to pull her into a hug.

"No, Mulder." She looked at Phaster and started to move for the phone.

"Scully, come here!" I grabbed her and pulled her to me, not giving her an option.

She stood there stiffly and I just held her that way for a while. I tilted her head up towards mine. She wouldn't meet my eyes but I didn't mind. Our first encounter with Pfaster had ended in much the same way. I didn't force her to look at me this time, though. I knew her well enough now to know that she would come to me when she needed me. I just wanted to check her over. I untied the gag around her neck and used it to wipe up the blood under her nose. Didn't do the best job, but I couldn't stand to look at it.

"Where else are you hurt?" I looked down at her body.

She shook her head. "Stop it. Let's get this over with." I let her go this time.

A couple hours later I sat with her in her bedroom and discussed what had happened. I had no idea how to comfort her, and I hated myself for it. She packed a bag and we left, her landlord promising to lock up.

When we got to my apartment we took turns with the shower. When I came out she was sitting at my desk. "I'm tired. If you don't mind I'd just like to go to bed."

"Scully, we need to talk," I said, worried.

"No, I need to sleep."

"Fine," I sighed. "You're fine, as always." I said that a little more harshly than I meant to but she didn't even notice. "I just washed the sheets, bed's all yours"

She walked past me without a glance.

Hours later I was on the couch, reading some psychology book, trying to make sense of the world. Just as I closed my eyes and thought maybe I would doze only for a minute, something was wrong. I knew it before I heard her. I got up and was halfway to the bedroom when she made a gut-wrenching noise deep in her throat. They say you shouldn't wake a person from a nightmare, but I didn't even have time to think about what 'they say.' I went in and put my hands on her shoulders. Before I could say anything she was screaming wildly and fighting me. Fighting for her life, Scully style.

"Scully! It's me. Stop it, Scully!" She reared back and her fist made contact with my jaw. I grabbed her wrists just as she started to wake up.

"Mulder?"

"I'm here.." I let go of her wrists.

I waited a few moments while she came to, remembering why she was in my apartment, what had happened. She sat up and sighed. I looked at her in the small bit of light from street lamps outside, and my own lamps in the living room. Our eyes met and I saw her pain. I sat in front of her, tried to pull her toward me and she immediately winced.

"Close your eyes," I told her, and turned on the lamp next to my bed. I moved behind her and raised her shirt up her back as gently as possible. "God damn him!" I pictured the broken mirror in Scully's bedroom and with her bruised back in front of me I made the connections. He had thrown her against it. I slowly lowered her shirt and she sighed. "God damn him."

"Mulder…" she turned to me. "What happened to you?" She hesitantly motioned to my face, not wanting to touch it.

I shook my head.

"Jesus, Mulder." She hung her head down and I moved to sit in front of her again. "Stop it. They say you're not supposed to wake someone from a nightmare. I just forgot."

We sat there for 10 minutes maybe, both stewing in our emotions. Finally when I looked up at her, her eyelids were heavy. I lifted her chin to look in her eyes. I couldn't comfort her, I didn't know how. All I did was slowly move in and kiss the corner of her mouth, next to her split lip. I squeezed her chin a little between my fingers before I turned off the lamp and started to walk out.

"Mulder, lay with me?" It wasn't a desperate request, from a broken woman. It wasn't an invite to move our relationship to the next level. She simply needed me to be there, and I would. I kept my flannel pants and t-shirt on and climbed into bed behind her. I stayed over the blanket and she under, and simply rested my hand on her waist.

Was I hurting her? "Is that ok?"

"Yes," she said, and her breathing slowed almost immediately.

The next morning I was under the covers, she had turned toward me, and I had taken her hand at some point. I squeezed her hand gently and she slowly opened her eyes. I saw pain immediately. I brought her something for the pain and some water.

She asked me if I would take her to her mother's, so she could stay there while her apartment was repaired. I understood. She asked me not to mention this situation to her mother and I agreed. She would tell her in time. When I dropped her off, her mother wasn't there so I carried Scully's bag to her mother's porch and made sure she made it inside safely.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked. I didn't add 'alone.' I knew she was capable of taking care of herself.

"Yes. Thank you Mulder." Before walking inside she turned back to me, pulled me down with a hand on the back of my neck and kissed my bruised jaw before giving me a hug.

I sighed when she shut the door. We would be okay, too.

xxxxx

That night in my apartment, after my mother died, I was lost. The only thing more traumatic had been the loss of my sister, and I have no doubt Scully was the only thing that saved me—as always. I lost it for a moment. I had the urge to trash everything, make my apartment look the way I felt on the inside. Scully brought me back, held me as I cried.

We sat that way for maybe five minutes until I could tell she was becoming uncomfortable. I let her stand and take off her jacket. I took it from her and draped it over the back of the chair I was in and she took off her shoes. I looked up at her, and felt a tear run down my face. Was I still crying?

Scully wiped the tear from my face and I took a deep , uneven breath. She took my hand and led me to the couch. We sat half facing each other, and she guided me with her hand on the back of my head into another embrace. Her maternal tenderness broke my heart all over again. I wept for who knows how long.

After the tears began to slow again, I stayed there with my face in the crook of her neck. I took another unsteady breath and we stayed that way. She went from stroking my back, to my neck. She didn't say a word. Her presence was enough. Finally I began to bury my nose into her skin. Her scent was so comforting. After a few moments, I must have hit a sensitive spot. I could tell by the way she sighed. I paused for a moment. Should I stop?

No, as soon as I did, I began to think about my mother again. Why didn't she tell me she was dying? So I continued. I smelled Scully once more, and then began to brush my lips over the spot. I realized it was her pulse point. Her breathing became more rapid almost immediately.

"Mulder," she said. Was she telling me to stop? To go on? I chose to believe the latter. I ran my tongue over the spot with pressure, and she gasped.

"Mulder," she said again in that indecisive tone. She pushed on my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her pupils slightly dilated. With decisive movements, I shifted my body over hers and pushed her back against the arm rest of my couch, positioning my hips between her legs. I buried my hand in her hair and kissed her closed mouthed but forcefully. I ran my tongue along the bottom of her upper lip, begging her to let me in. She did at the same time she wrapped her arms around my neck. My tongue plunged into her mouth, and I forgot everything. I kissed her for I had no idea how long. Eventually she moaned, and it drove me crazy. I went from turned on to extremely aroused within a second. I grinded my hips against her and let her know my state.

Before I knew it, her hands were on my shoulders, pushing me back. I ignored for her for a moment until she used too much force to ignore. I pried my lips from hers with a frustrated sigh. I looked down at her and heard a voice that didn't sound like mine, but certainly wasn't hers. "I need you."

She moved her mouth, trying to find her words again. "I'm here," she finally managed to whisper. I rocked my hips against hers again, leaning down to kiss her. She pushed back even more forcefully on my shoulders, and used this same gentle force in her voice. "But not like this. Not tonight, Mulder."

I sighed shakily, looking into her eyes. Somehow I knew if I were to continue, she would bend to my will. Of course Scully wouldn't do this unless it was what she wanted. I started to move in again and she let me, that damned trust in her eyes. Suddenly, I knew she was right. I sighed and looked above her head, at my fish tank. Reality washed over me again like a tidal wave. I backed off of her, sitting back on the other end of the couch. I buried the heels of my hands into my eyes until I saw stars.

"I'm sorry, Scully."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Mulder." She said and I looked at her. I believed her, as I always did.

I watched her stand, pull her shirt down over her waist and walk to my bathroom. I went into my bedroom and turned on my TV. When she came out, we sat on the end of the bed and watched it for hours. She constantly looked over to me, a few times held my hand, and once more held me close as I cried silently.

It was a sleepless night. When the sun came up we moved to the kitchen and made coffee together in silence. We sat on the couch and she put her shoes back on. Eventually I took her hand, and was about to thank her for staying with me when Skinner knocked on my door. She got up and answered, and he told her what was going on in the case with the missing little girl.

xxxxx

To say I was worried would have been an understatement. I was packing for the trip to England and I couldn't stop brewing over the conversation in our office. Scully was acting strangely, again. There were two years between Jerse and Padgett, and here a year since Padgett. Was she about to do it again? I had told her how I felt after Padgett. Hell, we had tried to have a baby together. I was lost.

I had begun to believe there was maybe some truth to what Padgett said. I had come to dwell on that lately. Was Agent Scully in love? She had let me kiss her after my mother's death. She had wanted it too. I had almost convinced myself of what he had implied, was ready to give and receive. Had I not said enough? Did she want more? Was it too much for her?

That morning when she had seemed so distant, I choked. I wanted to ask her what was wrong and get to the bottom of it before she did something rash. But honestly I was hurt from the way she had brushed me off. Was this a reaction to the failed in-vitro? We had never really discussed that in depth.

I respected that she was tired. Couldn't she have said it differently? So I planned to leave. I hadn't planned on asking her for that favor, but I had to call her. Don't ask me why. Maybe I was checking up on her.

Scully was still acting strangely on the phone. I almost didn't want to go, I wanted to stay and wait for the fall out of this funk she was in. I decided that might only make it worse. And I really did want to witness this crop circle event. So I went.

Maybe she could have used some soul searching, and it wouldn't hurt to do a little of that myself. A while back I had found out about my neurological disorder. A result of the black oil given to me in those tests. Of course I considered telling Scully, but I hadn't.

Two days later, I was home. Scully had found me on the street and apologized in her own way, and I in mine for yet again assuming she wanted to drop everything to investigate something like crop circles.

She fell asleep as we were talking on the couch. I looked at her in wonder. I knew she was exhausted but I never understood how she could fall asleep anywhere, sitting up like that. She was like a child in that way. I tucked some hair behind her ear and looked at her. I wanted to kiss her. Was so relieved she was back and felt she could tell me everything. But I let her sleep.

I watched TV in my room for an hour or so. I walked through the living room, smiled at Scully and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. I rinsed out my glass, turned it over in the dish drainer and started turning off all the lights. She stirred and I paused, hoping not to wake her. She opened her eyes. "Sorry," I said quietly.

She inhaled and rubbed her eyes. I stood in front of her and smiled down at her. "Go back to sleep."

"I've got to use your bathroom," she said and got up. I wondered if she would go home.

I began picking up our mess from earlier, now that I wouldn't disturb her. I was in the kitchen, rinsing out the mugs we had used for tea. She came and rested her hip against the counter next to me, watching me work. I smiled at her and looked down, noticing she had taken off her jacket. She wasn't leaving. I looked back and finished my task with the dishes, turned off the water and noticed her looking at my chest as I dried my hands. I wasn't wearing a shirt, just some cotton sleep pants.

We looked at each other for a minute and she moved closer to me.

"You need anything? Some water? That's about all I got right now." I put down the dish towel I dried off with on the counter.

She rested her hand on mine, our eyes locked. "No."

I nodded, looked down at her. Her eyes strayed down my neck and to my chest again where they stopped. She was thinking.

"What?" I finally asked and squeezed her hand.

She shook her head. "I was…I don't know. Just thinking about…life."

I smirked. "You fell asleep on that conversation earlier."

She smiled softly. "I know..I just wanted you to know something." She was talking in that calm, sure voice I had heard earlier. "I don't know what came over me a few days ago. It's a cycle for me, I think. I get..discontent, tired of the same old thing. Even though in our work every day is different, it's not." She cleared her throat, I knew she wasn't done but she was trying to find the words. We made eye contact again. Her eyes filled with tears the way they always do when she's about to say something difficult. "I think…"

She cleared her throat again and looked away. "What are you saying, Scully? It's too much sometimes?" I could understand that. I got panicky all of a sudden and looked at her intently, "Is it too much?"

"Mulder, calm down." She said and our eyes met again. She shook her head, trying to find her words, or something.

"Well what are you saying?"

"I don't know…"

"You can tell me… anything." I squeezed her hand.

"I don't miss the life I left behind. I feel I'm where I'm supposed to be right here in this one. So don't get me wrong, but I feel there are parts of that simple life that I do miss." She is trying to hold her tears in her eyes and not let them spill. "Mulder…I'm tired… of," she sighed and looked at my chest. "I'm tired of this thing hanging here between us."

I waited for her to explain but she didn't. I nudged her to look at me again with a finger on her chin. "This thing…?" I asked.

"This," she answered quietly. She bit her lip nervously and my eyes darted to them. When I looked back into her eyes I saw something different. A brand new look for me. My own eyes asked 'what?' as my brain finally clicked. It had been a long time since I welcomed that look from any other woman. She sighed nervously at my hesitation and looked away. My fingers guided her by her chin to look at me again, and I did as she requested. I moved my hand to the back of her head. My fingers laced through her hair, I pulled her face to mine and I kissed her.

I had in fact done my soul searching while in England. I visited Stonehenge and made some decisions, among the ancient structure. I had decided NOT to tell Scully for a while about my brain disease. My mark on her life had been dark and ugly a vast majority of the time. If I had an undetermined amount of time left with her, I had vowed to myself to continue this thing we had going. I had seen her truly smile more times in the last year than I had in the years of partnership before that. I wanted to bring to her life what she had brought to mine. To have simply told her I was ill would have put the brakes on everything. And if I died, my legacy on this planet would be forgotten. Scully would ever be the only one who truly knew me. To some it might have seemed a completely selfish decision to not tell her, and pursue a physical relationship. But she was strong, and I knew she would grieve for me either way. At least this way, she would see what she meant to me. My mark on her life could be something good and pure.

I returned my thoughts to our kiss. She closed her eyes and stood up on her toes, moving a hand to the back of my neck. I pulled her close with a hand on her back, kissing her slowly and softly. I sighed and smiled against her lips. There were no threats of quitting, leaving. No bees. No New Year's Eve and no lost parents. Just Scully.

I rubbed my hands up and down her back as we continued kissing softly for a while. One hand came to rest on her lower back and I began to slowly work my fingers between the fabrics of her skirt and her shirt, stroking the small of her back lightly. That ignited something in her because she began to breathe faster. I responded to her reaction and our tongues collided. I scraped my nails lightly over the skin of her lower back and she tore her lips from mine and gasped my name.

I instinctively thought I'd gone too far and pulled back to look at her. Our eyes met and I lost time. Somehow, so quickly I didn't even realize it, I had her sitting up on my kitchen counter. My hand was buried in her hair, holding her head back to give me access to her neck. My mouth was on the spot I remembered getting a great reaction before, the pulse point. God, I could taste her perfume. I couldn't get enough. Her hands were on my upper arms, urging me closer. She said my name in a way I'd never heard before and I sighed against her neck, the gravity of what was happening hitting me full force. "Jesus, Scully." I was smiling. "What are we doing?"

"Shut up, Mulder."

I pushed her legs apart, started to move my hips between them and met some resistance. I pried my lips away from her neck and she gasped. I looked down between us and was relieved to find the only resistance I was getting was from her skirt. It was stopping her legs from spreading wide enough. I looked into her eyes and moved my hand to the small of her back, holding her there while I ran my hand up her thigh and pushed up her skirt. Finally I pulled her to me with one hand on her back and one on her smooth thigh. God, she'd taken off her pantyhose in my bathroom.

Our eyes were locked for another minute as we each caught our breath. Finally our mouths joined again and I urged her with my hand on her back to press her hips against mine. She scratched her nails lightly down my back and I shuddered. I ran my hand up her back and met more resistance halfway, stopped by her shirt. I pulled my lips from hers again and pulled her shirt over her head, set it on the counter next to her. I looked down at her, no, I gazed down at her. She was wearing a black, lacy bra. Once before I'd seen her bra, our first case. For some reason I always imagined she'd always wear something so plain. Not that that wasn't sexy in its own way. But this? I just stared. "To take from the smooth words of Frohike, Scully: You're hot."

She laughed deep in her throat and leaned in, wrapped her arms around me and kissed my neck. I sighed and pulled her close, feeling her skin against my stomach, running my hands all over her back. She was kissing here, nipping there, trying to find my own sensitive spots. I tensed up in anticipation when I felt her getting close. She latched on to the area right below and behind my earlobe with her teeth and I thrust my hips into hers, sucked in a breath between my own clenched teeth. I couldn't hold her close enough, I ran my fingernails down her back lightly. She gasped and bit that spot a little harder before kissing some more.

I groaned and pounded my fist against the counter, pushing her up higher on it with my hips. My nails pressed into her back and dragged, probably breaking the skin a little. She switched sides on my neck but went for the same spot, her arms and legs pulling me closer to her. She bit down even harder still, on the verge of breaking the skin with a noise coming from her throat somewhere. It took all I had to gently push her back with my hands on her shoulders. We both obviously didn't mind a little pain at all. But if we kept this up we wouldn't move from my dingy kitchen before we were through.

She looked up at me, silently asking if she was too rough and I shook my head, rubbed her shoulders and tried to catch my breath. This reassured her and she understood. "Come on," I said as I lowered her to the floor and lowered her skirt. I picked up her shirt but didn't hand it to her, took her hand and started to lead her toward my bedroom. I looked at her before we went in. We stood there, facing each other. Our eyes met and I knelt down to gently kiss her lips before leading her to the bed. I sat down and looked up at her standing in front of me. I unzipped the side of her skirt. She nodded and I pulled it down, actually shaking a little. I was a lucky man. I put my hand on her hip, feeling the lace of the panties that matched the bra. My eyes were taking it all in. The contrast of black on milky white, her perfectly toned stomach, the gentle inward curve between the start of her ribcage and the flare of her hips. I pulled her close and kissed the skin under her bra. She pushed me back and straddled my legs, lowering herself enough to kiss me again. We had our arms wrapped around each other and kissed until we were quite worked up again.

I picked her up, turned her over and laid her back against the pillows. I looked down at her a while, trying to regain control of myself again. She reached between us, untying the drawstring of my pants. Ok…this was happening. She carefully lowered them, then pushed them off with her feet while I lifted one knee, then the other. I moved slowly, hooking my finger on the hip of her panties, but hesitated. I looked at her and she nodded. I was trembling a little as I threw her panties aside and lowered my hips between her legs again. We nodded at each other and I rested on my elbows, my forearms under her shoulders. She guided me into her and then laid back, her hands on the pillows, watching me. I took deep breaths and slowly pushed inside her. She sighed, closed her eyes and whispered my name. I clenched my fists and bit my lips, still trying to move slowly. I couldn't concentrate on how this felt for more than two seconds without feeling the tell-tale tightening, like I was about to explode into her. I stopped once or twice when she gasped or winced, it had obviously been a while for both of us.

Eventually I was all the way inside, and I was biting my lips and staring at the headboard. I could feel her twitching around me, she was arching her back and moving her hips a little. I was glad to let her do her thing for a while, without having to move too much because Christ, I was about to bite my lips off from holding back.

Finally she raised her legs higher on me and brought her arm down, grabbing my ass and urging me to thrust. I did so and groaned at how wet she had gotten. She shuddered and I looked at her, moving my hands to the sides of her face. She lifted her legs higher still on the next thrust and moaned, deep in her throat.

"Awh..shit, Scully…" I looked at her with urgency and she nodded, digging her nails into my ass and urging me deeper. I lowered my head to her neck and pushed my teeth into her pulse point. "You feel...too good…so good. Christ Scully!" I was disappointed in my lack of control. I pulled back and gave two or three deep, hard thrusts. I desperately hoped that would do it for her, because it certainly did for me. For a moment I was lost and had no idea if she had joined me or not. I was emptying into her more than I thought humanly possible. I'm sure I yelled out, it was so intense, but I don't remember. Finally I was aware enough to realize she was biting her lip and definitely coming down from something herself. Her back was arched and she was gripping my shoulders tightly. She was gasping and her whole body twitching with my movements in that way a woman does afterwards. In my relief I rested my cheek on hers as my movements slowed, and her legs lowered back down on my hips.

Eventually we were still, except our breathing which also returned to normal. I kissed her cheek, then her lips softly. There were no words spoken. Not that I could have formed any. I finally looked at her and we smiled briefly before I slowly pulled out of her. I looked to my bedside table and was grateful to see there was still a box of tissues there from the last time I was down with a cold. I handed her a few and she took them, cleaned up a little. I moved off of her and let her go to the bathroom, falling onto my back and watching her go.

When she came back to bed, I gave her some covers and we looked at each other for a while. I brushed my fingers over her cheek before she smiled and turned over. I stayed on my back, but rested my arm on her pillow, slowly stroking her hair.

THE PRESENT:

Now I lie here and think about the moments that led up to this. I hear her breathing slow and she is asleep again. It takes me a while but I go to sleep, thinking of every step we took, getting to this point.

In the morning, she is gone. Was that disappointment? I get up and get ready for work. Putting on my tie, I make a goofy little face and congratulate myself in the mirror before rolling my eyes and laughing, wondering what Scully would think of me.

I skip a few things from my morning routine. I need gas this morning too, but I keep going. I'll get it later.

I get to the office before her. Bummer. I check my email and voice mail for any new leads, put away a few files I'd left out in my haste to leave for England, and sit back down. By now she's 20 minutes later than usual.

I'll call her. No, I'll wait until she's at least 30 minutes late. I play with my pencils for eight minutes. Just as I'm about to call her, she walks in. I hang the phone up and look her way, but she's already got her back to me, taking off her jacket. My eyes linger on her ass a moment longer than usual. 'I love those pants,' I think as I bite absentmindedly on one of my pencils, leaving marks.

"Sorry I'm late," she says. She turns around, walks to her area and puts her stuff down. She looks around and sees no coffee, so she scurries off to do that with no complaints that I was there first, I could have made the coffee. Odd. A couple minutes later she comes back, sets my mug in front of me and turns her back to me, looking for any other distractions, her face tense. Not finding any, since I was keeping myself busy by straightening up earlier, she sighs and turns to me. "Any leads? Any new cases?"

"Yeah, this one could be an X-File, Scully." I quip. "It's an age old problem, actually. Two people sleep together and one of them pretends it didn't happen." Shocker!

She has the audacity to look…what, offended? She sighs and looks up at the ceiling, resting her tongue on her upper lip. "Mulder."

"It's fine, Scully. Whatever. Yeah, I've got a lead, from Skinner. Need you to go here and look at a body for this M.E. Says he has something we might be interested in." I hand her a post it note I had jotted the name and address of a morgue on when I heard a voice mail from Skinner. Usually I'd go but I needed to cool down.

She stares at me for a moment before taking another sip of her coffee and setting it down on my desk. I look busy on my computer the whole time. She grabs her things without a word and leaves. I sigh and bury my head in my hands. "You…are such…an ass!" I say to myself.

Could I have looked any more pathetic? I'm not heart broken or anything. I've always refused to believe I'd ever be that guy from a stupid angsty chick flick. Let it go, I say.

I try to keep busy the rest of the morning, but I keep thinking about her. What she said, how she looked at me. How she smelled, how she felt, her moaning my name...Oh, hell! This was the whole reason we didn't make love…make love? You sappy moron. Whatever, this was the whole reason we didn't do THAT after my mother died. So that it wouldn't be weird! Why is she…the phone rings and I sigh, rub my face and slap myself a little harder than I meant to. Ow. I'm rubbing my cheek when I pick up the phone. "Mulder…" Could I sound more depressed?

"Mulder, it's me. It's not an X-File."

"What isn't?" I ask, a loaded question.

"Well, I meant the body Skinner had for us. Meet me for lunch and we'll talk."

"We can talk about work here. At the OFFICE, Scully."

"Mulder, shut up and meet me at our usual place. Give me half an hour."

I hang up without a word. Will I go? Of course I will. Am I a pathetic moron? Yes, I am. I wasn't going to be early again. I wasn't THAT pathetic.

45 minutes later I walk in and she's there. I won't look at her as I take the seat across from her and pick up the menu. I haven't looked at the menu here in three years. Well, maybe I want something different today!

She gives me a minute before I hear her say, "Mulder". She's already ordered me an iced tea so I get busy adding my sweetener.

She laughs a little "Mulder!"

"What in the HELL could possibly be funny, Scully?" I hiss in a whisper and finally look at her.

She smiles softly and looks up at me through her lashes and I bring it down a notch.

"I'm serious."

"Ok, Mulder. Listen to me. Did you think this was going to be easy? For either of us?"

"No, but"

"Just listen, Mulder. Did you think we were just going to start…doing things like some normal couple?" She sees the answer in my eyes. "No, right? Just…work is work. Ok? I know you're the last person I need to tell that to."

Realization slowly washes over me.

She sees my relief. "It won't be easy, but we'll figure it out. Work is work, though. No funny business."

I take a deep breath and sit back to look at her, smiling. She smiles back for a brief second, then looks around.

"Hey, Scully. It's a little warm out for a turtle neck, isn't it?" I say with a grin, folding my fingers behind my head. The waitress is sitting the food that Scully's already ordered for us on the table. Scully blushes.

After the waitress walks off I bring my arms down and grab my sandwich. "Isn't it though?"

"Shut up, Mulder," she says and throws a piece of lettuce from her salad my way. She tries not to smile, passing me a file and filling me in on the non X-File she spent her morning looking into.

I know we'll be ok. I'm hers. And she is mine.

xxxxx

After I made my final wish and released the genia I called Scully.

"Hey, Scully? What are you doing tonight?" I ask with a smile in my voice.

"No plans...why?" she asks hesitantly.

"Come over."

"And sit back seat on your magic carpet ride? I don't know, Mulder…" She's trying to sound serious, but I know better.

"She's gone. Just come over."

"Fine...I'll be right there."

We hang up and I do a little straightening up. Thirty minutes later I hear her familiar knock. I open the door and let her in. She stands there, arms crossed, looking around.

"She's really gone. Wanna watch a movie?"

A few minutes later we're sitting on the couch with a couple of beers. I smile at her after she asks what my final wish was. She grabs the popcorn and we settle in to watch the movie.

She eats her popcorn for a few minutes and looks at me.

"You set her free."

I smile again and rest my hand on her leg, acting engrossed in the movie. Actually I'm thinking of the past month or so, since we first...did our thing. We had not, in fact, fallen into the routine of a normal couple. At first I had been apprehensive that our partnership would be affected. Surprisingly, work had come just as naturally as it ever had. We disagreed on our theories as we always had, but it wasn't personal. It had been a rough few weeks weeks, tobacco beetles and doppelgangers. I didn't want to dwell on that.

The only time we had spent together outside of work had been for that god awful movie premiere. Afterwards we went out for a very nice dinner, and several drinks on the Bureau's dime. I had asked her to dance and we did for one or two songs. Later, we were standing outside her hotel room. I had pulled her close and kissed her. I had wanted to be with her badly, but she was tired and I let her go. We actually both seemed fairly content to play that delayed gratification game again.

I come back to the present and move my hand off of her leg, letting her lean forward and put the popcorn back on the coffee table. She goes and gets us another couple of beers. When she comes back I've got my arm on the back of the couch. When she sits I move my hand to her shoulder and she leans on me.

I watch the movie for a few minutes and my hand begins absentmindedly massaging her shoulder. I run my hand up her neck, into her hair, and back down to her shoulder, again massaging. She moans in a that feels good kind of way and lifts her feet up on the couch next to her. After a while we finish those beers. I ask if she'd like another. She says no, but I go for one more.

When I get back, I return to letting my hand roam between her hair, over her neck and down to her shoulder. She seems to enjoy the massaging. I turn, put my back against the arm rest next to the fish tank, my feet on the floor. I guide her with my hands on her shoulders to turn. She sits next to me, sideways on the couch, with her back to me. Her hands rest on her lap and her feet on the coffee table.

I start on her upper neck and shoulders, starting out gently. After a while I begin kneading my thumbs up and down, between her shoulder blades.

"You've been holding out, Mulder."

I chuckle and act like I'm still into the movie. Really, I'm just staring at her, at my hands moving over her shirt. I hold her still with a hand on her shoulder a few times while I lean forward, sipping on my beer until it's finished. I'm now feeling the effects of the alcohol, I can't stop touching her.

I push on her shoulders and have her lean forward, so much she has to put her feet on the floor with her elbows on her knees. I untuck her shirt and push it up her back. I massage the middle of her back, on each side of her spine with my thumbs. My hands wrap around to the front of her rib cage and I am amazed at how small she is. She's so strong. It seems to defy human anatomy. I stare at her tattoo for a moment.

I find a knot and she arches her back, leaning into me as I work it out. She sighs and I smile. I pull her shirt down and move my hands back up to her shoulders, pulling her back to my chest and I lean forward. I notice the movie is about five minutes out from the end. I nuzzle my nose into her hair, behind her ear.

"Scully."

"Yeah?" She asks.

"Let's make out."

She chuckles once, deep in her throat. "Mulder, we're not teenagers."

I move my hand down to her side and take her ear, above her earlobe, between my teeth. She shudders and I squeeze her waist and smile against her.

"Well if you're going to twist my arm…" She shifts her body a little and turns her head towards me. I rest my palm on her jaw, my fingers curl around her neck and I pull her mouth to mine.

We kiss pleasantly slow, taking our time. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth, running my tongue over a vein on the inside of it before pulling it between my teeth. She really likes this, by the sound of it. I keep it up for a minute or so until she's quite worked up, her hand on my thigh, squeezing. I finally release her lip and am about to move down to her neck when she stands and pushes me back against the armrest, and I go willingly. She straddles my legs and I hold my arms open, waiting for her to come to me, looking up at her like I've gone to heaven. She has her hands on my chest first, then runs them up my neck, to the sides of my face and kisses me deeply. My hands fall to her hips and I'm on a cloud, smiling into her kiss. I do that thing with her bottom lip yet again and she gasps, resting her hips on me, my thighs supporting her ass. She rips her lip from between mine and works her way down my jaw, to my neck, going straight for the spot she discovered that first night, the muscle just below and behind my ear, and clamping on.

I mumble her name in encouragement, my eyes closing and my head moving aside to give her a better angle. My hand moves up into her hair and holds her to me. My other hand roams to her back, rubbing all over for a few moments before I move both hands to the hem of her shirt, pulling up. She bends and lets me pull it over her head, then sits up and we get it off of her arms. I drop it lightly on the floor next to us.

I smile stupidly up at her as she rests her hands on my chest and lets me look a moment. She's wearing a white satin bra, plain but still totally sexy. I run my hands up her back and pull her down to me, kissing along her jaw to her neck.

Suddenly I realize I'm not getting so much of a reaction from her and I stop. "You ok?" I ask, afraid to look.

"Yeah," she smirks, self-consciously. "Just..ah..beer's gone straight through me."

I chuckle in relief. "Right…go. I'll be here." I let her go and smile when she doesn't pick up her shirt, just crosses her arms against the cool and disappears to the bathroom. I sit up and put my feet on the floor, rest my elbows on my knees and fold my hands, waiting for her. I change the TV back to the cable setting and turn the volume down low. I reach over and turn off the lights, all that's left is the TV and my fish tank.

When I hear the door open I get up and walk that way, we cross paths and I'm grinning like an idiot, checking her out on my way to the bathroom. She turns around and catches me staring at her walking away, too. I bump into the edge of the doorway and nearly lose my balance. She smiles and disappears into the living room. I take care of my own business and return to the couch. She's sitting there watching whatever's on the TV and I go straight for her, urging her to lay back this time with a hand on her shoulder. I position myself between her thighs and pick up right where I left off on her neck. She sighs my name this time. "That's better," I say against her skin.

I lower my way down to her chest, kissing the whole way. I kiss the top of her breast as she runs her hands down my back, sighing and moaning. I'm sucking and nipping her with my teeth, lightly at first. When she arches her back into me and says my name again I use more pressure, leaving my mark on her. This time it's definitely too warm to justify wearing a turtle neck, and I am happy to use that excuse to leave it lower this time.

My hand slides up her side, latching onto her other breast. I quickly want more and slide my hand under her. I go for the clasp of her bra and look down at her, she bites her lip nervously but nods. I smile and wonder, does she know how charming she is?

Oh crap, I'm fumbling with the clasp. Smooth, Mulder.

"A little out of practice, are we?"

I sigh and look up in concentration. Just as she smirks and is about to reach behind her I get it loose.

"Ahh," she says in exaggerated awe and smiles.

I shake my head and wink softly at her. I raise myself up and slowly lower each strap down her shoulders, watching her face. She watches me with that beautiful trust in her eyes. Our first time, I never got around to this. She had it on the whole time. She nods and I pull it up and over her arms, dropping it on the floor with her shirt. Finally my eyes leave hers and trail down her neck, down past her necklace and to her chest. I'd be the first to admit I did sneak a peek before. Not when she was covered in alien goo and freezing cold, I'm an asshole but I do have some morals. It was when we were thrown in that quarantine by Diana and were forced to take decontamination showers.

This is different, completely. She's watching me take her in. She's got a hand absentmindedly stroking her collar bone, and I notice she's shaking a little. I smile, take her hand and lower myself to lay a kiss on her breastbone. I lay soft kisses all over her there between her breasts while my hand lets go of hers and goes to cover one breast and I knead gently. I'm worried I'll sound like a sap, but I have to tell her. "You're beautiful, Scully" I whisper against her skin.

She sighs and moves her hand to the back of my neck, her eyes getting moist. She's happy and I'm glad I said it. I move back up and put my hand over her hair, kissing her forehead lightly. She's still smiling softly. I look down at her with my forehead on hers for a minute, waiting for her signal to move forward or not. Either way is fine. She takes a minute, rubbing my back. I can't believe I'm the moron that's lucky enough to be with her this way.

After a while she kisses me again and I feel something squeeze on my heart. I exhale quickly into her mouth, shocked and surprised at this feeling. I put more of my weight on her, needing her close. I can't recall that I've ever felt this before. I kiss her back softly and feel my own eyes stinging. I know in this moment that I've consciously crossed a line, one I'd probably unconsciously crossed the first time I'd been with her. To give this up would probably nearly kill me. I bury my face into her neck, still taken by the intensity of this. So much for not being that guy in a romance novel I'd convinced myself I'd never be my whole life. I mentally blame it on the alcohol in a last ditch effort at saving my masculinity.

"You ok, Mulder?" she asks, almost inaudibly. She's holding the back of my neck in a way she's done many times in the past.

I wait for a moment, clear my throat and look away from her, pushing my fingers into my tear ducts, fighting against the stinging there.

"Mm," I bite my lips and look back to her. She's looking at me in wonder. She shakes her head and smiles, running her fingers over my cheek. Our eyes meet and say more than words ever could.

We begin to kiss again, slowly at first. Exploring and tasting each other. I move a hand down to one of her legs and pulling it up, I settle myself down onto her. She rests a hand on my ass, pressing me into her, spreading her legs further. She kneads a little through my jeans and I finally move my mouth away from hers, nudging her to turn her head with my cheek and I take her earlobe between my lips. My hand finds hers and we interlace our fingers. She squeezes my hand tightly and makes a noise in her excitement as my breath escapes my nose, tickling her ear. She shudders against me and I sigh, keeping it up. I run my tongue along the outer shell of her ear and she squeezes my hand harder, spreading her legs wider still so I grind against her.

I feel her hands on my chest, and she is pushing me up, off of her. I gasp and look at her in confusion. I get up on my knees and she sits up under me, grabbing the hem of my shirt and pushing up. Ohh, I see now. I smile to myself and finish taking off my shirt. Now she's pushing me back with her hands on my chest again, pushing me all the way back to the other side of the couch. She moves over me with determination and undoes the button of my jeans. I look at her face in the ambient blue light of the room. She's so damn beautiful.

She pulls my pants, then my boxers carefully over me before sitting back on the couch enough to pull them off. I wiggle around until she gets them off and drops them on the floor. Next she stands and unbuttons her own pants, not looking down at me. I actually get the impression she just got worried that I will think she's being too forward. Before she unzips her own pants I brush my fingers against her thigh, giving her an encouraging look when she looks at me. I'm actually very, very turned on by her taking control.

I see in her smile back at me the Scully I know so well. Sure and confident. She lowers her pants and panties and climbs back over me, taking me into her hand.

My mouth falls open and I struggle to keep my eyes open, wanting to see her face. Her confidence amazes me. Her small, strong hand moves over me. She quickly learns what I like and I'm soon reduced to simple, basic thoughts. I'm gripping the couch and losing the battle to keep my eyes open.

"Scully," I grab her wrist, panting. I'm holding onto her wrist more tightly than I would for any other reason. I don't mean to squeeze so hard but about 20 more seconds of that, I wouldn't have anything for her.

She smiles, pleased with herself and I let her have her hand back. She gives me a moment to get my bearings and I smile too. She kisses me now and I rest my hands on her hips. She takes my hands off her and makes me keep them off the couch. Jesus, does she just know what a sick little bastard I am? Or is this her game too? She moves her hands into my hair and kisses me deeply for a few minutes. Eventually my hand moves into her hair, the other moving to her thigh. She bites my bottom lip to the point of pain and I manage to squeeze her ass once before she takes my hands again, holding them on the couch. I'm grinning like a fool.

We play this game for another few minutes until she's ready to move on. I bite my upper lip in anticipation as she takes me into her hand and looks down at me. She begins to take me inside her and my breathing becomes erratic. She's taking me in so quickly, wincing but eager to take all of me.

I move my hands to her hips, my fingers twitching against her. I try to hold back but I can't. I'm pushing her down and she allows it. Finally I'm so deep inside her. Have I just forgotten or has it never felt this good? I can see on her face that she is struggling to get past the ache, but she's savoring it too. Eventually her insides adjust and I swell at the look of pleasure on her face. Her hands are on my chest and she begins to move. I keep my hands on her hips and press down when she needs it, letting her go when she wants it. She lowers her knees more on the couch, needing more pressure on a certain spot. She begins to tremble, closes her eyes and I have to look away. I am not going to come. I press her hips back forcefully, giving her more friction on that spot inside. She whimpers, begins to thrust herself up and down. She's tightening more and more and I bite my lips hard, concentrating on the pain. I stare at the ceiling and think about…the smoking man…fluke man…she whimpers, starting to go over, trembling…oh God…Skinner bubble baths…I manage to reach between us and circle her clit once. That does it and she's coming hard. I come within a fraction of losing it when she moans low and drawn out, but manage to hold it in. She rides it out and I finally look at her again. She slowly opens her eyes, then they open wide when she realizes I've held back.

"Skinner…bubble bath," is all I can manage.

She looks confused for a moment, then she laughs loudly, understanding. She kisses me deeply and I involuntarily thrust up into her, she's so hot and wet now. She moans and pushes back down onto me. Soon we are moving together, and I'm watching her this time. I pull her to me with a hand in her hair and kiss her neck. I'm kissing so deeply I almost forget to be mindful of not marking her. I move my mouth further down her neck to her shoulder to an area for no one's eyes but mine. I bite down and she nearly screams. I jerk back and am about to apologize when she shakes her head and gasps, shoving herself back towards my mouth. I clamp on again, nip and suck. My hand is on the small of her back and I'm getting close. My fingers twitch against her skin. "Scully…ffffuuu…Scully…ahh!" I reach around again and desperately stroke her clit.

"Yeahhh," she whimpers and I lose it. I'm vaguely aware of her convulsing around me again and I'm gone, forcefully holding her hips down on me where I need her and I'm grinding up into her. I empty into her and my upper teeth dig into her shoulder. She's got a hand in my hair and she's pulling hard.

After a minute she's lying on top of me, all her weight on me. I slowly stroke her back. Finally she nuzzles my neck and raises her eyes to look at me. I raise my eyebrows and smile like an idiot. She giggles shyly and buries her face in my neck. I laugh softly and hug her close. I'm one lucky son of a bitch.

We stay like that until a chill comes over her. I have to rub her hips a little to help her before she can straighten them enough to climb off the couch. I know she'll be sore tomorrow. I smile a little and like that she'll have the reminder of me.

"Let's go to bed," she says and takes my hand.

I follow her and we climb in. I let her get situated and then I move in slowly. Our first time we had not done this either. I put my arm around her waist and bury my nose into her hair. "Mmm…goodnight, Scully."

"Goodnight, Mulder."

I fall asleep almost immediately, a rarity for me.

In the morning, I wake up as Scully gets out of bed. I lay there still as she goes to the bathroom. It's Saturday and I wonder if she will leave again. I lay there with my eyes closed when she comes out of the bathroom. I feel her getting back in the bed and smile. She is shivering a little, the bathroom floor must have been cold. I pull her close and kiss her softly, wrapping my arms around her. I let her tuck her cold feet under my legs. "Good morning."

"Good morning." She smiles at me.

"Is this awkward, or what?" I ask jokingly, talking about waking up together for the first time. I make a weird face and she laughs and nuzzles her nose into my neck, still shivering a little.

We lay there until she is warm again, and for a while longer after that. Finally I ask, "What are your plans today?"

"I have that thing at my Mother's, remember? Bill and his family are in town."

"Oh, that's right."

She clears her throat and looks at me. "Um..You're welcome to..."

"Scully," I interrupt her, "your mom will be happy your brother is there, and she deserves a happy time. I don't want to disturb the peace. But thank you."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry Mulder. My brother.."

"You don't have to explain. You know that." I hold the back of her head and kiss her forehead. "Now I gotta get up. Wait right here." I go to the bathroom, do my thing then go to the living room and collect her clothes. I feel kind of bad they're slightly rumpled now. I lay them out on the bed for her, looking apologetic.

"Should have told me to bring a change of clothes, Mulder." I smirk, wondering if I should tell her to bring a couple changes of clothes over here. I pass on that for now. I don't want to move things more quickly than she wants to, or push my luck. I go about getting myself dressed, watching her do the same. I can't stop smiling.

"You look like an idiot, Mulder."

"Right, Scully, but I'm your idiot now." I go to her and stop her before she puts on her shirt, kiss her lightly on her shoulder. That mark is looking pretty dark, did I really bite that hard?

She wraps her arms around my neck. "You've been my idiot for a long time."

We kiss softly before we finish dressing ourselves.

"Would you like some coffee?" I ask.

"No, thanks. I really should be going. I need to go home, shower and all that."

"Well I hate to miss that." I really do.

She laughs and kisses my cheek. "I'll be late tonight…I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I stop her and give her a hug before she walks out. "Ok, tomorrow." She leaves and I close the door behind her.

I shower and then spend the day cleaning out my fish tank, doing laundry, paying bills. Around 6:30 I order Chinese and look through my movie collection, looking for something to watch. I scan my adult movies out of habit and smirk. That never compares to the real thing, which I've had hmm…last night! I silently congratulate myself and go back to the couch and flip through the channels, eating a handful of seeds while I wait for my food. Finally it comes and I settle in on the couch, watching something on HBO. There's explosions and car chases. "Now THIS is a guy movie," I say, talking to Scully and she's not even there. I smile to myself and enjoy my food.

I drink the last beer out of our six pack from last night and look at my watch. Only a little after 8. What to do? I check email and clean my gun. At 9 I lay back on the couch and get into another movie. I'm tossing my basketball back and forth between my hands, up into the air above me, when my phone rings at 9:30. I look at my watch and look over at the phone, smiling. I toss my basketball on the floor, letting it roll wherever and grabbing the phone.

"Hey, Scully."

"How'd you know it's me?" She asks.

"You know, law of attraction. I sat here by the phone and stared, all day. Willing you to call. How was your day?"

She's laughing. "It was great, I'm on my way home. I couldn't stop..." She stops herself, and laughs softly.

"You couldn't stop what?"

"Nothing Mulder, what are you doing?"

"You couldn't stop what?"

She sighs nervously and hesitates.

"I couldn't stop thinkin' about you either, Scully."

She exhales and I can tell she's smiling. "Come over, Mulder. We can watch 'Steel Magnolias.'"

"Ugh... Who taught you pick up lines?"

"Shut up." She's smiling though. "I'll be home in half an hour?" She's asking if I'll be there.

"I'll be there." Of course I'll be there!

"Hey, Mulder? Bring a bag" she says and hangs up. Nice! I'm a lucky man. I clean up my Chinese food and get ready.

Not long after I knock on her door. She lets me in and I set my bag down. I look around while she closes the door behind me. This is different, coming to Scully's place since this other thing has started. Both times before had been at my place.

"Well, how's the family?"

"Great, it was nice."

"Good." I say, looking around again. It's just so different. In my apartment, it was one thing. This makes it real, somehow. Scully's letting me into her space now, and I feel like it's new again.

"Would you like something to drink?" she asks?

"No, thanks." I say, rubbing my hands together nervously. She's looking at me, obviously I'm acting a little strangely. "I'm sorry, Scully." I explain. "It's different now, coming to your apartment."

She smiles a little, with relief. "I see." She says and puts her arms around me, I rest my hands on her hips.

She raises up and kisses me softly and I'm smiling too. "Let's go to bed, Mulder."

"Just exactly what kinda guy do you think I am?" She smiles against my lips and raises up higher on her toes to kiss me deeper. "Oh, all right!"

She leads me back there and I grin the whole way. When we get next to her bed she turns to me and starts undressing. Wow…I stare for a moment, in awe at her directness. She has no lights on, I see her only in the street lights coming through the blinds. Finally I snap out of it and start undressing myself.

We're both standing there, naked, looking. I step close to her and pull her to me, kissing her. We kiss slow and deep for I have no idea how long. My hand is in her hair and I am content. After a while I lay her down on the bed, kissing some more. We both forget to breathe and pull apart, catching our breaths. I kiss her forehead and she takes me into her hand, pulling me to her.

I reach a hand between us and slide a finger between her lips, sucking in a breath at how ready she is for me. I take one of her hands in mine and move it above her head, as I begin to slide inside her. I kiss her deeply again, my other hand in her hair. I slip in easily and she sighs. Her feet are on the bed and she raises her hips to mine, and she sighs again at the sensation. I am home. I feel a swelling in my chest and squeeze her hand tightly, burying my face into the crook of her neck. My breath escapes me again at this emotion. What was happening to me?

"Scully, I…" I bite my lip and turn my head away from her neck, my cheek on her shoulder. I flash back to me in a hospital bed. I say it and she says 'Oh, brother.' I try again. "I…."

"Say it, Mulder." Her muscles tighten around me and I turn my head, my mouth right up against her ear. I'm trembling a little.

I had never said it and meant it, like I do now. Every single one of my previous relationships had been built on a weak foundation. I chose women who weren't truly interested in knowing every fiber of my being. I'd still had deep issues regarding Samantha, and didn't want anyone to examine my wounds. I wanted them to be left alone, to fester. They were what drove me to find answers, even when I was too tired to go on. I chose women that had an agenda, who I expected to drop me eventually. Scully was a woman I never would have pursued. And God knows I tried not to, even without knowing I was trying not to. I ignored any possibility, every sign along the way that she and I would ever mean so much to each other. But we had still come together, and it was with an intensity that I never even imagined I'd be close to feeling that I said, "I love you." It's not enough but there are no words that describe it better.

She sighs and I can tell she's crying. She squeezes my hand and raises her legs on my hips. "I love you."

We begin to move together and I kiss her so deeply. I'm thrusting into her slowly but deeply and soon she's coming around me, whimpering softly and I ride it out with her, my forehead on hers. Eventually she stills and so do I, except for my breathing which I'm not sure I'll ever catch.

A minute later she nods and I begin to move again, with more urgency. Her hands are on my upper back until I raise up onto my hands, her face makes me want to stay this way forever. She runs her fingernails down my back and I begin to thrust more erratically. She reaches a hand above her and grabs onto the headboard, giving herself leverage to meet my thrusts. "Scully…Scully…oh my God…" I'm shaking and she tightens around me each time I pull out. I lower to my elbows again, reach behind her head and grab the edge of the mattress, yelling out as I explode.

When I am done I rest my forehead against hers again, catching my breath. "Good…God…Scully." My head is spinning and I fall off of her, onto my back. She turns to me, smiling, rests her chin on my chest. My hand goes for her hair and I'm looking at the ceiling, blinking, waiting for the room to be still.

When it eventually does, I look at her. She looks so happy. I stroke her hair, pull her closer. We lay quietly for a while, our hands lazily feeling each other all over.

She brings her hand to mine and I begin slowly running my fingers along the inside of her palm, up her fingers and back again. "This has been nice, Mulder."

"Yeah," I smile.

She looks up at me, and I can tell she's a little nervous. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but…you don't have that feeling? Like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop?"

I shake my head, not sure what she means.

"I don't know…I'm just saying we never seem to catch a break for very long." I nod, understanding. "I just have this feeling," she whispers. I can tell she's genuinely worried about this. "Things are about to change."

"You may be right. I just got an email from Skinner. Well I got it last night but read it this afternoon. They're moving up, rescheduling audits in our section. Ours is this week."

She sighs. She knows. This is never a good time for the X-Files. I don't tell her but I am especially worried this time that they will say I have done everything I've set out to do. In a way, sure I have. But there will always be more X-Files. The better part of our work doesn't involve government conspiracies or UFO's.

She looks worried and I rub her back. "Don't worry about this tonight, Scully." I pull her to me and kiss her before I get up, move the covers back and let her climb under them before I get back in. I return to laying on my back and she drapes her arm and leg over me, her head on my chest. I rub my fingers up and down her back a few times before she quickly falls into a deep sleep. I kiss the top of her forehead and feel my own eyelids getting heavy. This really is the best cure for insomnia.

Now I just have to figure out a way to tell her about my illness…

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you've made it this far, thank you! Like I said above, this was my first serious attempt at fanfic. I made a couple attempts in high school while the show was still airing, and now I think: someone who has never been in love writing about love is like someone who's never been in water trying to write about swimming. Not that a young person can't understand what love is, but I personally couldn't. This was originally intended to be a simple post-Milagro fic that keeps evolving. These scenes followed me until I had no choice but to write them. I truly hope you enjoyed this, and want to read on to part 2


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

RATING: NC-17  
CATEGORIES: Story-Scully POV  
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully relationship  
SPOILERS: MAJOR spoilers for Milagro, Per Manum, all things, Requiem, Within, Without and Deadalive. Some of the conversations here are ripped straight from these episodes and a re-watch or at least a read-up on the summaries is recommended if you are rusty. Minor spoilers for many others.

DISCLAIMER: Do I really have to say it? I don't own any characters in this story. I only own the action figures, and they don't do anything this cool.

SUMMARY: A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first serious attempt at fanfiction. Feedback is begged for! But please be gentle! All out flames may be printed out, lit up and fed to that demon baby from "Terms of Endearment." Please forgive me for any discrepancies in the timeline, I admire those who can keep track better than I can. Thanks to my friends Heather and Melissa for feedback.

* * *

 

I wake in the morning to Mulder in my bed. We are still lying the way we fell asleep. He on his back with his hand between my shoulders. I with my head on his chest. He is snoring softly and I smile, raising my head slowly. He raises his arm above him on the pillow and moves his head around. He settles in with his chin almost down on his chest, his face toward mine.

I prop up on my elbow and watch him sleep. My fingers wander through the patch of wiry hair on his chest.

I always knew my partner would be a passionate lover, it was the attitude at which he confronted everything else in life: passionately. But I had never particularly thought of him...Oh, who was I kidding? There had been a handful of lonely nights. After my cancer and after I had found that I was left barren. I gave into something and lying here in this bed, pleasured myself. It's not that I started it with Mulder in mind. But he was the only man in my life and my thoughts began drifting more and more to his lips, his long fingers pressing sunflower seeds into them… the way his jaw clenched when he was thinking, his five o'clock shadow on it…his strong forearms when he rolled up his shirt sleeves to his elbows, propped up on a desk or something and crossed his arms to argue a point…his strong profile and his intense eyes, the way I seemed (most of the time, lately) to be the only woman he could see. That was just the start. Maybe I had started out with Mulder in the back of my mind after all.

Then, Padgett entered our lives. It seemed to me that he was a catalyst for Mulder and I. I remember waking up to him on my couch, whispering in my ear, telling me things I never imagined. The first several years of our partnership had been a tumultuous time, to say the least. But in the last couple of years I watched him come to be at peace, somehow. Sure, he was still extremely passionate about our work, but he had begun to let go of his demons. Occasionally he shared the burden with me. We had brought down the conspiracy within the government, then he found answers that comforted him regarding his sister.

Our relationship became more light-hearted. We smiled, we laughed, we played baseball.

Over time, almost excruciatingly slow, our relationship became physical. Before this I had had a brief period of self doubt, wondering if I had chosen the right path. As if dwelling on it was a beacon, I stumbled over Daniel in the hospital. My past with Daniel…That was a Mistake. In my yearning for what I had not found with Mulder, I had begun to wonder if I should have stayed. Still, the reason I left Daniel was the same reason it would have never worked with him. He did not know me. Well, he knew me. But he could not wrap his head around this idea of me becoming an independent person. He couldn't support me in finding who I wanted to become. He wanted me as I was. Less than equal. More importantly, he had told me he and his wife would never be able to work it out, that she knew it was over—which she hadn't. And he had not told me about Maggie, a daughter. I had had no idea. How naïve.

After spending time with Daniel in the hospital and finding affirmation that I had fulfilled my goals, headed in the direction that I wanted to—but never would have guessed where I would land—I was left wondering why I had even doubted myself. Then it had come to me when I was chasing that mysterious blond-headed woman on the sidewalk. She turned around and it was Mulder. I had been chasing an illusion, and it led me right back to what had been in front of me all along. I had my answer. That had been my final affirmation. That night, I knew what I wanted and as difficult as it was for me to admit to Mulder, I didn't have to say the words. He kissed me. Even now I can remember the taste of that kiss. Toothpaste and sunflower seeds. As odd as it sounds, it was distinctly Mulder.

I focus on him again, he's smiling in his sleep now. My heart swells and I am suddenly struck once again with my yearning to have that last piece of a simple life.

xxxxx

I had been getting ready to leave work a couple hours early for my doctor's appointment, where I would learn what they had found in their tests on my extracted ova.

I looked to Mulder and took a deep, shaky breath.

"Meet me for dinner after work, Scully?"

"Yeah, sure." I left, in a daze after we had agreed where and when to meet.

He knew as soon as he saw my face at the restaurant that I had received good news. If I had been emotional BEFORE he got to the restaurant, seeing him made it real. He had done so much to even find these eggs and store them for me afterward. Even on the belief that they were not viable. I couldn't be angry with him for keeping it from me. It was not with malicious intent, I knew that.

He got to the table, I stood up and we embraced. He pushed my head against his chest and held me tight. We rocked side to side a few times before I let him go. We sat and talked about what the process would be like. We didn't talk about when it would happen. I ordered a glass of wine with dinner, trying to calm down. I hardly touched my food, trying to figure out how to ask him still. I didn't have to think twice when the doctor asked me if I had anyone in mind. I had already been unconsciously thinking about it. This time it wasn't because Mulder was the only man in my life. He was fatally handsome, I had to add that into the equation. A year before that, I wouldn't have asked him. But he had come to some sort of stability. I could see the change in him every day. And the way he was with me every time I was hurt, or ill. He was such a tender person, protective and honest. I could not imagine that any other man would have better qualities to pass on to a child.

"Earth to Scully"

"Yeah?" I clear my throat and finish my wine.

"I asked if you want dessert?"

"Oh, sorry. No thank you."

When the check came, he insisted on paying. This was a celebration, he said.

He walked me to my car. We stood there in somewhat comfortable silence for a minute, leaning against my car and watching the traffic go by. Finally he asked in a no nonsense voice, not giving me the option NOT to answer. "What's on your mind?"

I hesitated. "I…obviously need sperm," I blurted out. He smirked and I bit my lip. God that sounded bad. "You know…I just would hate to use some stranger."

He nods, slowly, but I know he doesn't understand what I'm getting at. "Mulder, I have something to ask you." Thank God for wine, I had thought.

"Scully…"

"Look, I don't want an answer tonight."

He had frozen, staring through the cars passing us by. He was like a deer in headlights. I began to ramble. "Your involvement in his or her life would be totally, 100% at your discretion. I wouldn't want this unless you were completely certain that you could handle it. I wouldn't have it any other way. I will not hold it against you in the least if you can't…"

"I need some time, Scully." He wouldn't look at me. 'Oh God. Oh God, Oh God!' I thought. 'Is it too late to take it back?'

"…I'll see you tomorrow, Mulder." I slouched down and buried my face in my hands. Bleep me, I've screwed up big time.

He turned to go, slowly turned back around about halfway to his car. "Congratulations, Scully." He said distractedly and walked off, stroking his jaw.

The next morning, I purposefully stayed busy away from the office. Around lunch, I called him. I probably called him at lunch time just so I would miss him. I left him a voice mail, telling him I was going to take the rest of the day off, finish some paperwork from home.

Later, he stopped by. God knows I tried to be strong when I thought he was going to tell me no. A conversation with the word "flattered" in it never ends well. I knew he was going to say no, had prepared myself. But then, he said yes. I could hardly look him in the eye before I just hugged him. I had never been more happy.

xxxxx

I smile even now, as I look back. Mulder was so supportive. I came to see that not only was he doing this because it was important to me, but it was for him also. I lightly kiss his chest, remembering all of this. I have to push away the other memories, the disappointment in finding out that it hadn't taken.

I look at him in wonder. Being with him in this way was easier than I could imagine. That first morning after, I had had a moment of panic. I had been afraid this would affect our partnership, and I hadn't been ready to lose that. I had left him in his bed as he slept and fled to my own apartment. I had gotten ready for work and forced myself to face him in our office. I tried to separate our partnership and what had happened the night before in an unhealthy way. But that was above Mulder. After spending a few hours away from him, daydreaming about the night before and recalling his raw emotion that morning at my behavior, I knew I couldn't do that to him. To deny everything was taking it too far, would affect our partnership in an even more destructive way. I called him to lunch and explained myself. We made it through okay and our partnership was not affected in the least. The last month revealed that he didn't exactly want to dive into an all-consuming emotional relationship either, and that had been fine with me. We had dipped in our toes and that was enough to sate our curiosity for a while. Jumping right in would have been a shock we weren't ready for. Apparently by this weekend our feelings had evolved and we had been able to admit some things to each other, and ourselves. Last night, he had told me he loved me. I love him, but that word alone didn't seem like it covered everything.

Eventually I lightly kiss his cheek before I get out of bed and head for the shower. I shave, and get that funny feeling I had told Mulder about last night. Things are about to change. It was bigger than our new physical relationship. And they call Mulder paranoid.

I turn around and begin to wet my hair, getting ready to shampoo it. I hear something, Mulder raises the seat on the toilet and it makes a noise . "Good morning," I smile.

"Yeah," I hear his smile back in his voice.

I lather up my hair and step under the spray again. I hear the toilet flush and don't get out of the way in time, squealing. "Mulder!" Damn that's cold!

"Shit! Sorry, Scully." He's brushing his teeth now, he knows where I keep a couple of extra, cheap toothbrushes.

I wait for the water to warm up and step under it, rinsing out my hair. I am about to tell him it's ok and he yanks the shower door open.

"Hey," he grins, checking me out.

I look at him, hands frozen in my hair. "Mulder…" I say shyly.

"Just thought maybe I could help warm you back up." He leans temptingly against the door jamb.

I clear my throat, "It's warm again."

Obviously he's Mr. Confidence today, not letting my shyness be taken as a rebuff to his advances. He steps in and closes the door behind him.

I've never taken a shower with a man before. I finish rinsing my first round of shampoo out of my hair, watching him watch me. I keep my eyes on him, reaching back behind him to grab the shampoo again. As I pull it past his arm he gently takes my wrist, removing the bottle from my hand with his other hand. I bite my lip and look aside, this is not happening.

"This is a first for you, I take it?" He squeezes the hand he just took my shampoo from, then circles his thumb over my palm.

"Actually…yes."

He nods and turns me around, pulling my arm over my head in doing so, as if we're dancing. He moves his mouth to my ear and whispers. "This happens to be one of my very favorite parts of being with a woman." He's got the hand with the shampoo bottle resting up on my shoulder, holding me still like I'm going to run away. He runs his other hand down my back, then snakes it around my waist, kissing my ear softly.

"Ok," is all I can say. I lean back into his chest, though. I'm not going anywhere. He rubs his hand back and forth along my waist line a few times, kisses my neck a moment and then lets me go. I turn and see him squeezing shampoo into his hand. He pops the cap closed, sets it down and turns toward me again. He gets to work and I'm immediately relaxed. His fingers are strong and he knows what he's doing. After a minute he takes the sprayer off its cradle and rinses out my hair. When he's done I take it from him and put it back.

I look at him as I turn around, picking up the shampoo. I want to wash his hair now, it only seems fair. After about ten seconds, we're laughing. We realize this isn't going to work with the height difference. He kisses my cheek before taking over the task of washing his hair. I watch him, letting my hands roam down his sides, feeling his muscles move under his skin. After a minute he moves me to the back of the shower with his hands on my shoulders. I watch him rinse his hair out.

Next thing I know, his mouth is on mine. I see why he brushed his teeth so quickly, and am greatly relieved I brush mine BEFORE I shower. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back, happy. He reaches down and grabs onto my thighs, lifting me up and leaning my back against the wall. I gasp at the coldness at first, then lean back into it. I'm also greatly relieved I shave my legs before I do any other showering. I wrap my legs and arms around him.

When our kissing grows deeper, I pull away from him and go for that spot on his neck, giving us a chance to catch our breath. He nearly growls and his hand finds its way into my hair. I smile and bite him softly. He moves his hands to my hips and positions me so that I rub against him in a completely erotic way. I whimper and my head falls back against the wall, he is rubbing against my clit. "God…" I rasp, swallowing hard. This is also new for me.

Before Mulder, I had only made love somewhere besides a bed just once. That experience on the couch was nearly forgettable compared to our experience two nights previous. This was so different. I had nearly no control. He was moving my hips for me, his other hand gripping my thigh. I reach between us and guide him into me, I can't wait to see what this feels like. I hold my arms around his neck tightly as he slides into me. My head is on the wall, tilting back, I'm looking at him through hooded eyes. I'm gasping for breath.

He pulls back his hips and pushes mine towards the wall at the same time before bringing us back together. This feels completely different than anything I've ever felt and I'm tightening around him already. My eyes roll around, trying to focus on something but I'm having a hard time."So good…" I manage to say and he moans.

"How are you so damn beautiful, Scully?"

My eyes roll to meet his. I want to kiss him but it's just not possible. With the height difference, it's either our faces or our hips..at least at this angle, that can be together. I decide this is fine.

He shifts my hips a little and he's entering at a new angle. I feel a sensation I've never felt, right inside, under my clit. Medically, I know what's going on but I'd never experienced it myself.

"Oh God, rightthere,rightthere, right there! Mulder…God…Mulder…" He speeds his movements a little and my toes curl. My eyes squeeze closed and I swear I feel tears.

"Come for me, Scully," he orders and I do. Not your typical orgasm, though. I feel it in every inch of my body. I'm making all kinds of noises I would have sworn would never have come out of me. He keeps the same pace, and it keeps pouring out of me, onto him. It feels like hours and finally I can't take it anymore. I could pass out, I think. "Muldermuldermulder..God…"It's almost painful. I'm clenching my teeth and pulling back. He gets the idea and slows down, letting me come down from it. I'm panting through my nose. Finally I open my mouth, gasping for air. Everything's spinning.

He slows to a stop and pulls out of me, he pulls me up and kisses my forehead. I catch my breath and look at him through one eye, suspiciously. "Mulder...how did you do…do THAT?"

He just smiles softly and kisses my forehead again. "That was amazing."

I look down and confirm what I feel, he's still ready to go. "Amazing? You haven't…"

"I know…and it was amazing. You looked wild, Scully. And you…you know. I take it from your questions that THAT was another first." He's gloating.

I let him have his moment because he truly deserves it. And my head is too fuzzy to produce a good quip.

"Also, I think I can officially change my name from Fox to God. Feel free to call me by my first name any time you like, now." I laugh, then tremble a little, beginning to get cold. He lowers me down gently. "Let's get you out of here."

I object, "but you haven't…"

"In a minute." He grabs my body wash and bath pouf, lathering it up. He slowly scrubs every inch of me. This is so intimate and my heart aches with feelings. Why haven't we been doing this all along? Would it have been this good in the beginning? Probably not, I decide. This was deeper than love.

He rinses me off and then lets me get out and get to a towel while he washes up with a bar of soap. I wrap one towel around me, begin drying my hair with another and leave one for him. I'm hanging up the towel I used for my hair when he exits. I watch him as he dries off, then take his towel from him and hang it up. Then I take him to the bedroom.

Without a word I lead him to the bed and direct him to sit down. When he does, I put my hands on his knees then lower myself to the floor. I still have my towel around me to keep me warm. I take him into my hand and begin work to get him hard again.

"Ah…Scully." This has the desired affect and he sucks in a breath. "You don't..have to.."

"After what you just did for me, Mulder? I want to." I'm kneeling on the floor between his legs and looking up at him. It doesn't take long for him to get fully erect again and I look down between us, really admiring him for the first time. I push him to lay back on the bed, propped up on his elbows, still on the floor myself. He watches me as I slowly move in and while I'm still stroking him, lick all the way up the underside.

He makes a noise deep in his throat, trying to keep his eyes open. I do this a few times, getting closer to the head every time. Finally when I get there, my tongue runs along a vein right before the tip of him and he involuntarily thrusts up. Note to self, that's a good spot. I squeeze the bottom of him, he's gotten so big. I wrap my mouth around the tip of him and suck, softly, my tongue finds that vein and his hips jerk upwards again. "Fuck.." he rasps. "Sorry." Whether it's for him thrusting, or cursing, I don't care. I let him know by squeezing again and pumping my fist a bit, taking him more inside.

His hand cautiously moves to my head, barely touching my hair. I almost don't feel him there, his fingers twitching against me. He's making noises I've never heard from a man before. He's so passionate. For two different men before I'd done this, and both of them added together hadn't given me the reaction Mulder was.

I move my mouth back up him and hit that vein, raising my eyes to look at him. I catch him with his eyes open for a moment and we stare. His chest is heaving, and his eyes roll back in his head, rolling around like mine were in the shower. When I start to move again, lick that vein and squeeze him I moan when I get a little taste of him. He abruptly sits up and grabs my wrist. Tightly. He puts his hand in my hair and pulls me off him. I look into his eyes. I've always had a thing for when men take control. I love it. He's staring down at me now, catching his breath, his eyes darker than I've ever seen.

I look at him, trusting him. I can hardly take him just staring, he's so intense. It's almost animal-like. I slowly let my tongue escape my mouth and lick my upper lip, one side to the other.

That does it. He pulls me up by my wrist as he comes to a standing position also. He reaches between my breasts and pulls the towel apart, letting it fall to the floor. He turns me around quickly and pushes me by my waist from behind, directing me to the bed. He actually lifts me onto it with his strong arms and scoots me forward, getting up behind me on his knees. This I didn't expect but I go with it. I look back at him. His eyes are wild but I know without a doubt if I called it, he would stop. He reaches between my legs and sucks in a breath through his nose when he feels how ready I've become again. Knowing of his raw need for me may have helped, slightly. I watch his face. He's watching his own hand as his fingers work quickly, spreading my wetness over me, preparing me for himself. Finally he puts one hand on my shoulder and guides himself into me. My head falls forward and I sigh.

He quickly pushes himself all the way inside, nearly growling. I only wince and pull away once, he's a lot to take in. We both do a little adjusting until this is comfortable and he begins to move. I bite my lip and move with him, meeting his pushes with my own. He pulls me into the thrusts too, with one hand on my shoulder and another on my hip. Soon he's thrusting hard, and I hardly have to move at all. His strong arms are manipulating my body how he wants me to move and I feel myself tighten around him, turned on by the simple fact that he's using me how he wishes.

He's slamming into me and I feel him getting close, I reach between my legs and get myself close as possible, manipulating my muscles around him each time he pulls out. This does it for him and he shouts something that may be my name, thrusting so hard. The pleasure and pain drive me over and I come with him, meeting every thrust with my hips until he grabs my them and holds me still against him, still thrusting upwards and spilling into me.

Eventually he's had enough and we collapse onto the bed. I'm on my stomach and he's still over me. After a few moments he pulls out of me and I tremble, still getting pleasure from the friction. He falls down onto his side and guides me to lay in front of him, on my side also. We lay there for a while and I feel him getting weird.

He moves his mouth to my shoulder and kisses me, finally looking down at me.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

He nuzzles my shoulder. "Did I hurt you?"

I won't lie. "Not in a bad way, Mulder."

"I nearly lost control."

"It was good." I pull his arm over me and take his hand between both of mine, rubbing it.

This seems to comfort him only a little and he kisses my shoulder again, over the spot where he left a mark the other night.

"Mulder. There are men that have sex to take what they want and that alone. There are men that want to give so much you don't really feel needed by them. You're the perfect balance. Please stop worrying about me. Ok?"

He doesn't say anything but when I look over my shoulder at him, he's smiling. He's at peace again. I smile back and pull him in to kiss my lips over my shoulder.

"So," I say. "We go over a month from our first…experience…" I smirk at him. "..to now. Then three times in one weekend?"

He laughs and raises himself up, looking down at me. "There's still tonight." He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

I laugh. "Oh…I think I need a break. I'm serious." I'm not sure if I'm just getting older, or I've never gone at it this passionately, or what. But I don't ever remember feeling this worn out afterwards, especially after having just woke up. My stomach interrupts that train of thought, we both hear it growl. Jesus that was loud.

He gets up and goes after his bag by the front door, I sit up and watch him walk around my apartment naked as the day he was born.

"Would you like me to maybe go get some coffee and do-nuts…" I raise an eyebrow at him. "Excuse me, BAGELS" he says with that face he makes at the healthier choices. "Or we could go out."

"Let's go out," I say and put my hand over my stomach. "I'm going to need some protein. I can't remember the last time I've felt so hungry."

"Well, I can be pretty demanding in the bedroom." He smiles and kisses me before going off into the bathroom to comb his hair and all.

"Right, how many years of pent up tension do you have built up? From your tapes, Mulder?"

He leans over and looks at me through the doorway, putting a little gel in his hair, then goes back to looking in the mirror, smiling. "You don't want to hear about that, Scully. You might lose your appetite."

He finishes and I take a few minutes to get ready. We walk to a little place that does Sunday brunch and have a nice time.

Finally when we're through, I insist on paying. We usually take turns. "You've gotten it like three times, Mulder. Just cause we're sleeping together doesn't mean you get to be the GUY all the time!" I say when he keeps trying to take it from me. I'm actually a little irritated by it.

He laughs. "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to someone like you." What does that mean? Ugh! I pay the check, walk outside, and give him a look.

"Scully, I'm sorry," he says, only half serious, so I roll my eyes and start walking.

He laughs and grabs my shoulder. "Ok, you're right. I realize that may have come out like I was comparing you to other women in a negative light, but that couldn't be farther from the truth."

I'm listening, I think. My eyes convey that message.

"You're so independent. It's a turn on. I was pushing your buttons to get you riled up and I'm sorry."

I crack a smile and fold my arms, looking down at the sidewalk. "Oh, Mulder. You're one sick bastard, you know that?"

"Yeah, but I'm your sick bastard now. You're stuck with me. You know that, right?" He pulls me close with a hand on the back of my head and kisses me slow. It makes my chest tighten and I get butterflies in my stomach. I smile against his lips and we stand there in the middle of the sidewalk. Just as I'm about to stand up on my toes and bring my tongue into it, a horn honks near us and I jump, looking around. His hand is still in my hair, I know he's a little disappointed it ended like that. That was our first public kiss though and I'm kicking myself a bit, we had no idea who was around us. I scan the streets, and the cars, seeing no familiar faces. All right…I look back at him.

He's definitely disappointed. "Hey" I say a little more accusation in my voice than I meant. "We agreed. We can't do things like a normal couple just now. Remember?"

"No…" he says flatly.

I raise my eyebrows.

"We agreed 'work is work.' We're not working."

"Right…Mulder…but…" I motion around to all the people. Not only are we on the sidewalk, but we're IN D.C. for Chrissakes.

"Yeah, I know. Maybe you're right." I can tell he doesn't agree but I decide to let this one go. I'm right and I know it. This could affect the X-Files and I KNOW he doesn't want that. He puts his hand on the small of my back and directs me to start walking in the direction of my apartment.

"What are your plans today?" I ask, trying to move the conversation along.

"Well, I thought I better go get our receipts and things in order. We have that audit this week of course."

Right, I think as my stomach flip flops a little. That nagging feeling is back, that weird 'things are about to change' mantra in my head. "Ok…Unless you really need me, I need to catch up on laundry, take care of some things."

He puts his hands in his pockets as we walk. "Yeah, no. I'll be ok."

We get back to my apartment and I let him in to collect his things. We're standing by the door and he looks at me. "Ok, I guess I'll see you in the morning." He pauses, then turns to go.

"Mulder," I say and grab his hand, pulling him back to me. I've made him unsure and I feel a little guilty. I kiss his lips, then his jaw tenderly. I whisper against his skin. "I love you."

He smiles like a child, innocent and happy to be accepted, and I feel a pang in my chest. What would his children look like? He sighs, relieved. He kisses my forehead and leaves. He didn't have to say it back, I knew it already.

xxxxx

Later that week, we had our audit. It didn't go well, of course. I'd tried to reassure him, as well as myself that this was always how it went. The dance we danced with the FBI. They would threaten to shut us down, and maybe they would. Until something came along that couldn't be, as Mulder would say, 'programmed, categorized, or easily referenced.'

We were now in Oregon, after getting that call from Billy Miles. We left Theresa Hoese's house. Mulder and I were standing out by the car, in her driveway. He looks distant.

"What is it, Mulder?"

"Nothin, Scully. Let's go get some dinner." I figure he's just hung up on a minor detail of the case, his brilliant mind trying to put a puzzle together. Normally I would pursue the matter, but I am tired. Also I am immediately famished when he mentions dinner.

An hour later we're back at the hotel and we discuss our plans for the investigation tomorrow. We fell easily back into the role of partners when we got here. We had both put our luggage in our own rooms, and that was how it was going to be.

I go into my room and take my notes, including everything pertaining to the case. When I stand up and start to walk to the bathroom, unbuttoning my shirt, I get dizzy. I stick my hands out and steady myself on the door jambs of the bathroom and am breathing quickly. The room is spinning and my knees are jelly. I turn around, start to walk for the bed and keep going. I go to Mulder's room. Standing outside waiting for him to open the door a chill comes over me. He pulls me inside and takes off my shoes, lets me climb in bed. He lays over the covers to keep them tight around me. We have a discussion and he tells me he wants me to stop this, to go home. That's what had been bothering him today, him seeing me holding a baby. I don't know what to think. I fall asleep with his words echoing in my ears. "There has to be an end, Scully."

A couple hours later I stir, my arm fell asleep in this position. Mulder had turned off the lights and gotten under the covers with me at some point, still spooning me though. His head pops up when I stir. "You ok, Scully?" He's been napping, keeping watch I guess. His hand is on my side, above my hip.

"Yeah," I whisper.

We lay there for a few minutes, neither of us sleeping. I am thinking.

"Mulder, I can't go home. You can't ask me to go home."

"Yes I can. You don't need this, Scully. There's so much more for you out there." His finger is calmly rubbing circles on my stomach, his hand still on my side.

His calmness at his 'suggestion' enrages me and I feel my cheeks get hot. "For God's sake, Mulder. What are you suggesting? That I leave all this behind?...and do…what? Sit around like the Mrs. and let you run all over creation, risk your life alone? Just because we had sex and you're in love, I have to be protected from all this now? You've GOT to be kidding me!" My voice has escalated in volume and my hand is in the air, waving around to prove my point.

He is still now, tense. It takes him a good ten seconds to move. When he does, he starts to back away from me. I turn and see his eyes in the ambient light from outside before he turns and sits on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall. I am immediately sorry. I don't know what came over me.

I sigh and turn over in the bed, sitting up behind him. I hesitate, then put my hand on his slouched shoulder. "Mulder…" he doesn't move, he's looking at the floor, rubbing his hands together. "Listen, I just…I don't know what you want from me. I'm sorry for what I just said but the fact remains. This is OUR quest. It quit being YOURS a long time ago. Things are changing." I suddenly realize this is what I have been talking about lately. That strange feeling I had been getting. Weird. Anyway…"Something is up and I want to get to the bottom of it as much as you."

He doesn't move, doesn't say a word. "Mulder!" he finally looks at me. "Listen to me. If I was meant to have a baby…" I absentmindedly take the cross of my necklace between my fingers, "we would have been given one. But we weren't." I sigh and look away for a moment, licking my lips. "Remember? If I quit now, they win. Something is happening to the people of this town, Mulder. Be it the government, or…." I clear my throat, force myself to say it. "aliens…it is OUR job to figure it out. I can't go home. Do you realize what you're asking of me?"

He turns around and takes my hand, I move closer to him and he turns, sitting with one leg up on the bed, his other foot on the floor. I sit facing him and rest my forehead on his. He relents, whether it's because he wants to or because I'm not giving him a choice, I don't know. But it doesn't matter. "Ok, Scully." We sit for a few minutes before he pulls back and looks at me. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine." He sighs and shakes his head subtly. The answer isn't acceptable. "I'm better. It's passed, whatever it was."

He's looking at me strangely. "What?" I ask.

"I just worry about you." He kisses me and my chest swells from the tenderness of it. I kiss him back and feel butterflies in my stomach. He senses my heightened arousal and takes it further, slowly but deliberately bringing his tongue into the kiss. The little a/c unit in his room clicks off and the silence is comforting. I hear him sigh softly and he turns onto the bed more, pulling me sideways and more directly in front of him. His back is facing the headboard. His leg is still on the bed between us and I lean into him. He moves his hands to my neck, down my arms, onto my back. I move a hand to his inner thigh and he brings his hands higher on my back again. We kiss this way for a few minutes, finding comfort in each other after our disagreement minutes ago. Finally I move my hand suggestively up his thigh and he brings his hands to my shoulders, turning me as he stands up and turns around, stands over me as he backs me up toward the pillows. He rests his hips between my thighs and lowers himself over me, giving me most of his weight. I feel safe. I wrap my arms up around his neck and pull him back down to kiss me. His hand finds its way into my hair and I smile, happy to have this again. We continue this way for a while, letting our hands roam but we have no real urgency. This is still new to us and we still have much to discover. Slowly we begin to remove each other's clothes. First his shirt, then mine. His pants, my pants, my bra. We lay there kissing for another few minutes. The skin of his warm, bare chest is pressing down on mine. He begins to kiss his way down my neck, his fingers on the other side of my neck. He's running his fingers and lips all over, feather light. He makes me shiver a few times until I spread my legs enough for him to be rubbing up against me, through our underwear. When I finally can't wait any longer, my need for him overcoming my want to explore, I run my hand down his back and under the elastic of his boxers, pushing them down. He raises up on the bed and finishes taking them off, then slides my panties down and off of me. He comes back to me and my feet are on the bed, my legs spread, waiting for him. His hands are on the bed, holding him up high and he looks down at me the whole time he enters me. God…so much for 'work is work.'

We make love for a while, I never want this to end. I slowly, slowly let myself get close a few times and then change my angle, building myself up more and more. He is sighing here, trembling there, but is also able to hold out. Our pent up urgency is gone and this is beautiful. My feet are still on the bed and I am moving around with him, my hands roaming everywhere they can reach. Up his arms, over his chest, to his neck, into his hair, down his back.

I don't know how long it's been. Ten minutes? An hour? Finally I urge him to bring his mouth to mine and we kiss. I suddenly feel overwhelmed. This is so beautiful I can hardly stand it. I bury my face in his neck and he stills his movements, concerned. "Scully…"

"Don't stop.." I sniffle and kiss his neck, feel a tear run down my temple, to my hair. He reluctantly begins to move again, responding when I bring my legs up to his hips, but don't wrap them around him. He enters me deeper and I tremble. Sobbing softly I slowly begin to tighten around him. He looks down at me and I bite my lip, trying to hide my emotion until the look of wonder on his face makes me blow out a breath and suck it back in. I stay there on the edge of orgasm as he slowly enters and pulls out over and over. Finally his movements speed up, but he doesn't thrust harder.

He lowers himself down to me, our chests touching again. He puts his arms under me and wraps his fingers over my shoulders. My legs have to lower back down and he slides over my g-spot just right. I half moan, half sob and he's kissing my cheeks, kissing my tears as I come around him slowly. I keep coming as he strokes in and out. It's so beautiful…I've never really cried during sex.

I let out a shaky breath as I finally stop coming. We look at each other for a minute, kissing softly here and there before I finally nod to him. He looks in my eyes, making sure before he starts to move again. He raises one hand to the edge of the mattress to give himself leverage as he thrusts. His other hand grips my shoulder. I lower my hips on the bed and bring my thighs up on his hips. I feel surrounded by his beautiful soul and I watch him. Eventually he can't look at me anymore and he raises his head up, his eyes closed in concentration. He shifts his arm around from under my shoulder and puts his hand on the top of my head. I reach down and grab my thighs pulling my legs up higher and he is able to enter more deeply. That does it for him.

I watch his face contort and his eyes fly open, not focusing on anything. A sharp, guttural sound escapes his throat and he comes hard, his thrusts into me sporadic now. I watch him the entire time and I meet his thrusts. Eventually I nuzzle his neck as he gives a few more random thrusts. I have never experienced this kind of passion or need before. Sure, our first times were explosive, like two stars colliding. Our bodies had joined. Now our souls had melded and in a way they couldn't have as just partners. A few more tears escape my eyes as he comes around and looks at me. We don't say a word, words would cheapen it, take away from this. We just stare at each other in wide eyed wonder, our breathing returning to normal. I stay on my back and he stretches out next to me. He rests his head on my shoulder and his hand on my stomach. I wipe my tears away and rest my hand on his head. We fall asleep like this.

The next morning we wake to the phone ringing. Mulder answers it quickly.

"Yeah, Mulder…" he pauses. "We'll be right there."

"Who was it?" I asked as he hangs up.

"Billy Miles," he says and gets out of bed, getting his clothes ready. "Asked us to go to the Hoese house immediately. Go get ready, Scully." He's back to business.

I'm not hurt, this is the life we lead. I pull my clothes on and hurry over to my room. I lay an outfit on the bed. I brush my teeth, get a quick shower, skip washing my hair. I look outside and he's already waiting in the car. I throw on my clothes, style my hair as quickly as possible. I run outside with my makeup bag and hop in the car. He pulls out and we're on our way. I feel him watching me.

"Good morning, Scully." He says and rests a hand on my thigh for a moment while I quickly apply my makeup in the mirror. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." I'm tired. I'm drained. I just woke up, how do I still feel this way? What is wrong with me? My stomach churns as I begin to worry. I begin to think back and realize I've been tired. I had chalked it up to our weekend love making marathon but it's more than that. I sit back and put away my makeup bag, chewing lightly on one of my nails. Could it be cancer? I blink away the stinging at my eyes. We've got work to do, I tell myself. I'm just fighting off a stomach flu or something. I'm over-reacting.

I look at him and that muscle in his jaw is flexing. "I'm fine, Mulder."

"Ok," he says and pulls up in front of the Hoese residence. We come to find out that Theresa was taken. I have a moment where I feel I could pass out in the baby's nursery. Maybe I stood up too fast? I hadn't eaten yet either. Later on we are in the woods and I have another episode. This is getting out of hand, I'm worried.

When we are back in D.C., I stay away from Mulder outside of work. I'm stressed, worried, angry, sad. He looks at me like he knows what I'm worried about.

Soon after we get back, I walk down to find Skinner, Krycek and Covarrubias all in our office with Mulder. After we all meet in Skinner's office with Byers, Frohike and Langly, Mulder and I are now talking in the hallway.

"Mulder, if any of this is true…"

"If it is or if it isn't, I want you to forget about it, Scully."

"Forget about it?" Is he kidding?

"You're not going back out there," he says. "I'm not gonna let you go back out there."

"What are you talking about?" We just had this conversation in Oregon!

"It has to end sometime, that time is now."

"Mulder!" I can't believe this!

"No, you have to understand. They're taking abductees. You're an abductee." Realization washes over me. "I'm not gonna risk losing you."

He's right. And I know he's serious, he won't let me go. I step toward him, I feel terrible. I want to go. Who will have his back? We hug and I can't let him do this. "I won't let you go alone."

He sighs and steps back, bending slightly to look me in the eyes. "Scully, you're NOT. GOING!" he puts out his hands, laying down the line.

"Ok, Mulder. But you're not going alone." I walk past him, back into Skinner's office. We explain the situation and Skinner agrees to go. He tells Mulder to meet him at the airport.

We go down to our office and we collect our things. "Mulder, I'll meet you at your place. I'll drive you. So you won't have to…leave your car at the airport," I say as we ride back up on the elevator. I need to be with him before he goes.

He looks at me, concerned with my despondent attitude. I shake my head and get off the elevator, going for my car. At his place we go up and I go in, waiting by the door while he packs his bag.

We get in my car and start in the direction of the airport. "Scully, what's wrong with you?"

I'm too worn out to deny it. "I don't know." I keep my eyes on the road.

He sighs and puts his hand over his mouth, his first two fingers stroking his lips. "I want you to get checked out."

"I just had an annual checkup with the oncologist two months ago. I'm fine."

"Just do it, Scully."

"Mulder, I said I'm fine!" I snap.

He sighs, he must decide to let it be for now. When we get to the airport, we see Skinner waiting inside of the drop off, waiting for Mulder. He's on the phone. He holds up a hand to let us know he sees us and paces back and forth.

Mulder and I sit there for a moment before he reaches over and forces me to look at him, his fingers on my chin. Tears fill my eyes, I don't know why. He looks toward Skinner, making sure he's not looking. He leans in, gives me a chaste kiss and tucks my hair back behind my ear.

"Bye, Mulder." I exhale as he gets out of the car and I watch him go. I watch him and Skinner meet up and they start to walk toward the check in area. Mulder makes eye contact with me, gives me a tight lipped smile and it's the last I see of him. I put the car in drive and head back to the Hoover building.

I meet with the Byers, Langly and Frohike again. I begin going over things and everything falls into place. "When it's Mulder who's in danger." Frohike says. The room goes dark.

The next thing I know, the three of them are kneeling over me and I'm looking at the ceiling. They look at me, confused.

"I need to go to the hospital," I tell them and tears fill my eyes. "And get a hold of Mulder! Tell him not to do this!"

A while later I am at the hospital. I go through the ER, explaining to them what blood tests I need. I sit on a bed in the ER and stare at the wall. Even though they will rush the tests for me, I still will have to wait a while.

Not ten minutes later a doctor pushes back the curtain and stands in front of me, clipboard in hand. "This is Fox Muld—" I push the end button on my phone, tears in my eyes. Voice mail again. I look at the doctor. There's no way they ran the tests that fast. I give him a frustrated look, I didn't want to be disturbed. I glare at him as he takes a seat on the stool next to the bed, facing me.

"Agent Scully, looking at your symptoms earlier I couldn't help but wonder if there might be something…else. We will still run the tests you requested of course, but I believe they will all come out negative."

"What are you talking about?" I put my wrist to my mouth, cell phone still in hand, staring at the wall behind the doctor. I'm annoyed with him.

"I ran a routine blood test when I read of the symptoms you reported in triage, Agent Scully. You're pregnant."

I stare at the wall behind him, anger slowly rising up like bile in my throat. My eyes slowly move to him, cold as ice. "Is this a joke?"

He looks confused. "…No, Agent Scully."

"Then there was a screw up. In your lab. That's another woman's blood work. Now…" I seethe. "Go run the tests that I ordered!" I am yelling.

He looks down at his clipboard. "Dana K. Scully, 2-23-64."

"I'm supposed to be unable to conceive. This is insensitive and completely irresponsible." I glare at him until he becomes uncomfortable. Finally I quickly stand up, keeping my eyes on his I yank the clipboard out of his hands and he jumps. I glare at him for another second before I look down. There is my name, on the test. I look up at him again, ready to show him that he doesn't know what he's talking about, ridicule him for misreading a simple blood test. I skim my finger down the list and my finger stops at HCG. My finger runs from one side of the page to the other, finding the corresponding number. The levels are up. Way up. "Oh, God." I rasp. It all falls into place. They were symptoms of pregnancy. I've had mood swings, God I've had mood swings. The nausea, the vertigo. My heart would be pumping harder, sending more blood to my uterus. This is not happening.

The doctor stands up, staying away from me. "I'm going to send in an ultrasound technician." He leaves quickly.

I drop the clipboard on the floor, the room is spinning. I make it back to the bed and sit down, gasping for breath. I feel like I will hyperventilate. "Mulder…" I whisper and grasp for my phone. I hit the call button twice, redialing his number. I look at my watch, their flight should have landed. His voice mail automatically picks up, he hasn't switched his phone back on yet. I wait for the beep and yell into the phone. "God damn it, Mulder! Turn your phone back on! You have to stop and come back home. DO NOT GO IN THE WOODS." The room is spinning again and I can't catch my breath. "Mulder," I'm crying now. "Mulder, I need to talk to you. I need you to call me as soon as possible." Now I'm smiling and I can't help it. I go over and kneel to the floor and stay there, picking up the clipboard and looking at it again. I am still smiling and gasping into the phone. Then my face scrunches up again and I sob. As if he can hear me, I tell him, "I just got some incredible news, Mulder. Come home, Mulder. I need to see you." If I say his name enough times, maybe he will hear me. I hang up and call the Gunmen. Byers answers.

"Scully. Is everything all right?"

"I need to talk to Mulder." Is all I can say.

"We haven't been able to reach him."

"You have to reach him."

"We're trying everything we can. Neither Skinner nor Mulder have switched their phones on."

"You guys can track a dinghy by satellite on the ocean in the Bermuda Triangle, but you can't find Mulder in Oregon?! Find him!" I snap and hang up the phone.

I call Mulder's phone again and start to cry at the sound of his voice on his recording. "Mulder, I'm at the hospital. You have to call me. Please…Call me, damn it! I need you HERE!" I jam my thumb onto the end button so hard I break my nail. My hand flies to my mouth and my other hand hits the nearest wall. "SON OF A…MMMM!"

A young, mouse-like woman clears her throat and timidly pulls back the little curtain by my bed. "Ms. Scully," she murmers. "The doctor ordered an ultrasound." She pushes her machine in, avoiding my eyes. She starts getting ready.

I freeze, staring at the machine. I'm not ready for this. What if it's true? What if it's NOT true? I'm gnawing on the nail I just broke.

"If you could, put this on…please? I'll wait outside." She lays a gown next to me and scurries out.

With robotic movements, I change. I stand there, staring at the machine. After several minutes she calls my name, poking her head in. "Ms. Scully, are you ready?"

"Yeah." I climb on the bed, my heart pounding.

The young woman is nervous, but professional. She prepares me and switches on the machine. Finally she squeezes the jelly on my skin and I jump at the coldness. I stare at the machine, breathing heavily, waiting for her to do this.

She is about to press the probe on me and I can't look anymore. I stare at the ceiling, ready to be…what? Relieved? Disappointed, I decide. I want this.

The probe makes contact with my stomach. Time seems to slow and I look at the technician. She looks at me and smiles, no longer nervous. "Do you hear that?"

Tears fill my eyes and I sob. "Is that a heart beat?"

"Yes it is."

"Oh my God." I cover my eyes and sob again. This is a dream.

"Look, Ms. Scully."

I slowly turn my head and look, blinking away tears.

She turns the machine toward me a little. "This…" she points, "is your baby."

"I don't….that? That right there?"

"Yes ma'am." She concentrates on the machine again, pushing buttons on the keyboard. "You're…between 6 and 7 weeks, from the look of it." My eyes are glued on the screen. The in-vitro failed months ago. Before the New Year. It hadn't even occurred to me yet that it had been that long, that that couldn't have been how this happened. My brain slowly muddles to the realization. 6-7 weeks ago. Was there any chance I had been taken? What was I doing? The air escapes my lungs and I can't breathe again.

I had found Daniel in the hospital. I had…We had…Oh my God. Mulder.

"Are you ok, Ms. Scully?"

I can't breathe. "I need some water."

"Let me finish up here and I will send a nurse." She prepares her machine to take it with her. "Here you go. Congratulations." She hands me a printout and tears fill my eyes yet again. This is not happening.

She leaves the room and I dial Mulder's number again. "Mulder…" I can't say anything else. "Mulder…" I hang up. A nurse comes in, gives me some water and I gulp it down. They end up releasing me, telling me to make an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible.

I go home and continue to call Mulder, call Skinner, call Mulder. I call Byers again, and he sounds nearly exhausted as I feel.

"They must be in a hurry. They should be driving to Bellefleur by now. We missed them at the rental car agency. We hacked into their system and found that they had rented a car. Scully, maybe you could call the Oregon state police, have them stop them?"

I consider this. What if it's nothing, and Mulder isn't in danger? After all Skinner is doing for us, this would raise red flags, putting out a 'be on the lookout' for the two of them in Oregon. Skinner being there with Mulder would jeopardize everything. If Mulder comes back, and the FBI hears about Skinner…he was an ally we could not afford to lose. "I'll think about it, Byers."

"Ok, Scully. Get some rest. We're doing what we can."

Later in the morning I call Dr. Parenti and they say they will squeeze me in, to come in the afternoon. I spend the morning calling Mulder, calling Skinner, calling Mulder. How could they be so stupid? To leave their phones off.

I sit on the couch and stare at nothing, filing down the nail I broke earlier. They must have made it to Bellefleur by now. Were they in the woods? I pick up the phone and continue to call Mulder, simply listening to his voice and hanging up. I call the handful of Bellefleur motels and do not find them. I should have followed them as soon as I figured it out. I could have caught a flight and been not too far behind them. Just for the sake of trying, I call Billy Miles but he is still missing. I stare at the ultrasound picture and my emotions run wild. I sleep for an hour or so, in five minute intervals. I call Mulder's cell phone every time I wake up.

I go to the doctor and he congratulates me. He doesn't know what to make of the situation. He's as perplexed as I am. "I sense that all is not well, Dana….after the attempt at in-vitro...don't you want this pregnancy?"

I look at him, tears in my eyes. "Of course I do."

"Then what is the problem?" He coaxes, smiling.

"My partner…his life may be in danger."

"I see… Do you believe he is the father?"

"I…have no other explanation," my voice cracks.

"I understand…I know that this is unavoidable, but you need to try not to worry. This is a very important stage in your baby's development and things need to go as smoothly as possible. When you feel stressed, so does your baby. I know I don't need to tell you this, but don't forget it."

I nod. He's right, it is unavoidable.

He says with the mysterious nature of my pregnancy, he'd like to admit me into the hospital to run extensive tests. I agree, what else am I going to do with my time?

After I am checked into a room, it is getting dark. I stare outside, calling Mulder, calling Skinner, calling Mulder.

I call the Gunmen's number again. I get Frohike this time. "Scully, where are you?"

"I'm…in the hospital."

"Is everything ok? What can we do?"

"Nothing, I'm fine. Please just…have you found out anything?" I'm falling apart.

"No."

"Nothing on the military satellites? The UFO?"

"Nothing yet, It's still sitting there. We'll let you know if anything changes."

I fall asleep, exhausted. I wake to a knocking on my door in the early morning hours. The nurse comes in. "Agent Scully, there are three…strange gentleman that say you will know who they are. They say they need to see you, that it's urgent. Obviously it's after visiting hours but if you need to see them I'll let them through." Oh, the privileges of being an FBI agent.

I go to the bathroom and when I come out, they're just entering my room. I freeze at the looks on their faces. "What?"

"Scully, sit down." Byers says.

"Tell me," I say.

They look amongst themselves, afraid to go on.

"Tell me!"

"We picked up the craft on the satellite." Langly says.

"Ok…?"

"Scully," Frohike says, guiding me to sit down on my bed.

I sit down, "No…" I say, not wanting to hear what I know he's about to say.

"We called Mulder, and then Skinner when we picked up activity."

They all pause and look amongst each other again.

"…and?" I whisper.

"We finally spoke to Skinner. Mulder's missing." Byers says.

They are looking at me with pity in their eyes. I can't stand it. They know what ward of the hospital this is. What a shock they must have gotten when they got my room number and realized where I am. I am shaking my head. "He's just…sniffing out some other lead. He's around," They all shake their heads. "I know…but I have to hope. I need you to leave guys. Thank you."

I get in the bed with my back towards them and curl up, waiting for them to leave. When I hear the door click shut I sob. I call out Mulder's name and no one answers. I imagined if this is what Mulder felt like when I was taken. I decide this is worse, not to downplay his emotions. But we are so much more to each other than we imagined we could be, then.

If I had only had the courage to call the state police, have them track down Mulder and give them the message. I am filled with other regrets. Snapping at Mulder so many times. Hormones or not, I regretted it deeply. If I could go back, I would kiss him on the street. I'd stand up with him on a car so everyone could see. I would never let him go…

The next couple of days go by in a blur. Skinner is the only one I tell of my secret. I meet Agent John Doggett. He is suspicious of me. He's a real piece of work.

One night I go to Mulder's apartment and find one of his work shirts tossed carelessly on the bed. I lay with it and the smell comforts me. Doggett catches me. I hate him even more for invading Mulder's space. For moving the damn fish food.

For months, what should be the happiest time in my life is the darkest. The only thing keeping me tethered down is the life growing inside me. I make careless mistakes. I go on a case without Doggett. Without a partner, without backup and it nearly costs me everything. Slowly I begin to trust Doggett. His intentions are noble, even if he is as blind to the paranormal as I could ever imagine.

And then…Mulder is dead. I am crushed. I can't decide if having this baby is making it better or worse. The baby gives me a reason to live, but makes the loss of Mulder that much more excruciating. I had taken to imagining him as a father. I see Mulder holding a baby up by the hands and smiling at me as it learns to put one foot in front of the other. I see him reading a child to sleep. Teaching a little boy…or girl…how to play T-ball, how to shoot a basketball, how to ride a bike.

I torture myself with these images at night, but am professional and stoic as I have always been at work. I try to be the open mind in the X-Files now, to honor Mulder's legacy. I find I am not able to play the part to a T, no one can make connections like Mulder can…could. Agent Doggett and I have a good partnership, but we do not rely on one another as Mulder and I had from the start. I often dwell on why we were so drawn to each other from the very beginning. Opposites attract, I suppose. Agent Doggett was far from my opposite, he was more like me than like Mulder. He needed convincing, and then some, that anything paranormal existed. I, at least, could accept paranormal cases on a scientific level. Agent Doggett couldn't seem to wrap his head around any of it. He was Mulder's complete opposite. Doggett respected my personal space, where Mulder had tested my boundaries early and constantly: leaning into our conversations, tugging on a low hanging necklace, guiding me down a hallway with a hand on my back. Doggett kept it professional from the start. We remained 'Agent Doggett' and 'Agent Scully' to each other, eternally. Mulder had called me Scully the first day, if only to see how trusting I was. He'd pushed the limits of my beliefs. He tested my fortitude sometimes, because he knew it would make me realize my own strength to know that I could make it through whatever he threw at me. I smile despite myself as I remember him pushing my limits in the baseball diamond, coaching me to hitting that home run. He challenged me into doing so, without me even noticing what he was doing at the time.

I go to Mulder's apartment many times. His lease was still not up and I couldn't bear to stop paying his rent and clear it out yet. His things are starting to lose his scent and I feel deserted.

When I hear of the Billy Miles case and what Skinner has done, exhumed Mulder and found him with signs of life I don't allow myself to think of the inconceivability of it all. In any other case I would fight it until there was undeniable proof. But with Mulder, I want…have to believe.

It had been strange. With my sister and my father, I would have days where I would swear they were right there over my shoulder, checking up on me. I would be reminded of them constantly by songs, or images on those days and I knew they were visiting me. I was constantly reminded of Mulder but I never felt his presence. I didn't realize the significance until I was on the way to the hospital, begging God for it to be true.

When I got there and saw him on life support, it was as if he was walking and talking. He was back and I clung to the idea that he was back for good in an unhealthy way. I needed him to wake up like I needed air.

The next several days I fight tooth and nail to bring Mulder back to me. When Skinner takes Mulder off of life support in an attempt to stop Krycek's plans, it ends up saving's Mulder's life. Why would Krycek do that?

And then Mulder woke up…


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

RATING: NC-17 (for the fact that the other parts of this story are also NC-17, but this one has far less smut than the others. This is probably a strong R with lots of UST. Sorry smut lovers!)

CATEGORIES: Story-Mulder POV

KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully relationship

SPOILERS: MAJOR spoilers for Deadalive, Three Words, Empedocles and Vienen. Some of the conversations here are ripped straight from these episodes and a re-watch or at least a read-up on the summaries is recommended if you are rusty. Minor spoilers for many others.

DISCLAIMER: Do I really have to say it? I don't own any characters in this story. I only own the action figures, and they don't do anything this cool.

SUMMARY: A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first serious attempt at fanfiction. Feedback is begged for! But please be gentle! All out flames may be printed out, lit up and fed to that demon baby from "Terms of Endearment." Please forgive me for any discrepancies in the timeline, I admire those who can keep track better than I can. This is my attempt to give insight into Mulder's unusual behavior to Scully in Three Words. Thanks to my friends Heather and Melissa for feedback. Special thanks to Melissa for her insight on Skinner.

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I am coming to, waking up. From what, I don't know. But it seems I have been to the depths of Hell and back. I am afraid to come out of this rest, afraid to wake and find that I am still in Hell. Then I hear her, an angel. "Mulder…" I open my eyes and she is there. Scully. Beautiful Scully. "Hi…" she is unsure if I am all there.

I don't let my face show recognition. "Who are you?" I ask.

She crumbles, but tries to be strong. Then I smile, my eyes say 'I had you big time.'

"Oh my God, don't do that to me!" she sobs and tears run down her face. "Do you know…do you have any idea what you've been through?"

"Only what I see in your face." I say, not sure where or when I am right now.

She strokes my hair and I look at her, my time with her seeming like vague memories of a past life. I know deep inside, though, how I used to feel and my lips mouth the words, "I love you."

She doesn't say them back and I wonder again, how long has it been? She lays her head on my chest, and I turn my head towards her, looking at the top of her head. I slowly begin to wake up more, but feel less myself than ever before. A piece of me is missing. "Anybody miss me?" I ask. Sarcasm, my fallback plan. I remember that much.

She laughs and cries, holding my hand. My eyes look past her, to the wall. Where have I been? I close my eyes and smell her hair, trying to bring myself back to the person I was. We stay there for a while, and finally I shift around uncomfortably. I don't feel 100% in my body. I'm not all there. Is she still mine? Finally she mumbles against my chest, "Mulder, there's something you need to see."

Not now, Scully…Just let me rest. She looks at me and I see something in her eyes that I can't make out. We are both different people. "What?…" I am not myself. Not the person I used to be, anyway. Why is this? I search myself, trying to remember what's happened to me.

"Mulder..." She's searching for the words. Finally she gives up and stands. I keep my eyes on her face, confused. She lowers her eyes and takes her hand from mine and rests it on a swollen belly.

I know she's searching my face for some kind of reaction, but my reaction is no reaction at all. She's managed to get pregnant. I look away. "What year is it, Scully?"

"2001."

I look at the ceiling. I look to her swollen belly, then back to the ceiling again. The IVF attempt had been quite expensive. While we had discussed this, she had said that it would drain her savings. I had insisted on helping. I had, after all, felt like it was the least I could do. But we had failed. She's been able to try again, obviously. And if someone's provided financial support, what else had they provided? And so soon? I can't look at her. "I need some rest, Scully." I close my eyes.

She stands there for a moment and I won't look at her. I will lie here until she has that baby. I am definitely not myself because the man I was before would be happy for her. It might have broken my heart but she deserved that, and much more. I remember feeling that way at one time, at least.

Finally she walks out without a word. I open my eyes again and stare at the ceiling. I know the man I used to be loved her. But who am I now? Who is she now?

A doctor comes in shortly after and examines me. He informs me of all that he wants to do and I don't hear much. Scully's pregnant and it's not mine. Who could it be?

Later on I am given the ok to walk around. The nurse helps me out a bit before she knows I can handle myself and I ask to be alone. I slowly walk to the bathroom. While lying in bed I had recalled our last investigation. I slowly pieced together that I must have been abducted. I look in the mirror and it's like someone opens a flood gate. I hear machinery, drills, whirring and cranking. I feel the skin on my cheeks stretched out, drills in my mouth, screws in my arms, a saw on my chest. I fall to the floor and am nauseous. They had encouraged me to eat a very small meal earlier. The saltine crackers and green jell-o are gone on the first heave and I hover over the toilet, hacking and dry heaving. I see stars, I am weak.

Scully, I think. I sit back against the bathroom wall, my head between my knees trying to make the room stop spinning. I don't know why I think of her. She is a piece of that past life. None of it was mine anymore. Fragments of images flash before my eyes. I search for myself in those memories.

I see us playing baseball. I see us making out on my couch. I see her on the floor as I'm laying back on her bed, taking me into her mouth. I see her under me and she is crying as we make love in a dark hotel room. On and on it goes until I can't take it anymore. I cannot find myself.

I unsteadily stand up and move to the bed. I sleep for a while.

When I wake I sit up in a chair in the room, I touch each injury and individually recall the cause. With all they have taken from me physically, they have taken twice as much mentally.

Scully returns later with the doctor and I try to talk the talk and walk the walk of being Fox Mulder. The old me would do it in the name of being strong for her. Now I'm not sure why I do it. Maybe I don't want her to see me as weak. They inform me that I check out and I'm in perfect health. If they say so. They say my neurological condition is gone. Oh yeah…that. Well thank god I'm healed. I wouldn't want to die before I found out how Scully got pregnant. Fucking splendid, life shall be now that I'm healthy!

Scully takes me home and I continue to try to walk the walk. She tries to connect with me. She says she has me back. I am bitter, and fall back on sarcasm. She says she prayed a lot and all her prayers have been answered. I test her, lie and say I'm happy for her. How much it must mean to her. She cries and says my name. She just doesn't get it. I'm not who I was.

I suppose there is a smidgen of myself there, I apologize and try to explain. Or maybe that's just a man's basic instinct, the one that hates to see a woman cry. I tell her I just don't know where I fit in. And I don't. "I'm just having a little trouble processing…everything." I say bitterly. I couldn't have been gone more than the blink of an eye before she got pregnant, my math says. I don't know exactly how far she is but she moved quickly. I shake my head. "I need to rest, Scully."

"Ok…" she says, but she walks closer to me, ducking her head to try to search my eyes. She moves into that space she used to occupy as my partner and goes to reach for my hand.

I pull back and stand up from where I am sitting on my desk, ducking around her. "I just need some time." I say and avoid her eyes.

She tries to be strong as she gives me her key to my apartment. Mine must be in the bottom some UFO's incinerator, where they threw my clothes. I let her out and lock the door. The old me would have never left things like that. Well the old Scully wouldn't have been trying to get pregnant while there was a manhunt for me on, I say. This is how I justify my bastardly behavior.

I spend the evening doing things I used to do, still trying to find myself. I bounce my basketball until someone downstairs pounds on the ceiling with a broom or something. I wonder if it's still old Mrs. Chisholm down there. I sit on the couch with my back to the armrest opposite the fish tank. I watch them swimming, then get a flash of my past life. I'm staring at my fish tank over Scully's shoulder as I cry at the loss of my mother. Through my tears I watch them swimming before I start to nuzzle on her neck and that ignites a spark that almost advances to us…being together. I remember it vividly, but can't explain why I don't feel like I was never there.

I know for certain I used to feel something in my chest when I thought of her. I put my hand over my chest now and try to remember. All I remember is the saw, cutting into me. What did they take from me while they were in there? What had it felt like? Was it warm? Was it heavy? I used to smile, not this walking the walk bull shit. I run my fingers over my lips and recall the memory of us playing baseball. I used to dwell on this and smile quite often. Now, my lips remain in my mouth as I worry them between my teeth. This is pointless. A piece of me is still buried in that grave, with my mother. Gone for good.

I get up and begin the process of cleaning out my fish tank, taking the fish out with the net and putting them in glasses of water. It's the only thing in my apartment that does need a cleaning.

After an evening alone, I watch old black and white movies that I used to watch. I order from the Chinese food place I used to order from. I still can't find myself.

I fall asleep on the couch and wake around midnight, running for the bathroom. I don't know which test I was dreaming about but that's ok. After I've lost all the Chinese food that was probably too rich for me anyway considering I haven't eaten in months, I go and collapse on the bed. I lay sideways on it, instead of with my head on the pillows. I move around, trying to be comfortable. I look at the pillows, remembering being with Scully for the first time. Finally I get up and move to the floor, on my back staring at the ceiling. I'm not so used to a soft bed these days. They're not standard fare on flying saucers.

Staring at the ceiling, I know the old me would be thinking of Scully after an ordeal like this. I would no doubt call her, drawing and feeding on her strength. She feels like a stranger to me, now.

The next day after I've got off the floor, my back aching, I stand under the scalding hot spray in the shower for at least half an hour. I just stare at the wall. I have a memory of washing Scully's hair, then later maneuvering her hips over me and she was in ecstasy. To me it feels like 2 weeks ago and 10 years ago simultaneously.

Later, Scully and Skinner stop by. In our conversation, I find I am better able to talk the talk, walk the walk. I do it because I have nothing else to do and nothing else to hold on to. Scully and I look at each other a few times, but I am tough on her. I tell her point blank that she's going to have a baby soon and I know her concerns will be bigger than all of this. I push her away. I am taking this out on her and regret none of it.

After Scully leaves, Skinner remains. I'm ready to go but he wants to have a chat. I indulge him in his man to man out of respect. "Is there something you'd like to talk about, Agent Mulder?"

"As in…?"

"Scully's been through so much and it seems that you're distancing yourself. I would think you could really use her strength right now."

I snap, bitterness rising in my throat. "Look! I appreciate all you've done…"

"You don't get it, do you Mulder?!" he booms in his powerful voice. "Scully was a mess without you. She got careless and we almost lost her a few times. It's almost like she couldn't function without you. She made rookie mistakes, endangered her life and her baby's life…"

"AND?!" I force myself to take a deep breath, Skinner is not the one I'm upset with. "Look, I don't need this right now." I go for the door and hold it open, wait for him to walk out. He sighs, shakes his head and walks past me. I lock the door and we walk down the hall.

On the elevator, in a calmer voice, he says, "Mulder."

"Not now, sir. I don't want to talk about her." He's not telling me something, but I am the least bit interested in how Scully acted while I was missing. The most important aspect of how she spent her time while I was away stared me in the face every time I saw her. I didn't need Skinner to tell me how it happened.

Soon Scully and I are investigating my hunch together. Under the radar, of course. We try to make connections with everything that's going on. With Absalom, with the census worker. She is along for the ride and I allow it, but I am weary of her.

Up in the evidence room, I take another jab at Scully. "You don't get it do you, Scully? The man shot at the White House, the prison escapee? There's something bubbling to the surface here. I wanna know what it is."

"Mulder, you have been through an ordeal that defies all logical explanation," she argues. "How can you think that these two men have the answers when they defy the standard of credibility?"

I once told her that her strict rationalism saved me, in my past life. Her arguments are not welcome to me anymore. "And since when does an X-File not defied a certain standard of credibility? At least that's the way it USED to work."

She tries to tell me what I'm doing would put me in prison. I remind her, in case she's forgotten, that I've been through Hell recently and prison would be easy. She begins to walk off, leave me down there. In my past I would have cared that she was offended. We end up finding something on the computer though and she takes the hard drive from me, she's going to investigate it herself. Well that just takes the cake, doesn't it? She's on the X-Files after all.

I have a confrontation with this Agent Dog-face over his role in getting Absalom killed, the first thing I am passionate about since I've returned. The X-Files had been my quest for a large chunk of my adult life, and he is encroaching. I don't trust him one bit. I think I try to begrudge him that he's been working side by side with Scully since my abduction because that's what the old me would have done. But I feel nothing, really, on that matter.

That evening, Scully calls me to her apartment. Tells me who she's got there, three computer geeks who are looking forward to seeing me.

When I get there, I do feel a bit of nostalgia and actually smile with my old friends. How can I connect with them more in 30 seconds than I have with Scully in days? I had shared a bed with her.

After Frohike hugs me at the door, the sap, I shake hands with Byers and he says, "I think it goes without saying that we're all tremendously relieved…"

I shake hands with Langly. He has an 'open mouth, insert foot' moment, as my mother would have said. "…and not just because we have big questions about your involvement in a certain blessed event," he says and nods toward Scully.

Wait a second, why hasn't she told them? I suppose it's not their business per se, but obviously they have talked about it if they feel comfortable enough bringing it up in front of her. Our attempt failed. She won't look at me for a moment and I move my face into her line of vision, giving her an accusatory glance. She is all business. Well at least I could still count on her for that, if nothing else.

They inform me of what they've found on the encrypted hard drive from the evidence room. How this is a dead end in all of their eyes.

"Well…I see. Someone has been doing a little campaigning for her cause." Another accusatory glance. "Well remember boys, this is America. Just because you get more votes doesn't mean you win." Implying she is the opponent. I almost snap my hand in front of me when I look at her again.

The guys start packing up their things, quiet like children around two fighting parents. "Hey, guys. Thanks for trying."

"Mulder, come over Friday. We'll celebrate your return." Says Frohike.

"I don't know, I don't feel much like celebrating." I look at Scully and she puts her hands on her hips, exhales sharply out of her nose and looks away.

"Don't hold out on us, Mulder. I'll make my famous tacos and we'll drink beer like men. Fatten you back up a bit," he says.

"Lose any more weight and you'll fit in with us," Langly quips.

I can't help but smile, these guys did a lot to help while I was gone. I'm sure of it. "Fine, Friday it is." I shake hands with them all before they go, each of them nodding goodbye to Scully.

She closes the door behind them and stands there with her hand on the knob for a minute. I'm standing over by the table with my arms crossed, watching her.

"Mulder," she finally says. "Have you forgotten? I'm not the enemy."

I stare her down for a few moments, though her back is to me. "I haven't forgotten that we used to be allies."

She whips around to look me in the eyes, "What the hell does that mean?"

"Look, I told you I'm still trying to find my place. It's looking like YOU have allies that I would never have as such. So I don't know what that makes you."

Her eyes fill with tears and she walks over to the phone, dials a number, requests a cab to come to her address.

When she hangs up I ask, "What are you doing? My car's here." The FBI's car that I'm driving, anyway.

"Not everything's about you, Mulder," she says flatly. There's a flashback to my past.

Right. The old me would care. I sit down and start messing with the laptop on her table, determined to find something. I am at a standstill in this investigation.

I hear her front door click closed and I barely glance up enough to notice she's gone.

But five minutes later, she is back already. I figured I had time to get out of here before she got back. I ask her what she's doing back and know something's happened. She doesn't want to tell me. "Scully if you know something that could get us moving forward again, you need to tell me."

Someone, she won't tell me who, has approached her with information. 'Fight the future' that's my pass code. I go to leave, grabbing my jacket. "Mulder, don't go. There's no way this will work." I'm walking past her now. "Mulder, please!" she grabs my wrist. "You just got back, it's too dangerous. You need to rest and get your strength back."

When I feel her skin on mine I move back, my hands going up in a back off stance. "I'm going."

"Then I am too." She follows me out.

My old self wouldn't let her come, in her state. "It's your ass on the line then," I say, walking down her hallway toward the exit. "I'm not on the X-Files, got nothing to lose," another jab. I call the Gunmen and tell them what's going down. They're going to meet us.

We only speak when necessary on the way to the facility, and as we sit and wait for the guys to get there. She looks at me several times, and I don't even have the motivation to care what she's thinking. I know I would have, in the past. Where has that part of me gone to? I remember waking up in the hospital. I told this woman I loved her. Was it a habit? An attempt to ground myself after drifting for so long? Must have been. I feel for nothing more than the thing I've known for half of my adult life: the X-Files.

The X-Files didn't mysteriously get pregnant when I disappeared.

The guys park blocks away and call me when they are in position to begin.

Hours later, I'm lying back on my couch in the dark, tossing my basketball up and down above my chest. I'm processing everything that went down. Doggett supposedly saved my ass from the cavalry. My paranoia has saved my ass many times in the past. Scully would have me believe that Doggett did a good thing, but I can only imagine it was all an elaborate set up to get me to trust Doggett. If I trusted him, he could drive the X-Files into the ground right under my nose. I couldn't do it, trust him. And for all I knew, Scully could be in on it. I rest my basketball by my side.

I feel the tiniest niggling of doubt in the back of my head for the first time in my distrust of Scully. She had been unwavering in her loyalty in my past. I rest my hand on my chest, trying to search for the feeling I knew I should feel if I trusted her completely. It's an empty shell. Maybe the aliens took my heart.

The next two days, I take off work. I'm just a desk-monkey anyway. I claim I need time to regain my strength. I have been through an ordeal, after all.

I have a lot to process before I step back into the dance, and I decide to plan my steps carefully. Scully stays clear of me. She only calls once to ask if I am ok and it only bolsters my suspicions, her minimal contact. The old Scully would hound me until I let her in again.

Friday night, I head for the Gunmen's office/living quarters. When I get there, they've gone all out for the celebration. They've got a case of beer and recordings of various sporting events I've missed in my absence. And the promised tacos. I thank them all, feeling a little piece of my old self again. These guys are true friends.

We sit and Langly passes me a beer. They got my favorite, Shiner Bock. I pop the cap off against the table and take a swig. A vivid flashback, the most vivid yet. Must be from the addition of another sense, taste. Scully and I are sitting on my couch, watching 'Caddyshack.' I massage her back before we make out and take it further. The only reaction my body gives in the present is a slight stir in my groin. My chest is still empty, I observe.

The guys and I eat, and I catch up on some football. I have a decent time, and actually laugh a few times. But I still can't find the rest of myself. After a long while, we grow quiet.

Finally Byers speaks up, imagining himself a master of the heart I suppose. "How are you and Scully?"

My eyes jerk up and I'm angry at the mention of her name.

"She was beside herself when you were taken, Mulder," Frohike volunteers.

I say, "Yeah, well looks like it didn't take her too long to get over it. If you know what I mean."

They look amongst themselves and nod. Langly rolls on his stool over to one of their computers, tapping on a keyboard.

Byers says, "When you were taken, we took the liberty of…" he clears his throat. "…monitoring your voice and email until both accounts were switched off by the Bureau."

I shrug, I trust these guys.

"We didn't want you to miss anything, if you got any tips…or calls regarding unsolved cases. Agent Scully was a little busy with…things," Frohike says and I smirk. Yeah, I'll bet.

Langly rolls over to me with some headphones and hands them to me. "As you know, no one was able to stop you after our…revelation. We were still in Skinner's office and Scully fell out when we realized what might happen to you. She demanded to be taken to the hospital, and for us to try and stop you. These voice mails were recorded while you were still in Oregon, presumably driving to Bellefleur."

I take the headphones reluctantly. What are these guys up to? "Listen when you're ready," Byers says and they look amongst each other again before silently getting up and going to their living area to give me some privacy.

I go and sit in front of the computer. What's their deal? I hesitate with my hand on the mouse, over the play button. I hold the headphones up to one ear. Finally curiosity gets the better of me and I click play.

"God damn it, Mulder! Turn your phone back on! You have to stop and come back home. DO NOT GO INTO THE WOODS."

Ok…what's the big deal about this? I turn around briefly and watch the guys across the room, then turn back around when they aren't acknowledging me. Frohike and Langly are having some geek argument.

"Mulder," she half sobs and my hand goes to my chest. The raw emotion in her voice makes me sit up. I really feel my heart beating for the first time since I've returned. Not like when I was running the other day. This is another heart I feel. "Mulder, I need to talk to you. I need you to call me as soon as possible." I am confused because I hear a smile in her voice. I had begun to worry she had gotten some bad news at the hospital when she had gotten checked out as I had asked her to. "I just got some incredible news, Mulder. Come home, Mulder. I need to see you." I feel my stomach do somersaults and my heart aches at the vulnerability in her voice. Then I think of that smile I just heard in her voice. My eyes sting as I feel that feeling I was trying to imagine in my apartment the other night. My chest feels full, like it will split open and my heart will float right out, thinking of her smile.

I click on the next file, pulling the headphones all the way over my head. "Mulder, I'm at the hospital. You have to call me. Please…Call me, damn it! I need you HERE!" The need for me in her voice pulls me, warp speed, right back into my place in the universe. I no longer need to ask where I fit in. My old Scully brings me back down to earth, no pun intended.

The next voice mail, she simply says my name twice. She's calling me over thousands of miles and gets no answer.

And that's all there is. I sit there, trying to catch my breath. I gulp down the rest of the beer I'm drinking. My fourth already. Oh, Scully…I bury my head in my hands. My Scully would have never changed. It was all me. I had been missing something, it was all in my head. Even if she had decided to try to have a child with another man, she deserved nothing but happiness. But she would never turn her back on me, or our quest. Even if she decided to leave the X-Files, she would never do anything to put them or me in jeopardy. I've had my head up my ass since I woke up.

I sigh and walk over to the guys in a daze, sitting on one of their couches. They quiet down and look at me, then pass me another beer. I sip on it a couple times, then just set it on the table in front of me. I'm stroking my jaw absentmindedly, totally oblivious to their conversation which has picked up where they left off. I sit there for about five minutes, replaying each voice mail in my head. What kind of news did she get? Was it cancer? She was smiling. "I just got some incredible news, Mulder. Come home, Mulder. I need to see you."

I clear my throat. "Hey, guys? Sorry, uh…you said she left those the day I was taken?"

"Yes," says Byers.

"And she went to the hospital that day? She was pregnant when I left here…" Realization washes over me in waves.

They smile amongst themselves. "About time he gets it through his thick skull." I hear Langly mumble.

"Shut up, you!" says Frohike.

I stand up. "I gotta go…yeah. I gotta go." I'm walking for the door, my head feels like a balloon that could float away at any moment. "Oh, guys. Thanks for…everything." I smile softly, look at each of them and open the door to leave.

"Go get her, you lucky bastard!" Frohike says as I close the door behind me and I laugh, pulling out my cell phone. I can't drive now, four plus beers after months without a drop to drink. I call for cab and tell the dispatcher to tell the driver I'll pay…30 extra dollars, I say after I look in my wallet, if he can get here in the next five minutes.

He makes it in four and I hop in the back, giving him Scully's address. I pull everything out of my wallet and shove my hand through the little window. "This is all yours if you book it."

He makes it there in record time. I drop the wad of cash on the front seat and get out, run up the stairs and am glad someone is exiting the building, I want to surprise her and I don't have my key to her building anymore. I run over to her door and knock rapidly, then lean forward with a hand on either side of the door, panting. I'm still not back in shape. I haven't even started working out yet, haven't found the motivation. I must be ducking below the peep hole because she cautiously asks, "who is it?"

"Open the door, Scully." I straighten up a little as she opens it but I'm still leaning on the door jambs. I look at her face, my eyes search hers, and I know what I knew before: that no matter what, she has my back.

I watch her recognize the old me and she exhales sharply. "Oh, Mulder!" She rushes forward and puts her arms around me, standing up on her toes. I bend down awkwardly, not used to hugging her with her with a baby between us. My arms hold her close, our chins each resting on the others' shoulder. "Mulder…" she begins to cry and I rock her side to side. I'm finally, finally home.

"I'm sorry, Scully." I rasp out past the lump in my throat. "I've been an ass."

"I was so worried, Mulder." She's crying and she pulls back to rest her forehead on mine, her hands going to the sides of my face. "I thought you'd lost…something. I thought my Mulder wasn't in there."

I nod, knowing what she means. I feel like the biggest jerk on the planet, maybe even in this solar system. I get down on my knees, right there in her doorway. I wrap my arms around her legs and hug her still, burying my face against the side of her stomach. I'm ready to beg her forgiveness.

But she's not that kind of woman. She looks down, strokes my hair for a few moments and then pushes my head back to look down at my face. She runs her fingers all over it, she's still crying. Her fingers brush over the little dots on my cheeks. Finally one of my hands move to her stomach, my eyes on hers. I'm nervous, unsure where to put it.

She takes my hand and pulls me up onto my feet. She leads me all the way inside and closes the door. We walk to the couch and sit down. She sits on one end of the couch and has me sit next to her. She takes my hand and places it on her lower belly, palm up. I swallow nervously, tentatively let my fingers, then my whole hand rest against the fabric of her pajamas.

"I don't know if you knew this," I say, looking down at her stomach for now. "But the Gunmen were monitoring my voice mail until my phone was disconnected, Scully."

"Ok…?" she states.

"I got your messages."

"Oh…"

"When I woke up…I didn't know."

She nods and kisses my temple.

"How, Scully?"

"I don't know. I still don't know. But, um…In the ER that morning, the ultrasound technician told me that I was 6-7 weeks and Mulder…" she takes a deep breath and looks at me. "You and I…you came back from England seven weeks before you were taken."

"England?" 'What's that got to do with anything?' I think….'Oh…shit…' "Scully, you're not saying..." I don't know what I had actually thought on the way over here, knowing she was pregnant when I left, and also knowing that the in-vitro hadn't taken…but I hadn't taken it this far, at least not consciously.

"It's the only explanation I have to give. Barring that…something was done to me. But I have no time loss, no recollection of anything out of the ordinary. I like to think that this happened um, naturally…of course. But there is no true explanation."

"Wow…" I sigh and look over her shoulder, stunned.

She sits, still and quiet, letting me think.

After several minutes of me just staring at the wall, she gets uncomfortable and clears her throat. "Mulder, I want you to know that I'm not asking anything of you. You've been through so much. It's why I hadn't told you yet. I don't know what you thought, but you obviously didn't know. I didn't know if you were ever coming back to me. First physically, and then…I thought you were…you weren't my Mulder. I have been prepared to do what I have to do for a while and if you need time, or…"

"Shut up, Scully". I lean in and kiss her. I take her face between my hands, pushing her hair back away from her face. She sighs against my lips and half sobs, half laughs. She is happy. I turn more towards her on the couch and move a hand to her neck, kissing her sweetly. My lips smile against hers and I sigh. "I thought of you often…during the…" my breath catches in my throat. "Scully…" I'm shaking now and she hugs me to her, turning into me as much as she can in her condition. I hadn't meant to darken this moment. I had only been trying to tell her that I missed her, but the memories were too fresh, and I had in fact thought of her quite often. When I was able to 'sleep,' she was all I dreamt about. When I was awake and experiencing something particularly traumatic, I thought of her cool hands on my forehead soothing away my pain and her eyes keeping me from going out of my mind. "I remember everything."

"Oh, Mulder." She's rocking me now, her hand on the back of my neck. I bury my face into her neck and breathe her in.

I share my burden with her, we are truly together again. She rocks me some more and I manage to not lose it. She takes her hand in mine and we sit like that for a while, holding each other. Eventually, she shifts uncomfortably and I back off.

"I'm sorry."

She laughs softly, she's so radiant and I stare. "Stop looking at me like that, Mulder." She smiles," I'm big as a house and it's just hard to move around."

"You're beautiful," I say. "Can we go lay down?" I ask, unsure if she still wants me in her bed. Not that I could…be with her…it would not be right. Her like that and me with my…flashbacks.

"I'd love that," she nods and I am relieved. I stand and take her hand. Her other moves to the arm rest to hoist herself up and she suddenly yanks her hand from mine and falls back onto the couch, grabbing her stomach. "Mmm!" She looks in pain and I panic.

"Scully what's wrong?" I freeze.

She has to catch her breath a moment, then she smiles up at me. She looks ecstatic. "Come here," she says and takes my hand. I let her guide my hand to her stomach, confused. She flattens her hand over mine and I feel something under her shirt wiggle around, then push out into my hand.

"Scully…" My eyes sting, and I look at her.

"That's the baby, Mulder."

"Wow…" I look at her in wonder as I feel a swift kick to my hand again. "It doesn't hurt?" I sit next to her again.

"Sometimes. " She leans in and brushes her lips against mine. "I love you, Fox Mulder."

"Don't call me Fox." I hug her. She laughs and it's the best thing I've heard all week. "I love you, too. Now let's get you to bed."

She nods and lets me pull her up, and we walk to the bedroom. When we get there, she looks at me for permission before she unbuttons my jeans. I see no desire in her eyes, so I nod. We climb into bed, she in her pajamas and I in my t-shirt and boxers. I curl up behind her and nuzzle her shoulder, my hand on her hip. I kiss her shoulder through the fabric of her shirt. "I missed this," I whisper. She moves her hand to mine and pushes it over to rest on her stomach. I have one elbow propped up above us and I reach my hand down to her face, pulling her hair back from it before letting my fingers run through it. She's grown it out some, and I'm an ass for just noticing. Finally I lower myself down enough to kiss her temple, then settle back in on the pillows behind her and close my eyes and sleep.

I am back. My hips immobilized, my arms screwed in, my cheeks screaming in pain and they are stretching them out even further. I think they will rip them right off soon. It was a dream. Scully is not pregnant, happy and beautiful. I hear the saw and the drill start up. NO! Not both at once! Every machine is going and there's at least 30 of them standing there, watching me as the laser flicks on. Tears run out of my eyes and into my ears. Blood from my chest is spattering everywhere. Now there is a new machine. It is going for my head, like it is going to cut off the top of my skull. They want to test my brain now. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO! SCULLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY!" I feel hands on my chest and am somehow able to move my arms suddenly. I grab the person's wrists and my eyes fly open.

"Mulder," she says and my eyes fall on her face. Then I'm looking around the room wildly, looking for those sick sons of bitches before my eyes fly back to hers, I am crazy. I finally come to when I see the look of pain on her face and the tears in her eyes.

"Oh…Christ Scully." I finally loosen the vice grip I have on her wrists. I am panting and I cover my eyes with the crook of my elbow. I'm on my back and I'm completely overwhelmed, in a cold sweat.

"Mulder…breathe." I can't look at her. She moves a hand over my hair, trying to comfort me.

"I thought it was a dream, Scully. All of this." How sick was that? I dreamt of her while I was there, and now that I'm with her, I dream I am back there.

"You're home, Mulder." She tries to reassure me.

It takes me a good five minutes to regain composure. Then I reach my hand up to her shoulder, trying to pull her down to me, to lay against me. She hesitates and I am confused for a moment. I forgot about the baby. She does the best she can, somehow lays her head on my shoulder, letting me hold her. I hug her tightly. "Thank you, Scully."

She nods, and then sniffles against my shirt. She is crying. "I had no idea, Mulder. That you would remember. I'm so sorry…I would have stayed with you."

I swallow past the lump in my throat. "I wouldn't have let you. They almost took my trust away, Scully. I even doubted you. How could I doubt you?" My hand is on her face, the backs of my fingers stroking her cheek.

"Shh…Mulder. Go back to sleep." She's stroking my shoulder.

I nod and eventually feel my eyelids get heavy again. Just as I'm about to fall back into a deep sleep she stirs and turns over, groaning in pain. She grabs an extra pillow she has nearby and places it between her knees. I know she's in pain from lying like she did, holding me for so long. "Thank you, Scully" I say again.

"Mm-hmm."

I turn to her and wrap around her again, bury my nose into her hair and fall asleep.

xxxxx

For the next few weeks, Scully and I fall into a routine. We swap apartment keys again and my scars are nearly gone on my face, only visible in bright light. We don't stay together every night, but I would often knock on her door late. She would bring me inside and let me sleep with her. We are not physical beyond the occasional kiss. I would hold out on my need for her presence as long as I could. That first night, I had hurt her. I felt like a piece of shit when I saw the marks on her wrists. But often, I needed her and that outweighed my guilt.

I jog further and further every day, getting back into shape. We have long discussions about what happened while I was gone. We decide to keep up appearances. Though we weren't partners, she said, and though Skinner no doubt knew and half of the bureau believed we had become intimate: We needed to stay safe. If they somehow believed that Scully had used some random donor…maybe they wouldn't hold this over our heads.

Scully conveyed her fears to me that maybe this wasn't natural after all. I had learned of the women allegedly being implanted with alien embryos. She still worried that she had been implanted with something that wasn't hers. That somehow even that seemed more plausible than a miracle, a spontaneous healing. I tried to comfort her, but I shared her fears. Short of a miracle, there was no other explanation. Of course I didn't let on that I was afraid. She needed me to be strong, and so did whatever was growing inside her.

I fall into a routine at work. I am constantly on alert, looking for my way back into the X-Files office. I play the good boy, going by the book as Scully advises. I do my desk job. In public and at the office, we are simply friends that used to be partners. I meet her often for lunch, but we rarely socialize. Besides my late night visits, of course. Frequently she gets my opinions on cases, reporting back to Doggett and it takes all I have not to hop on a plane and track down what I know in my gut will be an X-File.

When we are alone, sometimes we take to playing a game. We interact as if we are in public, denying that there is anything between us. Practice makes perfect, I suppose.

I am so thankful for her support, and find myself at the storage unit where I have kept much of my mother's possessions. I find a doll that I know Scully will love, for some reason. I take it to the Gunmen. Byers can wrap a present like nobody's business.

I head to Scully's. When I knock on the door, she answers and stands there. She is surprised to see me before 10 PM. "Mulder!"

"What?"

"I was just about to jump in the shower, but I was waiting for the pizza man."

"You got something going on with the pizza man I should know about?" We begin our game, plausible denial and all. Nope, we never had a thing between us.

"The pizza man?" She smiles.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but you just said you were waiting for the pizza man to jump in the shower!" The shower's my place, I leer.

"What I mean was, the pizza man's usually late, and so…" We pass a look between us. Just fun and games, we know what we have. "You wanna come in?" Finally! I think, I've been waiting for her to turn around so I can make it in with my gift. She turns around and rolls her eyes. "I feel like I'm stuck in an episode of 'Mad About You.' "

"Ah…yeah, but small technicality! 'Mad About You' is about a married couple, and we just work together." I say as I close and lock the door, run over to the couch and hide my gift. The game continues.

"Yeah, well, you know what I'm talkin' about." She's got a tissue in hand, I hear the slight rasp in her voice. She's had a head cold and I'm worried about her. I had to see her tonight. She goes to her bathroom to turn off the spray on the shower.

"I do! I do…what I'm trying to say is, that uh…" I look at her as she returns from her bedroom, "we have no good reliable information on this man. I mean, what I am saying is," I raise my hand and point at her belly. "The pizza man is not above suspicion."

She looks at her stomach, she's never been good at this part of our game. "Ah, I see…" She looks back up at me again and I'm grinning, hinting at her to look at the couch. She looks and it catches her eye.

"Is that for me?!"

"Yeah." I smile and nod, who else would it be for?

"Nice package!" She says and picks it up.

"Thank you." She asks what the occasion is and I explain its significance, it's an old family keep sake. My grandmother had made it. "I wanted you to have it."

"Well, I'm touched." She smiles and there is a knock on the door. Terrible timing, this guy.

"Little Cesar, I presume?" She tries not to smile but I see the laughter in her eyes. I turn to answer the door. When I open it I see the goof ball standing there and put on my best 'Him?' face. I turn to her slowly.

"Hi. Just, uh…give it to the man with the funny look on his face." She rolls her eyes, playing our game and sits down on the couch with her present.

The guy gives me the total and I make some crack about gas on the pizza, reaching for my wallet. I hear her gasp and know immediately. Something's wrong.

The pizza guy calls 911 and soon we're on our way to the hospital. I get into the ambulance and the paramedics don't object, presuming I'm the father I'm sure. I rest my hand on her ankle, the only place I can reach as the EMT works on her, monitors her heart beat, checks for the baby's with his stethoscope.

"Are they gonna make it?"

"I can't tell you what's going on, sir. It's a complication beyond my abilities. We just have to get her to a doctor as soon as possible."

When I rush into the ER with them, the nurse is a real piece of work. "Who are you, the husband?" she asks.

"No."

"Then you wait outside."

'But I'm the father!' I almost blurt out, not realizing I had truly been thinking of myself in this way. My eyes fall on Agent Doggett coming up the hallway as they wheel Scully through the doors.

What the hell is he doing here? He says he was dropping something off at her apartment, he found out from her landlord. Why is he stopping by her apartment after work hours? I am not suspicious of her, but of him.

The nurse comes out and asks if he's the husband. "Me? No." Doggett says.

Right, as if…I roll my eyes, and my phone rings. Saved by the bell. It's an Agent named Monica Reyes. She tries to ask me for help on a case. It sounds like an X-File. I play the Bureau's good boy, I have other things to worry about besides. I tell her to call Agent Doggett and she tells me why she can't. The case involves Agent Doggett. "Call me when you get here." I agree to meet her.

Later I meet with Agent Reyes. She fills me in on the case. Her present case, and the case on Doggett's son. We begin working together, and I make a connection between a suspect in the Doggett case and a car accident in front of the office building where Agent Reyes' murder case took place.

Agent Doggett tells me to stay away, nearly kicking my ass in the process. I look through the X-Files, unable to dismiss Agent Reyes' hunch but find nothing. I find evidence that her visions are simply a tragic coincidence. She argues with me and I realize she reminds me of Samantha. I am hard on her, in that big brother way. She pushes my buttons and I am perplexed. I am dropping my involvement in this case, though. As much as I distrust Agent Doggett, I respect his request to stay out of his life.

It isn't long before they suck me back in, though. I go out in the field with them a little.

I go to visit Scully in the hospital. I open the door and poke my head in. "You awake?" I ask.

She stirs and smiles at me. "Yeah…"

I enter and ask her what happened to her. She tells me what happened and my chest tightens. "But you're gonna be fine?"

"Yeah," she says and looks down at her stomach.

I reach out my hand and rest it high on her stomach. I have done this several times in the past few weeks and am becoming comfortable with touching her. I smile with relief at the news that they'll be fine, and then look in wonder at my hand on her stomach. I still can't believe that we are here. For a moment we drop the act and we are like two, proud parents…scared, proud parents. I have decided at some point that no matter how Scully got pregnant, I would be a part of this baby's life if that's what she wished.

Finally we come back to the present. "Where have you been?"

I tell her I've been in the field. I mention the female agent from New Orleans, the one that reminds me of Samantha.

"Agent Reyes?" she asks. "I like her."

I have never known Scully to admit she liked another woman, let alone one as determined as Reyes. Maybe it was the drugs. Or maybe she is a good Agent. If she is, and she trusts Doggett, what does that say about Doggett's character?

I briefly fill Scully in on what the case pertains to, and she tells me not to give up on Agent Doggett, that he's worth the effort. I want to believe Scully, I always do.

Scully's eyelids get heavy, and I tuck some stray hair behind her ear. "Get some rest, no more shop talk for you." She nods and settles back into the bed, tucking her head down against her chest. I bend and kiss her forehead, and then her lips softly. "I'm glad you're ok, Scully. Both of you. I'm sorry I ran off on you."

"It's ok, Mulder. I'm glad you're helping out…on the X…files." She drifts off to sleep and I sit there for a while, holding her hand.

Later, Agent Doggett and I have a meaningful discussion, about evil and how it overcomes a person. I can see that he's at least trying to expand his horizons. I don't believe it is an act. Perhaps the fact that he lost a son pulls on my heartstrings, and I realize that I am empathizing with another father already. That night I read my case file, my own X-File for the first time. I learn of Doggett's actions in the man hunt for me and decide, on Scully's word that I might give the guy a chance.

Days later after Scully is home, I go to the pizza place near her apartment and order a pizza. I tell them to make it just like she ordered the other night. I knock and duck out of sight of the peep hole.

"Who is it?" she asks.

"Heyyy, uhhh did you order a pizza?" I say in my best nasally suave voice.

I hear her laughing as she unlocks the door. I appear in front of the door again, smiling. I am happy to see her at home. I strut inside with the pizza box and turn to look at her. "I know you didn't place an order, but I couldn't help getting this…" I raise my hand to my forehead and act like I'm trying to pull it from my third eye, talking like a real Romeo. "FEELING…that you wanted me to come by. Sooo, what do you say we get that shower now?"…I set the pizza box down and grab her by the back of her neck, kiss her passionately. She moans, parts her lips and licks at my upper lip. I had only meant it to be an act.

I respond and have to push her back, my physical need for her returning to me all at once, landing like a pile of bricks on my head. I laugh awkwardly and look her in the eyes, she feels it too…We are NOT doing THAT in her condition, fresh out of the hospital. "Jokes on me I guess." I smirk and back away from her, pick up the pizza and take it to her coffee table. I flip the box open and motion for her to sit down. I go for a couple plates and sit down with her. We joke about her and the other pizza guy. I give her the gift and love her reaction. I make a crack about it being the wrong doll and her laugh is beautiful. She tells me I've given her courage to believe and I am happy to have had such a profound influence on her life.

We smile at each other for a minute, then I finally dish out a couple slices of pizza. I face her on the couch and bring one leg up under me, holding the plate out in front of me. I can barely hold the pizza together for all the toppings on it as I raise it to my mouth. I take a bite and nearly spit it back out. "Spinach, Scully? Ugh…"

"It's everything, Mulder. I couldn't decide so I got everything," she laughs. She picks at it, obviously not having the same craving she had been having the other day.

I pick the spinach off of mine and we laugh at each other, for no reason at all.

"Stay with me tonight, Mulder."

My eyes jerk up and meet hers. The feeling I had a moment ago when I kissed her had taken me by surprise. I had forgotten what it felt like, the want for her. I had also somewhat forgotten what it felt like to be with her. I wanted her and we couldn't. I was still having flashbacks quite often. There is no way I could right now, and surely she was advised not to. "Scully…" I shake my head subtly.

She rests her hand on mine. "No funny business."

I search her eyes. "Ok," I agree. She goes to stand and I help her up. I let her know I need a shower. I go to the little space she has given me in one of her drawers. She also let me hang a few suits for work in her closet for those nights when I came over on a spur of the moment decision. I get out a fresh t-shirt and some boxers and head for the bathroom. She climbs into the bed to wait for me.

When I am done I reach for the towel and run it over my hair, I step out onto the mat and begin to dry my body, getting ready to put on my clothes. "Mulder! Are you through in there? I have to go!"

"One sec, Scully. I'm about to get dressed."

"NO! Mulder I have to go nowwwww."

"Ok…" I say and wrap the towel around my waist. I step into her bedroom and she rushes past me and slams the door. I stand there, arms folded over my chest. That was my last clean pair of clothes in her drawer, I have been busy with this case and didn't do laundry and remember to bring more over here. A minute later she opens the door, looking relieved. I give her a tight lipped smile, arms still folded over my chest and wait for her to come out of the bathroom. She doesn't and I catch her staring at my chest. The scars on my cheeks and arms healed incredibly fast, as the one on my chest is doing. But it was the deepest and a pink stripe still remains down my sternum.

"Mulder…" she whispers and reaches out, hesitantly.

I am unsure, but I let her run her fingers over it. Her eyes fill with tears. I unfold my arms and move my hands to her shoulders. She leans forward and runs her lips over my skin softly, as if she can kiss it away. I sigh and move a hand over her hair, this is the closest contact we've had since I've been home. She moves her arms around my back and flattens her hands against my skin. Between two kisses her lips brush innocently over my skin but my body reacts in a way far from innocence. I bury my fingers into her hair and pull her mouth away from my chest. I look down at her and I see her eyes darken, no doubt reacting to the darkness in my own eyes. I suck in a breath through my nose slowly, deeply, willing my body cut this out. "I can't do this…I'm sorry."

She nods. "I know…neither can I."

We back away, look at each other reluctantly. We are both still considering. Well maybe if we take it real easy…No. I will not risk that.

Without a word I go into the bathroom and change my clothes. I brush my teeth and then lean forward with my hands on the sink for a minute, staring at myself in the mirror. Having a conversation with myself in which I say I am not going to touch her in that way until she gives birth. I realize it will be much longer after that, but at least then it will be when she is ready. In this moment, she is ready but not able. That made it worse somehow.

I splash some cold water on my face before I head back out there. She is in bed waiting for me, in her usual position. I climb in slowly, carefully . I move my hand to her stomach, as has become custom, but don't move as close to her as I usually do. We lie there in our thoughts for a while, not speaking.

She turns over onto her back and turns towards me. I know before she reaches my neck to pull me down what she wants and my lips quickly find hers in the dark. We kiss like we did the first time we were together and my heart swells. I press my body up against hers, my tongue plunging into her mouth.

She whimpers and it nearly kills me. My hand runs up her side and gropes her breast through her pajamas. "Scully…" I whisper against her lips. "No…" But my hand presses into her breast, my thumb moves over her nipple.

"Yes…" she says and I kiss my way down her jaw, to her neck. I run my tongue over her pulse point and when she sighs it takes all I have, but I pull away.

"No." I say forcefully, to her and to myself.

She's breathing deeply, trying to regain composure. Finally she says "all right" and nods. She turns back over and gets back into her sleeping position.

I hesitantly move in behind her, very careful to keep my hips far away from her. I stroke her hair. I said the words that we didn't say every day. We had a silent understanding that those words weren't enough, but there was no other phrase that was any better and we fell back on it. "I love you."

She nods. "Love you…"

We are both awake for at least half an hour until we have calmed down enough to curl up properly and get some rest.

xxxxx

The next week I am scouring recent FBI cases and find a case that reminds me of the black oil case years ago. I send it to Agent Doggett. When he doesn't pursue it, I begin to do so myself. I get myself into a little bit of trouble but hey, at least it got Kersh's attention on the matter. He assigns Doggett to investigate. I try, God knows I try to do as Scully asked and play by the book for now. But I can't very well ask her to go with him as the only person on the X-Files that has any chance at getting to the bottom of it. I was starting to believe that Doggett was not exactly trying to ignore evidence and avoid X-Files. If he didn't care he wouldn't have studied every file and learned the details as thoroughly as he had. I had been impressed with that. I simply believed that he didn't have the capacity to expand his horizons wide enough to catch the things he should. Even Scully would not have been able to efficiently handle X-Files alone in the beginning. So I went to the oil rig…without telling Scully, or anyone for that matter.

Agent Doggett was not exactly happy to include me in the investigation, as if he had a choice. We were stranded without communication on the rig. But he wasn't too resistant to hear my opinions, I realized. I think he somewhat understood that he was up shit creek without a paddle when it came to these investigations. Though he constantly tried to mark his territory and let me know he was lead investigator. It was a typical cop thing, and while I didn't understand it I let him know I was on the same page. I only wanted the truth after all. It was a typical Mulder thing.

While we are on the rig, Doggett sees the black oil at work for himself. Evidence that he cannot deny. When we get back to D.C. and Kersh hears that I was out there, well…that's all she wrote. I trust Doggett now, to at least do what he THINKS is best for the X-Files and the legacy there even if it's not with the open mind I believe should be in that office. I'm not out completely. I'll keep an eye on him, it's all I know to do.

Later that night, I stop by Scully's apartment. After she lets me in and closes the door behind me I turn to her and rub my hands together. "Well, I'm out of a job…"

She sighs, crosses her arms and says, "So I heard."

"So, now you and I can carry on, move in together and I'll be the lousy live-in male babysitter while you go make all the money. Cause, you know, I won't be able to pay my rent now." I say, trying to keep a straight face.

She slowly begins to smile too. "Well, you and I will have to come to some sort of agreement on how you'll pay your room and board here. Babysitting won't be enough."

"I'm open to your suggestions."

She laughs, unable to keep up the game. I laugh too and I hug her. She hugs me back. "Oh, Mulder. What am I gonna do with you?"

I'm still smiling and I say softly, suggestively with my lips against her ear, "That's a good question, Scully. But really, I'll be really happy whatever you do to me."

"Mmm…Mulder, that's enough." She abruptly puts her hands on my shoulders and pushes me away from her.

Being out in the field with Doggett had had a positive effect on me. Actually working an X-File hands on—not just one like the 'evil' case before this, but one where I was completely on board—had been the last step in finding myself, I believed. I was finally ready to be with her. We'd have to wait several months of course, but delayed gratification was an old friend of ours.

I laugh and pull her back to me, going for her neck and nuzzling her, pleading my case. "But not only are we not partners anymore, Scully…I'm not even an FBI agent." She responds to my nuzzling a little more than I expected and I smile, nipping her with my teeth. She gasps.

"Jesus, Mulder! Would you stop?!" She grabs my shoulders and pushes me back again.

I freeze at her reaction. "Sorry…?"

She sighs, "No, I'm sorry. My hormones are a little out of control today and you look…" Her voice trails off and her eyes take me in, looking me over like I'm a piece of meat. I came straight to her place from work and I've still got my suit on, minus the jacket. My sleeves are rolled up and I have the knot of my tie pulled out away from my throat and the top button undone.

"I look what?" I put on my bedroom eyes and put my hands on my hips.

Slowly she meets me eyes again and her eyes darken with desire. "Damn it, Mulder!" She raises her thumbnail and starts biting on it, turning around and storming off.

I'm being an ass. I follow her to the couch and keep my distance. I sit on the opposite side of the couch from her and we watch the evening news. I do want her, badly and I do know that pregnant women typically have sex with no problems. But she's had a difficult pregnancy and I would never jeopardize her health, or the baby's. She's chewing on her thumbnail the whole time we watch TV. Trying to get comfortable, I innocently kick off my shoes and work out the knot of my tie, slide it off my neck. I rest it on the side of the couch and catch her looking at me with that look in her eyes again. These hormones really are doing a number on her. I smile and regretfully nod, realizing I better give her some space. I lean forward and grab my shoes, putting them back on. "I'm going to go to the store, and get some groceries. I'll cook you anything you want, or try to anyway. So what'll it be?"

"Really?"

"Don't act so surprised, Scully. You'll hurt my pride." I smile and let her know I'm kidding. "What do you want to eat? Pickles and ice cream? Or recently I heard of a woman who developed pica when she was pregnant. Should I go to the hardware store instead?"

She laughs. "Spaghetti and meatballs," she says longingly. "And bread…no, garlic bread! Mmm…" She puts her hand over her stomach and licks her lips.

"You and Italian food during this thing…you have any male Italian friends I should know about?"

She laughs again. "Cook whatever you like, Mulder. You can even get the frozen meatballs, I'll appreciate whatever you do."

I smile and kiss her cheek, only entering her space for a brief moment before leaving. "I'll be back."

I call the Gunmen's number. "Frohike! Just the short little man I needed."

"Mr. Mulder! See, I hear it's Mr. Mulder, not Agent Mulder."

"Have you guys been stalking me again?!"

"Ah, but of course. What are you gonna do now?"

"I honestly don't know. That's not important right now." I get in my car and close the door. "I gotta learn how to cook spaghetti and meatballs. Right now."

"What?"

"I got a pregnant woman who looks like she would kill for some spaghetti and meatballs."

He starts laughing, hard. I hear Langly yell, "What's so funny?"

"Mulder's gonna cook for Scully. Or try to anyway!"

"What?" Langly asks.

Frohike yells back. "Spaghetti and meatballs, can you believe it?!"

Langly picks up another phone. "Mulder, make sure you get Chef Boyardee. That store brand stuff is terrible." They're laughing their asses off now.

"Come on, Frohike. Scully's waitin'."

"All right, you got a pen?" He gives me a list of ingredients, then asks if he can email me the instructions on cooking it. I throw the list on the passenger seat and thank him before heading for the store. "Mulder, come over soon and we'll see about hacking your name into the unemployment benefits database. Or you could join us. We've often wondered about a fourth."

"Frohike, I got other meatballs to worry about right now than you three," I quip and hang up after thanking him again.

When I get back to Scully's apartment, she's asleep on the couch with a blanket over her. I turn down the TV for her before I go to the computer and print out my instructions.

I make the sauce, then I make the meatballs from scratch and am pretty pleased with my work. Now I have nothing to do for a while, while the sauce simmers. I look through her books and settle on something. I hop up on her counter, next to the stove and camp out there, 'stirring occasionally.' I take a little spoonful after a while and try it, surprised by how good it is. It wasn't too difficult either. The recipe had called for fresh garlic but Frohike said since it was so late already I could cheat and use the stuff out of the jar. If Scully was craving garlic, there wasn't enough in there so I find some garlic powder in her cabinet and add a little. Finally the timer goes off and I add the meatballs to the sauce. I waste a little more time before I put the garlic bread I had gotten in the oven and put some noodles on the stove. About five minutes before it's done I go and lean over the back of the couch, touch Scully's cheek with a finger.

She was in a deep sleep, she inhales deeply and looks around, trying to figure out what's going on. "Mulder…" she sits up, rubbing her eyes and stretching. "What….oh, my God." She says, smelling the air.

I smile proudly. "You ready?"

"Mmhmm! I'll be right back." She rushes off to the bathroom. I go drain the noodles, take out the toast and make two plates. I set them on the table, get a couple glasses of water then I'm waiting for her when she comes out.

She raises an eyebrow at me suspiciously and goes and looks in the kitchen. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"Oh, just looking for takeout containers."

I laugh and she squeezes my forearm before sitting next to me. "Ah, they're in the dumpster. I had to stash the evidence."

She smiles and picks up her fork. I take a sip of water, watching her as she takes a bite. "Wowwww, Mulder! Not bad…"

"Yeah…just a little something I've known how to do forever, you know? I can cook all kinds of stuff. No biggie." She gives me a skeptical look. "Come on, Scully. You won't believe anything."

She smiles, "I just know when you're lying."

"Fine…Frohike helped me." I smile.

She tries a meatball and looks happy. "You still cooked it Mulder, and it's soo good. Thank you." I smile more and brush some hair back off of her forehead, her hair's still going all directions from sleeping so deeply, before I begin to eat myself. She loves the garlic toast the most. "I'm surprised you haven't had to say anything about my breath during this pregnancy."

"Oh, your breath always stinks."

She raises an eyebrow and tries to keep a straight face. I wipe a little spot of sauce off her chin with my thumb and smile at her. After she's done, I take her plate and tell her to wait there. She says she can do the dishes but I make her wait. I put the plates in some soapy water and come back to her with a slice of cheesecake that had called my name when I was passing through the bakery for the garlic bread.

"Oh, no! Mulder!"

"Come on." I hand her a fork.

"No!" she's dying to say yes. "I already had chocolate at lunch. And a donut yesterday!" She might as well be saying she ate garbage straight out of the trash can.

"What is it they say? You're eating for two, now!"

I take the fork, take a bite of it myself, then put the fork back in her hand. "Mmm!" I say with enthusiasm and smile as she ducks her head down to rest her cheek on her fist and gives in, taking a forkful.

"I'm gonna wash the dishes." I say, still chewing.

"And as punishment, I'll let you!"

I'm in the kitchen, almost done washing the dishes when she storms in there. Plate in hand, she's shoving a bite of cheesecake toward my mouth so fast I don't even have time to say anything before she pops it in my mouth. "Get rid of it! I can't stop!" Scully actually whines. I'm laughing, she actually ate more than half of it. "It's not funny!" She shoves another bite into my mouth, rushing me, there's only one bite left now.

"Ead it, Frully," I say with my mouth full as I scrub on the pan I made the sauce in. She looks at it, pouts a little and does it, losing the battle. She punches my arm when I laugh. "Ow!" She glares and drops the plate in my soapy water. I grin and finish up washing the dishes. When I turn around I catch her looking at her reflection in the window from the side. She's trying to see how much weight she's gained. She doesn't hear me come up behind her and she jumps when I duck down to her ear and say, "Stop it." I rest my hands on her belly and nuzzle her shoulder.

"Mulder…" She regretfully pulls away.

I raise my hands. "Right…sorry. But honestly, Scully. You look really good."

"I've got to go for a walk tomorrow." I smirk, she'll never be convinced that she looks perfect. We go over to the couch and I let her rest her head on my lap. I want to be with her but don't want to push it in the bedroom. We watch a bit more TV before she begins to drift off. I stroke my fingers through the hair above her temple absentmindedly for a minute before she takes my hand and rests it on her upper arm, holding her hand on mine to keep it still. Around 3 in the morning, she's moving around, trying to get comfortable and I just pick her up and take her to the bedroom. I lay her down as gently as possible, kiss her forehead and leave her bedroom after getting her under the covers. I take off my slacks, stretch out on her couch and fall asleep thinking of the day she'll come to me again.

The next morning I am in uncharted territory. I don't even remember coming to her bed, I must have been sleepwalking. We are both completely naked, she has a pillow under her hips and my head is between her thighs. Her hand is pulling my hair, holding my mouth against her with her legs spread wide. I am pressing the tip of my tongue into a patch of skin between her clit and her opening, getting her warmed up. She twitches over and over and over when I hit a nerve or something in this area. I have been obsessing over this for a pathetic amount of time, my oral fixation dying to quell it's curiosity. My thumb moves around her clit, bringing her close, but not giving enough pressure or speed to send her over. She pushes my head lower and I explore her opening, moaning against her. When my tongue simply isn't enough anymore, I take her clit into my mouth and insert a finger, then two inside. I pull her right to the edge of an orgasm then pull away my mouth, needing to catch my breath. I wiggle my fingers hard against her g-spot and bite the inside of her thigh and she is coming.

"Mulder." She touches my cheek and I inhale sharply, rising up to my elbows on the couch. "Good morn—" she's smiling until she sees the look in my eyes. She's leaning over me. It takes all I have not to pull her down onto the couch and take her right now. I now realize she wasn't pregnant in my dream.

I stare at her, try to catch my breath and my self control. I've stripped down to my undershirt and my boxers, the little blanket from the back of her couch is laying over my thighs, I've kicked it down some in my dreaming. She chances a glance down to my hard on and when she looks back at me with desire I can't take it. I quickly move her aside and go to the bathroom. I stand there with my hands on her sink yet again, staring at myself in the mirror and telling myself to stop this. Then I swear I can taste her again and I turn on the shower on the coldest setting, strip down and get inside. When that doesn't do it, I give in and take care of the problem in the best way I know how—in our situation anyway. I bite my lip and try to be as quiet as possible.

Twenty minutes later I exit her bathroom, put on some jeans and a sweater before she has a chance to see me in my towel. I'm feeling better, I just came so hard I should be all right for the rest of the year. After I'm dressed I return to the bathroom and brush my teeth, shave and comb my hair. When I walk out, she's cooking breakfast. I sit at her table and watch her, smiling. She catches my eye and blushes. It's totally endearing and I'm simply smitten with her, able to think about other things now that I've cleared my head. Er, so to speak.

She sets down a cup of coffee in front of me and I pull her down for a brief kiss before she returns to finish cooking breakfast. I look at the paper for a moment before she brings the simple breakfast: toast, eggs and lean ham to the table. We begin to eat in silence.

Finally as I'm cutting into my slice of ham I crack a joke about this pig not having any fat on him. She laughs. "So what's up?" I ask.

She looks relieved that I'm ignoring what just happened on the couch. "I have a doctor's appointment later this afternoon, after lunch. I was wondering if you'd like to go walk in the park with me beforehand. I need some exercise."

"Sure, I'm out of a job, after all. You can buy me lunch before you go to the doctor, too. This breakfast is not filling." I'm laughing.

She giggles and takes the paper from next to me and whacks my arm before going to read it herself. "Shut up, Mulder."

We are silent until she finishes breakfast. She goes for her own shower and we head out. An hour later we are in the park, walking. She's got a light jacket on, walking with her hands in her pockets. We walk in silence for a while until she needs a break. We sit on a bench and I look at her for a while. She doesn't notice. Finally I ask, "What's on your mind, Scully?"

She looks back at me, looking me in the eyes and finding that 'nothing' will not be a sufficient answer. "Mulder…I…" she sighs and looks tired all of a sudden. I put my arm around her, move in closer and kiss the side of her head protectively. My eyes scan the park above her head out of habit, more than anything. I give her shoulder a squeeze before I move back again, enough to see her face. She sighs and tears fill her eyes. "I just can't help but wonder how this is all too good to be true."

I nod, understanding, waiting for her to go on.

She clears her throat. "As an investigator on the X-Files, I want to get to the bottom of this." She rests a hand high on her stomach, asking with her eyes if I understand. "But personally, I'm afraid."

"Hey…" I rest my hand on hers. "You don't owe it to anyone to find out how this happened. This is your personal life. I told you how I felt before I was taken…THIS is what you deserve. If you feel you owe it to me to find out for the sake of the investigation, Sc—"

"Mulder, you don't understand what I'm saying. Well, it has crossed my mind that we should investigate it in case it's not…in case there was another party involved. If it happened to me it could happen to someone else. But that's not the only thing I'm afraid of."

My eyes search hers, confused about what else she could be thinking. "What if it's…? What if we didn't…?"

I lean in, looking deeper into her eyes, still trying to figure it out. "What about it?"

A tear spills down her cheek and she wipes it away quickly. "Where would that leave us, Mulder? I don't know what you're assuming about this baby but as I've told you before, it's quite possibly too good to be true that this happened naturally. I need to know how much of a question that is to you, will be to you in the future. Not in the name of the X-Files. To YOU and ME. If this will always be some kind of question in the back of your mind, I need to know right now. There are tests..and ways to find out."

"Scully, you think this is an issue to me?" She raises a hand in question, she doesn't get it. "I'm along for the ride as long as you'll have me. The choice is yours and if we don't find what you—what WE would like to find if you were to do a test, I'm still along for the ride." I look down at her belly to prove my whole point, rest my hand on it. "Maybe I'm tired of running." I sigh and stroke my jaw, looking away. "Maybe I was taken to make me that way, I don't know. I still want answers but what good would they be if I have no one to find answers for." I sigh and run a hand distractedly through my hair, looking at the monument in the distance, thinking out loud. "Maybe it's coming time to pass the torch, you know? I never consciously planned on being on the X-Files until retirement…there was a time I probably would have...not that I have any choice in the matter now. I could still search…but do I want to?" I shrug and look back to her, unsure where I was going with that. I couldn't even answer my own questions at the moment.

"Do you really mean that?"

I smirk. "Which part?" Then I shake my head, and lean in to kiss her forehead. "I don't know just now, but you don't need to be worrying about anything, Scully. It can't be good for you or the baby. I think what you are asking me is if I will be here no matter what. And the answer is 'yes, I will be here no matter what.' If you want answers, we'll try to get your answers. But personally I don't care if you got pregnant by Eddie Van Blundht posing as me, and that baby comes out with a tail." I say while laughing, and she laughs too, crying a little now. "Just don't tell me he was better in bed than I was and we'll be ok." We both laugh again and I pull her to stand up with me, hugging her close.

We walk for a while longer, her holding onto my arm as we do. Finally when we get back to the car, I open the door for her. She turns to look at me before getting in. "I think I'd like some answers, Mulder. If we owe answers to anyone, it will be to this baby."

I nod. "I understand…we'll look for your answers then, Scully." I kiss her forehead and get her into the car. When I get in she turns to me and clears her throat. "Would you like to come to the doctor with me?"

"Actually…yes." I take her hand and smile at her.

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AUTHORS NOTES: The reference to Shiner Bock beer, that's what M&S were actually drinking at the end of Je Souhaite. It's made at a little microbrewery in Shiner, TX about 3 hours from here. Was so surprised to see it on my favorite show! If you're still reading, thank you! I'm pretty sure this one paled in comparison to parts 1 and 2 but meh…their relationship wasn't too inspiring. Part 4 is in progress, probably for a couple of weeks.


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

RATING: R...if that, even…sorry yall! The only part with no hanky panky.

CATEGORIES: Story-Scully POV

KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully relationship

SPOILERS: MAJOR spoilers for Essence/Existence, Nothing Important Happened Today 1 & 2\. Some of the conversations here are ripped straight from these episodes and a re-watch or at least a read-up on the summaries is recommended if you are rusty. Minor spoilers for others.

DISCLAIMER: Do I really have to say it? I don't own any characters in this story. I only own the action figures, and they don't do anything this cool.

SUMMARY: A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

DEDICATION: This part goes out to handful of people that have responded to this story. THANK YOU! Sorry this part took so long but I was seriously stumped with what I was going to do with Scully asking Mulder to leave. This part was emotionally draining to write and I'm not nearly as proud of it as the 1st. But thank you for reading, wherever you are.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first serious attempt at fanfiction. Feedback is begged for! But please be gentle! All out flames may be printed out, lit up and fed to that demon baby from "Terms of Endearment." Please forgive me for any discrepancies in the timeline, I admire those who can keep track better than I can. Thanks to my friends Heather and Melissa for feedback. You give me courage to post these stories!

* * *

 

Mulder is at the doctor with me for the first time in my pregnancy. I'm reading a magazine in the waiting room, but I keep stealing glances at him. Often he notices when I do this but this time his eyes are darting around taking in other pregnant women, the maternity magazines on the tables. Then he's watching a dark-haired little girl about three years old play at the table with some blocks in the corner. He's stroking his lips absentmindedly, then she looks at him and he smiles. It breaks my heart and makes me want to sing at the same time, it's so tender. Then the little girl looks at me, walks right over and puts her hand on my belly. "You're bigger than my Mama!"

A woman who's just starting to show is standing at the window, writing a check. She hears her little girl and turns around. "Samantha!" She looks at me, "I'm so sorry, ma'am."

The little girl and her mother look at me questioningly, because I snap my head to Mulder. He smiles a little more, and looks at the little girl. "It's ok…" He ducks his head down a little to meet the girl's eyes. "So what are you hoping for? A little brother, or a little sister?" Mulder somehow talks to children in a way that keeps them interested, but doesn't use that high pitched voice that adults usually employ.

"A thister! I have a brother already.." she takes a deep breath and rolls her eyes, "THOO MEAN!"

The woman looks at me apologetically again and I nod, saying it's ok and let her finish writing her check. We'll keep an eye on her daughter.

"Well, you know…the meaner he is, the more he loves you."

"THAT doesn't make ANY THENTHE!" She's adorable, holding out her hands in her disbelief.

"Us boys, we just don't know how to say it sometimes. But it's true." Mulder smiles at her skeptical look and finally looks up at me. I've got tears in my eyes and he takes my hand. "Like her…I didn't say it for SIX years."

"THIX? WOW…" She looks up at the ceiling, thinking. "I'm thith many." She holds up three fingers.

"Six is this many." Mulder holds up six fingers. "So how many more do you have?"

Samantha touches the tip of one of Mulder's fingers with her own, then the next, in deep concentration. Finally she giggles. "I don't knowwwww."

Mulder laughs, touches her nose then tugs on one of her pigtails gently. "Just wait a while. He loves you! You can tell him I said that when you get home. Now go, run to Mama." The little girl's mom is by the door, holding out her hand. She smiles and says thank you and good luck.

We nod, tell her the same and I sit there looking at him. He's watching them go and I'm struggling to contain myself. "Mulder…" he finally looks at me, and a tear runs down my cheek. He smiles, hugs me and kisses my temple.

We finally get called back and I have him turn around while I change into the gown. "Scully, it's not like I haven't seen you before." He leers over his shoulder while I change.

I smirk, "right, Mulder but you seem to have a little trouble keeping your hands to yourself."

"Oh, right, it's just me." He deadpans. I tell him I'm done and he helps me up onto the table. He sits next to it, quietly looking around and I read my magazine. I smile at him, looking at all the diagrams of babies in the womb. "See anything you like, Mulder?"

"OH…" he clears his throat. "Yeah, I'm wondering why teenage boys don't hang THIS on their walls."

I laugh. He's nervous. Well I thought he was nervous; when the doctor comes in, he surely is. She smiles at me, then at Mulder. "Hi! So nice to meet you! I didn't know that you'd be coming today! Are you excited?" I look at Mulder apologetically. She's quite bubbly.

He clears his throat, mumbles something and shakes her hand. She's still smiling. "Don't be shy! I'm glad you're here! How are you feeling Dana?" I should have warned Mulder, I laugh to myself. But her personality is one of the reasons I trust her so. If she was on the same track as Dr. Parenti, she deserved an Oscar.

"I'm fine."

"I'm guessing you're still working…?" She's putting on a pair of gloves.

"Yes…Not in the field, you know that. But yes."

"Dana…"

I sigh, she's right. "With your recent complications, I'm going to STRONGLY advise that you stop working. Like, yesterday. You need AS LITTLE stress as possible!" The doctor can be overwhelmingly bubbly, but she is very stern at the moment. She looks at Mulder, Mulder looks at me and I sigh.

"Well, that's that, then." No way he'd let me work, now. Great.

"Did you begin your birthing classes?" she asks.

"Well…no." I clear my throat.

"Dana!"

"All right!" I sigh and look at Mulder like 'save me!' but he just looks concerned. 'Aw, hell!' I think.

"This week, Dana. I'm serious!"

"Fine." I say and she finally smiles again.

"All right! Now let's take a look at your baby…Does he know the sex?"

"No," I smile at Mulder.

She asks him, "Would you like to know?"

"I don't want anyone to know." I say.

"Oh! All right, well let's take a look."

I lean back, looking at Mulder as I lift the gown up. He hasn't seen my bare stomach yet, and he's staring just a little too intensely, curious at how big it's gotten. I grab the sleeve on his sweater and make him look at me. "Sorry," he smirks and takes my hand.

The doctor puts the jelly on my skin and I jump, gets me every time! Now I watch Mulder, watching the screen as she places the probe on me. Wonder immediately washes over his face as he sees an image, hears a heartbeat. The baby Is so big now, there's no need to explain what's what. Arms, legs, fingers: he can see them all. He's gripping my hand, he swallows hard. I had shown him the pictures of previous ultrasounds, they were on my fridge, actually. But this is a completely different experience for him. The doctor finishes up and we have a conversation that Mulder has checked out of. Finally the doctor leaves and he pulls me close before I can say anything, hugging me tight. "You deserve this, Scully. However it happened." He pulls back and kisses my forehead. "You deserve this more than anything."

That night, much of the sexual tension between us has dissolved. My hormones have calmed down, and whatever he did in the shower this morning worked for Mulder, for now. We eat the little bit of leftover spaghetti in front of the TV and he rubs my back. I had no idea how much I needed that. I am completely relaxed, the equivalent of drinking two glasses of wine…before my pregnancy of course. We play a couple of rounds of Yahtzee before bed, and I have fun. We each win a game. He falls right to sleep behind me that night, but I am up for at least an hour.

Tomorrow I will have to go in, report that I am taking my maternity leave. I realize that Doggett will not have a partner. Not that I have been able to go on assignment in the field for a while, but I was still at work. This felt like I was walking away from it all. I am able to get a few hours sleep, but wake up early. I go to the computer and sign online, looking for information on the birthing classes my doctor was insisting on. Mulder comes up behind me and puts an arm around my neck, kisses the top of my head.

"What are you doing up so early, ma'am?"

"Just looking into these classes." He rests his chin on the top of my head. "Go back to bed…it's not like you have a job to get to this morning." I quip. I hold no resentment toward him, he had done right in my eyes. He went with Agent Doggett to investigate that black oil case, knowing that Doggett didn't know what was right in front of him. Doggett reading about it was one thing, but he truly had no idea of the dangers. If Doggett had gone in blind, he could have gotten himself killed on that rig. Mulder also took the blame for what happened out there. Blame had to be assigned somewhere, the Bureau's well known rule when it came down to anything high profile. Mulder took the fall. Maybe he truly was tired of fighting. He had bowed out so gracefully. Momentarily my heart ached for Mulder and I turned my head to raise up and kiss his cheek, then looked back at the computer screen. "Ah, hell…" I mumble.

"What is it?" He asks and rubs my shoulder a little.

"A few months ago my mother said she'd go to this class with me. She just left the day before yesterday. She, my brothers and their families are going to Disney Land." Mom hated leaving during my pregnancy but I told her to go have a good time, I would need her even more when I had the baby and she deserved a break.

"Oh…"

I sigh and lightly bite on my nail, a nervous habit, without biting it off.

"You can ask me, Scully…"

I turn and look at him, defeated. I think, 'Don't make me ask,' whining internally.

He laughs softly and kisses my forehead. "When and where?"

"We need to leave here at two this afternoon."

"I'll be here. I'm going to go by and see the Gunmen. They're supposed to hack me into the unemployment benefits system." I raise an eyebrow. "I'm kidding…I'm going to see what I can do about getting info on FBI cases through them. I gotta stay in the loop. Please understand, I can't just sit around, Scully. I've lost my resources, you're going on leave and…" he sighs. "I'd like to find some answers before you give birth."

I squeeze his hand, the one resting on my shoulder. "I understand."

He smiles and it warms my heart. He gives me a slow kiss, his hand going to rest on my neck, but pulls away just before both of us feel our desire is about to make an appearance.

"I've got to get ready," I say.

"For what? You ARE taking your leave." More a statement than a question.

"Yes, Mulder. It's ok. I just want to tell Skinner and Agent Doggett personally. Is that ok with you?" I ask, smirking a little.

He is relieved. "I suppose."

He lets me get ready, then we are quietly sitting at the table drinking coffee before I go. There goes my daily allotment of caffeine for the whole day, I sigh.

"What's on your mind?" He asks. Last time I had looked at him he had been deep in his own thoughts. I hadn't noticed him watching me now.

My mind goes to the thing I've been worrying over quite a bit. I'm actually more nervous about it now, I realize, with Mulder out of the Bureau and no chance of working his way back into the basement. I look at him. "I'm just…thinking about what my plans are. After the baby is born."

"And…what have you come up with?"

"I'm not sure." I sip my coffee slowly, enjoying every little sip.

He senses my uncertainty, "Yes you are…" he coaxes and I meet his eyes. He's right.

I nod and know I have to say it to him. "Mulder, being out in the field is dangerous." My hand goes to rest on my belly, thinking of what I'll be leaving behind every time I put on a gun and go chase aliens, monsters and mutants (oh, my). "And it's risky…and when you're not a parent, it's a risk you're willing to take. So there's that side of it. But...on the other hand, you have no chance of getting back on the X-Files. Agent Doggett still isn't ready, though." I smirk. "If he will ever be ready."

"Scully," he rests a hand on mine. "If you don't want to go back to work there, don't go back to work there. This is your life now, it should have been a long time ago. I do agree, that life is too dangerous for a mother." I sigh in relief. I don't know what I was nervous about. Of course, Mulder would never expect me to get back in there after my leave, even if it meant leaving Doggett alone with his life's work. I smile softly at Mulder, finding comfort for a moment.

"I gotta go," I say and squeeze his hand. He stands and takes my mug.

"I'll let myself out, if you don't mind. I'm going to get a shower before I go meet up with the guys." He sets our mugs on the kitchen counter. "I'll get these." He says, meaning he'll wash them, then he goes to the door with me. It all feels very…domestic. He gives me a kiss and a brief hug before I go, saying he'll meet me back here at 2.

A couple hours later, after officially reporting to Skinner that I was taking my leave, and informing him that I would most likely be asking for reassignment upon my return, I am down in the basement. I stare at the office for at least 20 minutes. Mulder's pencils in the ceiling, the X-File cabinets, his old projector tucked into a corner, the poster on the wall…This was his world, but it had slowly become mine. Eight years, yet it seemed the blink of an eye looking back.

'Nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.' Oh, Mulder…I smile to myself and walk around the desk. I open the top drawer that had become 'mine' over the years and slowly start putting things into a little box. I find the Apollo 11 keychain and put that in my pocket. I have other plans for it. I find that mysterious object that had been left on my desk upstairs, when we had been out of the basement. The penny and dime joined together. Mulder had sworn he didn't leave it but I still wasn't sure. Queequeg's name tag. I remember so many of our cases while standing there. I remember being pushed to my limits and am so glad that I was able to join Mulder on this adventure. I would never have known my own strength and more importantly, I honestly believe I never would have found my faith again if not for this journey. Mulder and this odyssey had saved my life in a way I never would have known I needed saving if I had taken the other path. But I suppose it's like Mulder said in the park yesterday, maybe it was time to pass the torch. As if on cue, Agent Doggett arrives for work.

I explain to him that I will be taking my maternity leave, unable to give him the whole truth. I already feel like I'm ditching him and he's under the impression it will just be a couple of months. I give him the keychain, passing on the torch. I tell him I would not be here without him. Sure, I would have survived. I had a baby to live for. But without Mulder there, Agent Doggett became what I had become to Mulder: My credibility down in the X-Files office and I would not be walking out with my head held high if it had not been for him.

When I am walking out, Agent Doggett asks me if I will be coming back and I cannot answer his question. Even if I could not admit it to myself before today, I knew now that this life was too dangerous and with a baby it was not worth the risks anymore. It's too difficult to tell him then that no, I will not be coming back. Leaving that office was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.

Mulder shows up to my apartment on time to leave for the birthing class. He picks on me, putting a pillow up his sweater and going through the steps. Normally, lately, I would laugh with him. He was adorable after all but I have got so much on my mind from this morning.

Having Mulder at the birthing class, as awkward as it was, helped me get through the humiliation of it. His sarcasm helped lighten my mood. He whispered little jokes in my ear the whole time, drawing disapproving looks from the instructor. Perhaps once, I would have disapproved of his behavior myself, but being without him when he was taken had made me come to appreciate that I loved the way he was. He completed me and I just wanted to kiss him. I could not wait for the day we could connect again in that way we had so long ago, and not nearly enough times.

When we get home, Mulder comes in with me and we begin looking through my take out menus. I decide to give Agent Doggett a call and let him know that I will be here in any way he needs in an unofficial capacity. I still feel terrible for leaving him alone. When I can't get a hold of him I start making calls and discover that he's gone missing. This can't be happening. I sit down next to Mulder on the couch, stunned.

"What's wrong?"

I tell him of what I've just heard and immediately his jaw is clenched, he's rubbing his lips in thought. "You stay here, Scully. I'll see what I can do." He knows I can't just let it go, he's going to the Gunmen presumably to see what he can dig up. After I call Skinner I try to stay home, I really do. But I do a little digging of my own and find that there's a body that has yet to be autopsied. I sit there in front of my computer and chew on my fingernail. I've obviously picked up on one of Mulder's bad habits, seems like I always had to chew on something when I was nervous, now.

I try to tell myself to stay home, like my doctor asked. Mulder won't be happy…but this is an exception. Agent Doggett is missing and I have to help. I get ready and head off to do the autopsy. While I'm in the process of it, Mulder somehow tracks me down. Wandered away from a tour. Nice touch…soon they'll ban him from the building all together.

He is not happy. His calmness only shows how slightly pissed at me he is for ignoring doctor's orders. I had to do it, there was no one else qualified. But he tells me there is someone else. Of course, there is Agent Reyes. I sigh and reluctantly begin finishing up. Mulder is right…he takes me home, again. He gives me a hug by my door and I hold onto him tight. I breathe him in, drawing comfort from him when I can't stop worrying about Doggett.

"You're really upset, aren't you?"

"Yes…If Agent Doggett were sick, he'd still be out there looking for me."

"Scully, you're not sick."

"I know that, Mulder! But…"

"Fine…I'll go help look for him. Just…be careful, Scully. Please." He moves a hand to my belly. He knows I will most likely be going back in to work the following day to help in the best way I know how.

I nod and we kiss, sadly. We've been spending so much time together, I'll miss him. "You be careful too, Mulder."

Several days later, with Agent Doggett found and the case solved, Mulder picks me up at my apartment. He had called and asked if I'd like to ride with him to the hospital to check on Agent Harrison. In the hallway after an awkward moment, Doggett thought the baby was coming, Mulder offers to return the keychain to Doggett. I hadn't asked him to do that. I'm very proud, Mulder must be passing the torch indeed. Doggett is smart and understands the implications of it. He doesn't need a token to remind him of this. He asks us to pass the gift to Agent Harrison.

When we are speaking over her bed, we have a minor disagreement over spaceships in Antarctica and who saw what…I'm not even getting into it.

When we leave the hospital Mulder asks what I'd like to eat. I smile widely and he makes an a face, puts his hand on his stomach. "Oh, no Scully. Not pizza again."

I can't help showing my disappointment but I really should let him choose now and then. "Ok, what do you want, then?"

He smiles at me in that way that makes my heart flutter and laughs. "I'm kidding." We go have pizza…again.

xxxxx

The next several days go by with the two of us spending a lot of time together. We go for walks, he cooks for me a few more times. I'm getting too big to even move around at times and love having him around.

One day, Mulder sits me down on the couch and takes my hands. Something is up. I give him a minute. Then he sighs and turns away from me, going for the remote. He is about to back away, I reach my hand out to his chin and make him look at me. My eyes say that I know he has something to tell me, and now I won't let it go.

He exhales slowly and turns back to me, draping an arm over the back of the couch and folding a leg up under him. "I can't stay with you right now, Scully…"

I wait for him to continue, and when he doesn't, I ask, "What, tonight?"

He smirks, "No…well, yes, tonight. And for a while. The longer I stay with you two, the more I don't want to leave. I'm…" he's staring at my stomach, stroking his jaw absentmindedly. When he can't find his words, he becomes frustrated.

"Mulder, what are you saying?" I'm ashamed at the panicky tone in my voice.

He recognizes my distress and quickly grabs my hand, shaking his head, laughing despite himself. "Come on, Scully, I'm not bailing on you. Getting sucked into this…" he motions his free hand around the apartment, his eyes wandering off again, "world…it's nothing I ever dreamed I'd be able to settle in to." He laughs once more to himself, squeezing his bottom lip between his thumb and fingers in thought. "You've effectively reigned me in, Scully." His eyes finally meet mine again.

He's adorable, but I'm no closer to understand what he's saying. The question in my eyes explains that.

"I just don't know how to say this, Scully. I can't live this life and find the motivation to leave you and our son—" He pauses and smiles at the look on my face. "I knew it."

He had been testing me. "Mulder!" I hit his arm in disbelief.

He laughs, holding his arm where I hit him a little harder than I meant to, then leans in and kisses me tenderly. "I thought I saw something on the ultrasound, and I went with it," he says softly, our lips still close. We both smile and he kisses me again, a hand going up into my hair. We kiss for maybe twenty seconds, forgetting everything. But finally he sighs and rests his forehead on mine. "This is exactly what I'm talking about, Scully."

I only half understand his point. "Okay…?"

"I can't live like this and find the desire to leave you to find the answers you want. And I don't want to miss anything after…" He leans back and rests a hand on my stomach, looking in my eyes as it finally comes together. He nods at my understanding and we share a long look, saying more than words ever could. I have to let him go for a while if I want our answers. He asks me one more time with his eyes if that's what I really want and I nod. But he can't focus on 'work', staying with me every night like this. I nod again, completely understanding. It doesn't make it any easier though. Finally my eyes drift from his when they begin stinging despite my insistence that they don't. He leans into me again and kisses my cheek, taking my hand. "One more night…"

He pulls me into a hug and buries his nose in the crook of my neck and inhales. I know he is trying to commit this moment to memory. I am only filled with memories already come to pass. When he had held me and inhaled me in much the same way after his mother passed. How he had tried to bury his grief in something physical between us. For the first time since he's returned, I allow myself to think of that time—our last time in that hotel room. I yearn for that in this moment, but it goes beyond the physical. I missed him on so many more levels than I realized even existed. Following my body's lead without thinking, I am searching for his lips with mine.

He reaches for the back of my head and his fingers weave into my hair, stopping me with gentle force and shaking his head subtly. Our lips are an inch apart. "No, Scully," he whispers. I feel his breath on my lips.

"One more night," I whisper.

"No…Scully," his voice cracks when he says my name again and I know he is 'this close' to giving in. I sigh and back away, going for the remote. I cannot look at him. I settle in to watch the end of the evening news and still he watches me, tucks my hair behind my ear with one finger. I can't push him away for long and eventually when there is a commercial break I pull him close, letting him rest a head on my shoulder. He comes willingly and rests a hand on my belly. Our son immediately moves around, as if feeling Mulder's presence. I sigh and kiss the top of his head.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, Mulder is lying me down in our—in my bed. He climbs in and I drift back to sleep the instant Mulder takes off his pants and settles in behind me, kissing my shoulder and rubbing my back.

The next morning, I wake and he is gone. We go days without talking and I am thankful for my mom's distractions in preparing for my baby shower. The whole time I beg her not to do this to me, insisting that I don't even really know these women. She insists that she wants to feel included, and that it is more for her than for me. At night, I nearly call him several times, hanging up before I finish dialing the number. I honestly don't know how much space he needs, but if I'm going to ask him to leave me and search for answers, I need to respect his boundaries.

I have my baby shower—a mortifying experience with simply too much estrogen—where my mother not so subtly suggests a popular baby nurse for me. During these past few years, I've been keeping her at a distance. I feel quite guilty about it sometimes, but I love her. I had begun to let Melissa into my world, and I shudder to think of my mother meeting the same fate as a consequence of simply leaning on her as a daughter should.

xxxxx

Mulder had come to my apartment with Doggett, needing first aid after Billy Miles had supposedly given Mulder a good gash under his eyebrow with his bare hand. I had asked Mulder what he was doing in that facility, refusing to believe that I or my baby could have anything to do with the avenue Mulder was pursuing in his investigation. The next couple of days go by in a whirlwind of super soldiers, scheming baby nurses, theories about the origin of my pregnancy, Krycek emerging from the woodwork as he always does when things get really serious.

After careful planning, Monica and I are able to get away. It was too dangerous for me to have this baby anywhere in plain sight.

Again, time flies in a blur. After a scary birth that had me wanting to keep William inside forever, even as my body forced him out, following its own instincts…everything is fine. The people who had come to see him, take him, had left empty handed. I am exhausted and on my way to the hospital.

xxxxx

After giving birth to William, we were checked out at the nearest hospital. They let us go the next day, and we head back to D.C. My mother comes to visit for the day, and then the Gunmen.

Finally the person I've been waiting to see all day, Mulder. I tell him I'm going to name him William, after his father. Yes, it's also my father's name. But I'm telling Mulder that it's his family name I am using. We talk of the people who were going to take William, but didn't. We talk of my resonating fear, of why this child even came to be.

"I think what we feared were the possibilities, the truth we both know,"

"Which is what?" I ask, holding on to my fear, it's all I've had in Mulder's absence.

Mulder kisses me and fills my heart with hope, spiritual resuscitation. I know immediately it's one of the moments I will remember forever. One of those moments you know will be recalled on your deathbed. I pull he and William closer with my hands on his elbows, thinking of the truth we both know. Whether it was a divine hand or something else, there was most likely a third party involved in the creation of this perfect, normal child. But the truth we both know is that Mulder was a part of it. I can freely admit it to myself, now knowing that William is alive and healthy, that he is Mulder's son. And if for some sad reason he is not, William is still part of me, and I am part of Mulder. Therefore, here we are: this new, unconventional family. I smile and laugh against his lips, pulling back from the kiss as he rests his forehead against mine. "What?" He is smiling too.

"If I had walked into your office all those years ago and said this is where we'd be…"

He lets out a sharp laugh, "I'd have run for the hills, Scully." He laughs again softly and lifts his head to look down at our son, he's now sleeping.

We stand there another few moments, basking in this moment. Finally he hands William back to me and pulls me close to kiss my forehead. We haven't spent a night together since he told me he needed space to search for our answers. I lay William down and ask Mulder if he'd like anything to drink, if I can take his jacket.

He rubs his hands together, tensing up. I raise my eyebrow, curious. "I better head home tonight, Scully. In the chaos this week…I can't remember the last time I've fed my fish." He looks at William. I can see straight through him. Mulder is not used to family, and though he is not afraid, it will take time to fall into one.

I smile at him reassuringly and nod. He sighs, relieved that he has not made waves. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

He nods and kisses my forehead once more, telling me to call him if I need anything before I let him out.

I have a restless night, waking up several times. The times that I am not awakened by William in need of something, I am awakened with thoughts of Mulder. I suppress the urge to call him, but the want to have him close is unreal. I keep resting my hand on his side of the bed, wondering what is wrong with me and chalking it up to the changes going on in my body.

Finally, I figure around 6AM, William and I both fall into a solid sleep for several hours. I awake sometime around 11 and feel another presence in the room. I see Mulder standing over William's bed, but he doesn't hear me stir. Finally I sit up. "Mulder…" He doesn't look at me and I rub my eyes, wondering if I am dreaming, he is so still. I clear my throat and say his name one more time and he finally acknowledges me. When he looks at me, the sadness in his eyes stops me mid-yawn. "What's wrong?"

He nods his head to the door and starts to walk out. I tell him I'll be right there and after going to the bathroom I meet him in the kitchen, he is making coffee. I sit at the table and wait for him. When he turns to me and sets a mug in front of me I am shocked at his appearance. "Have you slept, Mulder?"

"No," he simply answers, pulling out a chair and sitting across from me. He sits there for a moment, staring at something behind me.

"What's going on?"

He sighs and buries his face in his hands, then ducks his head and runs his fingers through his hair. "I debated not even telling you this, Scully. I'm still debating it." He is still looking down at the table, his fingers in his hair. I reach across the table and tentatively touch one of his fingers, urging him to let me take his hand. He finally does and when he looks at me, I swear I feel my heart drop into my stomach.

He tells me of how, when he got home last night, Kersh had been waiting for him. "Kersh?" I asked. "What the hell did he want?"

He goes on to tell me of their conversation. After he tells me everything, he says that Kersh advised him to leave, that his life is in danger.

I won't believe it. "No, Mulder. No…Ok, think about it. Is there something you're not telling me? You're close to something. He's just trying to scare you off of something, he's running someone's errand." I'm rambling. "Just…just tell him you'll drop it, whatever it is. Like you've told me recently, Mulder. There are other concerns…Just…whatever it is, let it go." He's shaking his head. "Yes, Mulder! Please…our baby is fine, and I don't want answers anymore. Just…please, Doggett and Monica will follow up on whatever you've got, it's their job now. Don't do this to me, Mulder…"

"I'm not doing this, Scully." He's staring at the table. I can tell he is exhausted because he is blinking much more than normal. I told Kersh I was out, that I was done. That I would leave all matters be and he said they would never believe it. That's not exactly my track record, you know that." He looks at me pleadingly, trying to convince me, also. I do believe that he would drop it, I see in his eyes a man I've never seen. A father who would give up anything, his life's work to keep his son safe.

"Then…whatever, Mulder. What's the problem here? I see that you're willing to drop it, and as long as you stay out of it…"

"I see what you're saying. But there's one thing you have to consider. If they come for me, anyway and the two of you are here…You know what these super soldiers and the men involved in that program are capable of. They lack any concern for the well-being of innocents."

I suddenly understand. Even if Mulder does what I believe he can do, commits to a normal life and never again glimpses at anything concerning the X-files, it would only take one attempt on Mulder's life to endanger William. As if on cue, William begins fussing in the other room. I squeeze Mulder's hand and get up to get to William before he starts crying. After changing his diaper and feeding him a bit, I bring him back to the kitchen with me. Mulder looks even worse than when I left him. "You have to get some rest, Mulder." I imagine he hasn't even gotten a full night's sleep in several days. He shakes his head to resist so I lay William down in the bassinet in the living room. I come back to the kitchen and force Mulder to stand up. I lead him to my bedroom, begin removing his clothes. He's done resisting, he lets me undress him and climbs into bed. I sit next to him for a moment, my fingers running through the hair on his chest. When I feel his breathing go deep and even I leave him with a kiss on the cheek.

I go out to the living room and play with William for a bit, then lay him down to sleep some more. I sit on the couch and nervously chew on one of my nails, without biting it off. My new equivalent to Mulder's seeds. Should we just wait this out a while? If we did not have a son, that is no doubt what we would choose to do. But these people are extremely dangerous.

After a while, I still have come to no conclusion. Finally my phone rings, and I realize I have been sitting here for several hours. I pick it up quickly, hoping it won't disturb either Mulder or William. "Hello?"

"Scully." The voice on the other end sounds familiar, but he's got a cold or something and it takes me a moment to figure it out.

"Skinner?"

"Yeah, hey. I wanted to come see the baby, but I figured you'd kick my ass around the block, bringing this crap to your apartme-hold on…" He pulls the phone away from his ear long enough to let out a muffled sneeze. "Ok," he says as he brings the phone back to his ear.

"Yes, you're right." I say, distantly.

"Is everything okay?"

"Sure. Actually…no. Can Mulder and I come talk to you, sir? I realize you're sick, and I'm incredibly sorry but I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

"It doesn't have to be imp-ah…" another muffled sneeze. "Damn it. Yes, come over. I'll see you when you get here."

I get up and walk to my bedroom, sit on the edge of my bed. Mulder's awake, probably woke up when the phone rang. "Who was that?"

"Skinner. He's sick, wanted to apologize for not coming over yet. Will you go with me to see him?"

He looks concerned, "Is it…that thing again?" Mulder asks, referring to the blood infection from years ago.

I smirk, "No, Mulder. Just a cold, he didn't want to expose the baby. But I want to talk with him about our…situation."

"Sure…" He takes my hand and stares at it, looking more sad, but at least more rested than earlier. I kiss his hand and begin getting ready, asking Mulder to watch William while I shower. Next, Mulder showers, gets dressed and we are out.

After calling my mother and checking with her, we drop William off. I apologize several times, and say it will be no more than 2 hours. She has a million questions, but is respectful of my privacy as always, where Mulder is concerned anyway.

When we arrive at Skinner's, he opens the door and invites us in. He offers us something to drink and Mulder accepts a beer, saying he needs it. I take a bottle of water and Skinner pours the water he just boiled into a mug, dipping his tea bag into it as he sits down. I comment on how much better he sounds as he takes a sip of his hot tea. "Yeah, it's that Neti pot thing. It's disgusting. My ex-wife swore by it. I swore I'd never use it but nothing else was working." He still sounds sick, but much improved. I nod before Mulder and I share a glance. "What's going on?" Skinner asks.

I tell him of Mulder's conversation with Kersh. "So…we're unsure. Should Mulder and I wait it out, or should…should he leave…for a while?"

Mulder rubs his eyes with one hand, letting out a deep sigh. It's the first time either of us has mentioned it out loud, him leaving.

"Wow…" Skinner says. After a bout of coughing, where I back up in my chair unconsciously, he says, "Forgive me if I'm prying…but are you two…getting along okay?"

I smirk and it strikes me how much of a father figure Skinner is. I feel about as comfortable talking to him about my personal relationships as I did my own father, though he only means well. "Um…"

I look to Mulder for rescue and he takes my hand. "We're fine, that's not the issue here."

"All right…Well, I understand where your concern for your child's well being is paramount…" He trails off, looking at Mulder now. Mulder looks back at him and they share a long glance. Skinner finally looks at me and I can tell he wants to talk to Mulder alone. I nod and say I'm going for some fresh air, on the balcony. While I am outside, I watch Mulder talking to Skinner through the glass. My heart aches, but now that I have said the words, I know it's what I must ask Mulder to do: leave. I picture William's innocent face and cannot bear to have him in harm's way. I know with certainty that it is the only way.

After five minutes I watch the two of them stand, Mulder shakes hands with Skinner and I wonder if it's what Skinner's suggested. I walk back inside and thank Skinner, knowing I can talk to him later, that he will be around when I need him. Mulder and I walk down to the car. He opens my door for me, then goes around to the driver's side. As he's backing out of our parking space, I find a bottle of hand sanitizer in the console. I make Mulder use some and he chuckles softly. "Ok, Mommy…"

I smirk and use some myself, twice. "Better safe than sorry…" I look at Mulder sadly as he begins driving to my mother's, realizing my words could apply to our special situation.

"Skinner doesn't think I should leave you two," he says it so quietly, and I don't respond for so long that he begins tapping his fingers on the steering wheel before he asks if I heard him.

I sigh, "Mulder…"

"How can I protect you two if I'm not here, Scully?"

"Mulder," I say again. "This may be the hardest thing I've ever had to say to you." I give him a moment, he sits up a little more in his seat, using his elbow on the console for leverage. "You…mean so many things to me, Mulder. You are everything to me, good and bad." He can't hide the confused, slightly hurt look on his face. I can't stop, though it breaks my heart. "Honestly…honestly…" I clear my throat, this is the toughest part. I speak with more conviction, "I never even knew what danger was, until I met you…So you ask, how can you protect us? If you're not here? I think the answer lies in the question."

I let him take as long as he needs to, to process that as I stare out the window. After we pick up William and are on the way home again, he has processed it. "Come with me, then," he says desperately.

"You know I would, in a heartbeat. Less. But that is no life for an infant."

He sighs, defeated. We don't speak another word the rest of the way to my apartment.

After we return from our talk with Skinner, Mulder wanders off toward the bathroom. I can tell by the lack of purpose in his steps that he is only going there for a moment alone. I feed William, change his diaper and lay him down. I sit on the couch and wait. Minutes later, when he comes back, Mulder sits on the opposite side of my couch. I watch him for a moment, his legs crossed at his ankles and his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the wall. "Mulder…Mulder…look at me." Finally he does, and breaks my heart. His emotions always run right under the surface to me, but now they are even more obvious. His eyes are pink and puffy, and the gravity of my request of him to leave not just me, but William hits me full force. "Oh, Mulder…" I feel the sting of tears in my eyes and turn my face away from him, my face contorting, the backs of my fingers pressing against my lips to hold in a sob.

"Scully…" Even among his pain, I can hear it in his voice. His concern. It does little to comfort me, quite the opposite. I turn my head further away from him and the sob escapes. I have never cried like this in front of him. I'm not quite sure I've ever cried like this in my whole life. "Scully," he says again and I feel him moving closer. I let out an exasperated, desperate sigh and start to stand up quickly. My body swiftly reminds me that I've just given birth and I fall back onto the couch just as he puts his arms around me and pulls me to him. He shoves his hand into my hair and pulls me into a hug, his nose also finding it's way into my hair as he whispers my name again. "It's ok…"

My arms move around his neck, I rest my chin on his shoulder. "No it's not, Mulder! Why?! Why can't we enjoy this for ten minutes without the darkness coming for us?! I'm so…TIRED!"

He nods and makes a reassuring shushing noise, pushing me back enough for him to move his hands to my face. He brushes all my tears away with his thumbs and my hands move to his wrists. I take a minute to compose myself while he brushes hair away from my face, kisses my forehead before he returns to holding my face in his hands. Finally our eyes make contact and I can read him like an open book. He wants me to ask him to stay, to say I've changed my mind.

"No, Mulder…" my face contorts and I have to look away from him again, regain my strength. I kiss the inside of his palm before looking at him again. He is nodding, he doesn't want to but he will do as I ask. He sighs and looks over my shoulder. "Where will you go?"

He clears his throat, but his voice is still raw with emotion. "Not that I know…but you know it would not be wise to tell you that." In mid-sentence it seems, he begins to steel himself, his voice becomes colder and he moves to his side of the couch again.

"Mulder…" he won't look at me again. "Mulder, please don't hold this against me."

He shakes his head subtly, but won't really look at me. "Of course not, Scully."

My eyes fill with tears but I refuse to let them fall. Suddenly, I am stricken with worry and panic. Will asking him to leave force him away from me in all aspects? If there ever comes a time for his safe return, will we reunite as we were for such a brief time? Would this connection stand the test of time and distance? It had been so long already, it felt like a lifetime ago. I curse my hormones, that is far from the most important matter at hand, now. We have a son. I sigh and get up to check on William, sleeping in my bedroom. I stand over him and lightly stroke his cheek. A moment later Mulder snakes his arm around me and rests his chin on the top of my head, also watching William. I still have those doubtful thoughts swimming around in my head, and instead of turning to Mulder for reassurance I push him away. I go into the bathroom and begin to get ready for bed. What do I want reassurance of, anyway? How could I possibly ask Mulder to leave his child for an unforeseen amount of time, and at the same time expect him to return to me in all ways if, no WHEN it's safe to do so.

When I exit the bathroom, Mulder is in the kitchen bumping around, perhaps getting a drink. I climb into bed. When he returns the room is dark except for the light creeping in from the living room, I stay still and he walks up to his side of the bed, behind me. I am about to ask him how long he's going to just stand there when he whispers my name. "Yes?"

"Do you want me to go now?"

My breath escapes my lungs at the thought. "Of course not, Mulder." I keep my head on the pillow but wave a hand behind me, motioning for him to join me.

He quietly undresses and climbs into bed behind me. He scoots up to me and I feel him reach over me, missing my waist by a considerable distance. We both have to laugh despite ourselves at his force of habit, him still trying to hold my pregnant belly. We quickly quiet down as he rests his hand on my flatter stomach and smells my hair. His other arm snakes up under my pillow, finding my hand on the other side and lacing our fingers with his palm on the back of my hand.

"I'll miss you…..so much." He whispers into my hair. I barely hear him say it.

"Will you?"

He smirks, he thinks I am being sarcastic. When I fail to give him my usual nudge of reassurance or a laugh that I was, he raises his head and looks at me over my shoulder, in the near dark. "You can't be serious…?"

I suddenly feel very drained and squeeze my eyes closed tighter, pulling my hand from his grip to rub my forehead. "I don't know."

He makes a sound of disbelief and reaches over me, clicking on the lamp by my bed. He urges me with his hand on my shoulder to turn onto my back. He stays propped up on his elbow, looks down at me and waits. When I finally open my eyes and look up at him he shakes his head, I'm the open book now. "Scully, this is ridiculous."

"You say that now, but who knows how long this will be, Mulder."

He closes his eyes and sighs. "I'm not very good with words, in this way…but I will try." He looks at me again. "I don't know exactly what you were implying with that statement but you have to know, you're the last woman I'll ever be with." I can't help the dry, exasperated laugh that escapes me as I look away. He hisses, "You don't know how damn serious I am right now, Scully!" My eyes snap back to his, telling him silently to be mindful of the baby. He brings it down a notch, but his intensity remains. "You're the goddamn love of my life." His face softens at my reaction and he tucks my hair behind my ear. "You have to know that you're it. And I have to pretend that you'll wait for me, or there's no way I'll make it through this…no way I'll leave." His thoughts trail away as his eyes trail down to my lips.

I pull him down to kiss me, in tears again. "You don't have to pretend," I say before I kiss him deeply. I can feel his relief as he moves his body more over mine, his hand cupping the top of my head. Our kiss soon grows desperate and I lose track of time. Just when I come to the realization that we are losing ourselves, and I feel his heat against me, he pulls his lips from mine with a frustrated noise and pushes me away from him. He turns me to lay on my side again with gentle force and reaches over me to turn off the lamp. He settles in behind me again and keeps his hips away from mine as he rubs my back, urging me to relax. I try to stay with him, to think of things I want to tell him before he's gone but I am asleep before I know it.

Hours later, around five in the morning, I wake up and Mulder is gone. I immediately panic, I did not want him to leave without a goodbye. I look at the bathroom and the light is off, I hop out of bed and notice that William is gone. I run to the living room and am relieved to see Mulder sitting there, holding William. He hasn't heard me yet, so I stand and watch. Mulder is holding William in the crook of his arm, running his fingers over the baby's face as if he's trying to memorize it. Tears fill my eyes and I can't stand to watch it. I go to the bathroom, take a shower and get dressed.

When I am done, I hear William getting fussy in the living room, so I go and take him from Mulder. William begins to calm, knowing a feeding is coming. Mulder and I share a saddened glance. "What are we gonna do today?"

He rubs his eyes, I'm not sure if he got more than an hour of sleep. "I've uh…I called the Gunmen. They're gonna help me clear out my place." I sigh and sit down next to him, my head hung low. He rubs my back and squeezes my shoulder. "I'm…I'm ok with it now, Scully. You're right, we have a child to keep safe. And if I'm a threat to that, I can't stay."

I don't know what to say to him, and that's when William chooses to start getting squirmy in my arms, reminding me it's feeding time. Mulder goes off to get his shower, and I feed and burp William. I then give him a fresh diaper.

After dropping William off at my mother's, Mulder and I go begin the process of clearing out his place. The Gunmen show up with a truck, and we begin loading all the furniture for donation. I volunteer to take his fish tank, it's the least I can do.

After a long, long day of moving and other errands to attend to Mulder's affairs, we are standing in his empty apartment. I'm in the living room, looking around and he is in the doorway to his bedroom with his back to me. I stare for a long moment at him in his jeans, his sweater. He looks so good, I will miss him so much.

"What are you thinking?" I ask, sadly.

But he smiles and looks at me over his shoulder. "I'm thinking…this is where all the magic happened."

I smirk and bite my lip, not the response I was expecting. "Ah…well some of that happened over here, too." I motion to where the couch used to be.

He turns and walks to me, smiling a little. "A tiny bit in the kitchen." I'm blushing now and he loves it, pulls me to him with his hands on my hips. I rest my hands up on his chest. We share a long glance where our smiles fade into sadness, our eyes saying the hundreds of things we want to say but can't find the words for.

He rests his forehead on mine, closing his eyes. "I really would have given it all up, Scully. The X-files, the truth. I never would have said that, before I held William." He sighs and raises his head, looks down at me and moves a hand over my hair before resting it on my shoulder. "But I realized the other night when I was holding him…My father was a part of that conspiracy, and it destroyed our family. That's beside the point, but I'm just saying: Know that I mean it when I say I was ready to throw in the towel. "

"I know, Mulder."

"And now I can't. I've got to work like hell to get back to you, back to William. I don't even know where to start-" He is interrupted by Skinner knocking on and then pushing open the door that was left open a crack.

I step away from Mulder and cross my arms. I smirk up at him when he squeezes my shoulder, keeping his arm around me. He looks down at me and tells me without words there's no point in hiding it from Skinner now.

"I can see you've made your decision." Skinner says to both of us.

"Yes, we have," Mulder says. "I know you don't agree, sir, but look at us." Mulder motions to the cut on his brow, the gash on Skinner's head. "If one of these things were to come for me with a child around…and I can't just stay in DC and not be a part of his life."

"I understand," Skinner says. "What can I do?"

Mulder sighs and nods, somehow relieved to have Skinner's agreement, or at least his support. "Nothing. Do nothing. I don't want anyone around Scully or William involved in this any longer. Please, Skinner," Mulder pleads at the look of confusion on Skinner's face. "I don't need anyone thinking Scully is involved anymore. They probably believe she isn't a threat without me. But if anyone of you stay involved in this, they're gonna think Scully is too."

"All right."

Mulder nods, squeezes my shoulder gently before letting it go. He walks up to Skinner and shakes his hand. "I don't really know what to say. 'Until we meet again,' I guess. Oh, I think I mean 'live long and prosper.'"

Skinner and I both contain a smirk, but I find comfort in Mulder's statement. He's deflecting the awkwardness and that's the Mulder I know. Skinner leaves and Mulder ushers me out after turning off all the lights. We go and pick up William and head home.

xxxxx

Mulder had left us, after a tearful goodbye. I have no idea where he is today. I am lying in bed this morning, trying to picture his face. I wish I had gotten a decent picture of him at one point, I can't believe I never had. I roll over to my nightstand and pull out the badge Mulder had to wear in the Hoover Building. This is only the second time I've gotten lonely enough to pull it out.

I only get a moment for my pity party when William begins to fuss over the baby monitor. I had checked on him a half hour ago when I got up to use the bathroom and he was fast asleep. Now I drag myself back out of bed, go and get William. I bring him out to the living room with me after I change his diaper. I realize I've still got Mulder's badge, I throw it on my desk to put away later. After feeding William I play with him a bit. I so enjoy seeing him smile, I actually cried a tear of joy the first time he smiled and I saw Mulder in it.

I decide it's a beautiful day, I will take William for a walk down to the internet café rather than check my email from home as I usually do.

An hour later I am sitting down in front of a computer. I open my email and skim through my five emails. My first name in the subject line catches my eye first. 'Dearest Dana.' I am moving the arrow down to select the email before I think twice. I know it is Mulder by the return address. The room goes quiet and the only thing I hear is my pounding heart as I open and read it.

I read it once and other sounds return. I watch a woman walk in with her own baby in a stroller. My eyes go back to the screen and tears fill my eyes. 'Dearest Dana.' I know why he has called me Dana. I am stricken with a flashback to that night of the movie premiere in LA.

xxxxx

During dinner he had still been brooding over the big screen portrayal of Mulder and Scully. Afterwards we went to the upscale hotel bar. I ordered a Cape Cod and he a Jack and Coke. They were ridiculously expensive and weak, I was glad for the Bureau credit card Skinner had given us for the night. After two drinks each Mulder and I were sitting at the bar, poking fun at the movie and ourselves. He asked me to dance, so we danced. I knew he was an all right dancer, from that Cher concert. But he really proved his skills that night. My head was buzzing and I was having a great time, laughing at him moving me around the floor. Then the music slowed and we moved in close. We embraced each other as we caught our breath, looking at each other. I felt the tension building up, remembering our first, our only night together a couple weeks previous.

"So, Scully. You seemed extremely interested in that make out scene…" His hand was moving slowly down my back as we danced.

I laughed. "God, that was corny as hell…I think I was resisting the urge to show everyone how it really happened."

He smiled, his hand moving low on my back. "You look beautiful tonight…Dana."

I squinted at him, it seemed forced. Perhaps he was just trying it on. I smirk, "Mulder, don't do that."

"Don't do what?" His fingers were stroking my lower back, right about where my tattoo is.

"Don't get all traditional on me, call me 'Dana.'" He looked confused and I sighed. "Be honest with yourself. You're glad we don't have the banality of a traditional relationship."

He squinted at me. "How'd you know that?"

I smirked. "Well, one: I know you, and two: I feel the same way. Maybe someday, it'll feel right. But for now, I'm Scully. Your Scully." I was smiling, actually giggling a little, had been starting to regret that second drink. I supposed they were stronger than I thought. It occurred to me now that the vodka was probably a higher quality than I had in my college days, so I couldn't taste it. I should have just had one.

"Yes, I do like the sound of that." He hooked his finger under my chin and started to pull my face toward his. Right as I had been turning up to meet his gaze and then his lips, I caught an image of Skinner at the bar. "Mulder…" I tensed up. I leaned over to see better past Mulder's arm. Skinner had been sitting on a bar stool, drink in hand with his back to the bar. Soon as he knew I saw him he put his hand to his mouth, clearing his throat by the looks of it. He turned away quickly, greatly relieved to see his date coming back from the ladies' room, presumably.

"Wow…" was all Mulder could say.

"Uh…yeah. What do you think he saw?"

"I have no idea, Scully." Skinner left in a hurry, obviously his awkward limit had been reached also. "You spotted him before he noticed you had."

"I know…" Mulder and I were leaving too, we had decided that was enough for one night. We were going up the elevators to our rooms. "It's not like he saw much, Scully."

I sighed and leaned back against the wall of the elevator while Mulder pushed the button for our floor. I was too tired to think of what Skinner saw at the time.

"Why was he just staring?" Mulder was standing next to me then, hands up on the rail like mine.

"I don't know…he didn't seem angry…or shocked even."

"He probably figures we haven't done anything yet." Mulder smiled at me and I had to laugh, just let it go and let the cards fall where they would. He took my hand and led me to my room when the elevator stopped. We looked at each other for a moment before he moved in, put his hands on the sides of my face and kissed me deliberately. I kissed him back and seriously considered letting him into my room, but wasn't completely feeling it. Maybe if I hadn't had that second drink…but it was what it was and I was beginning to fall off, fast. Mulder sensed it and slowly ended the kiss, kissed my forehead. "Get some rest, Scully."

I nodded but put my arms around him, kissing him deeply once more before I pulled back and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for calling me beautiful, by the way."

"You always are." I smiled at him before opening the door to my room and watched him walk away.

xxxxx

Looking back now, I wish I would have taken him in. Said to hell with being worried about what Skinner thought, would do to us now that there was something possibly going on between Mulder and I. He had never said a thing, God bless him. I wish the same as I had wished when I thought he was dead. I wish I would have savored every moment with him. Looking at this email again, I understand the meaning of his words, 'Dearest Dana…' 'I'm lonely, Dana.' He's thinking of that night in LA, too. Now, he would give anything for the banality of a normal relationship, and so would I. Anything but his safety, my safety and most importantly William's safety. It breaks my heart to see him admit this in an email, him addressing me by my first name is enough for me to understand just how lonely he is and I'm shaken to the core. How much he's lost the will to fight this fight. He has to be strong. Has to be. I type out my reply. I urge Mulder to be stronger than I would be. At least I have our sweet baby boy, but Mulder is alone. I look up and see the woman with the baby is gone, and I get up to check on him. That starts the whole chain of events in motion.

Later, as I read the print out copy of Mulder's email, the yearning for his presence overwhelms me. When had I given myself to him so completely? And he to me? 'Dearest Dana,' I read again…I know now that we had taken our time together for granted. I swear to myself in this moment that if I ever get him back, I will not be afraid. Facing the danger of our tribulations was bearable, with him by my side. A normal life without him was hardly worth living if not for William, and facing danger without Mulder was paralyzing. I was so tempted to bring him back, to tell him that it hadn't been as safe as I thought it would be without him. But it was just too risky, for now. 'If…WHEN I get him back, I will not be afraid,' I make myself swear again. If we can't face it together, it's not worth taking on.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: So, the super soldier said "One lonely night…" there in Trust No1...well technically in my story there was ONE NIGHT in scully's bed. So there. I'm not going to write Scully's part in "Provenance/Providence" and "William." This part has gotten quite long enough, and was emotionally draining. I couldn't even begin to think what to say that wasn't already said in these episodes. Will be picking up with Mulder POV in "The Truth." And hopefully it won't take as long to write as this one did!


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

RATING: NC-17

CATEGORIES: Story-Mulder POV

KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully relationship

SPOILERS: MAJOR spoilers for How The Ghosts Stole Christmas, Existence, Nothing Important Happened Today, and The Truth. Some of the conversations here are ripped straight from these episodes and a re-watch or at least a read-up on the summaries is recommended if you are rusty. Minor spoilers for others.

DISCLAIMER: Do I really have to say it? I don't own any characters in this story. I only own the action figures, and they don't do anything this cool.

SUMMARY: A fill in the blanks/between the scenes on the evolution of Mulder and Scully's physical relationship.

DEDICATION: This is for you, wherever you are. Thanks for reading!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: (First 4 chapters written late 2012/13, This was posted January 2016.) This is my first serious attempt at fanfiction. Feedback is begged for! But please be gentle! All out flames may be printed out, lit up and fed to that demon baby from "Terms of Endearment." Please forgive me for any discrepancies in the timeline, I admire those who can keep track better than I can.

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For Christmas, she had gotten me tickets to the final regular season Redskins game, vs. the Vikings. She told me not to use work as an excuse to go this time, and I agreed after what happened last time. I asked her to go with me and it was decided. I had gotten her a set of Christmas ornaments, aliens on spaceships. They glowed in the dark. She told me after so many years together, she supposed I had earned a place on her Christmas tree. Probably in the back, though. After we had opened our gifts and thanked each other appropriately, I could tell Scully wasn't ready to go. She still wouldn't be able to get any sleep. I offered for her to stay and finish my movie with me. Christmas Carol had just ended and some other movie I can't recall now had begun. While watching, she had taken off her jacket and draped it over the arm of the couch.

After the movie was over, Scully and I sat awkwardly. My hands were on my knees and she was absentmindedly picking at a thread coming out of a button on her jacket. We both stared at the muted TV. I assumed she was thinking about what Lyda had told her, as I was thinking of what Maurice had said to me.

"You know, Scully," I blurted out, "I, um, I think." I smirked. "I mean, I am sorry for what I said. Asking when you've ever proven me wrong." She tensed. She was looking at her jacket next to her, lightly pulling on a loose thread. "No, listen, I uh…I really meant what I said, this summer…out there, about your rationalisms…and everything."

"Mulder…" I knew with the way she said my name, that that conversation, the near kiss in my hallway was off limits.

My thoughts drifted a few moments, still thinking of it though. Recently in the Bermuda Triangle I had kissed an alternate version of Scully. I looked at this Scully's lips and wondered…I cleared my throat. "What did the lady ghost say to you, Scully?"

She shot me a look.

I'm not sure where my next words had come from, but I didn't like the look on her face after I had asked her if she didn't want to be out there earlier tonight. "I just…it's Christmas, and I feel obliged to tell you that I…appreciate…you." I shot a questioning look at the wall, asking myself what the hell did I think I was proving? That ghost had me in such a funk, Scully must have thought they drove me the rest of the way insane. I finally chanced a look at her and she was biting her lip, looking down at her lap. She had a bit of color in her cheeks, she appreciated my words. That lock of her bangs fell down across her cheek and I hesitated before lifting my hand and tucking it up behind her ear. She chewed on her lip a bit more, and even without direct eye contact, I knew she was uncomfortable. "Sorry."

She turned her face to me, quickly. I pulled my hand away from her face but it lingered in the air between us, I was unsure what to do with it. "No, Mulder. It's not…don't be sorry, I just…" She did that thing she does when she's trying to find her words, her lips parted, her face turned away from me again, her tongue touched the inside of her cheek.

"What is it?" I tentatively rested my arm on the couch behind her.

"What she said, Mulder. She said I follow you because…something about it not being loyalty or..or whatever." She sniffled a little but gave a harsh laugh in spite of it. "I WAS scared…" she bowed her face down a bit, averting her eyes. "I'm trying to remember what she said…"

I can't help but laugh. "Just stop it, Scully. They were putting a whammy on us. Ok?" She smirked and I squeezed her shoulder quickly before putting it back on the couch behind her. "He even used the word 'paramasturbatory.'"

That got a very rare face splitting smile and chuckle from her. "What? Well, maybe…" She gave another rare laugh.

"I know, right? It WAS pretty freaky, he was right about some things. But they were also trying to get us to shoot each other, okay?"

"Yeah…" She still looks doubtful.

"Jesus, Scully, listen to me…" I scoffed and chuckled at once, half frustrated and half amused with her skepticism. "I know he's wrong because he told me I do the things I do because I'm lonely. But I'm not, I got you. And that's what I was trying to say before, whether you want to be out there with me or not, there you are. Except, I have to confess, I did take your keys." We were smiling together, her giving me that 'I knew it' look. "But that wasn't loneliness, it was…I don't know, fun. Ok?" I squeezed her shoulder once more and let my hand linger there. "If he was wrong about one thing, she probably was too."

"Yeah, okay." I caught her eyes and knew she felt better about it. She was leaning forward, looking at me over her shoulder with her elbows on her knees, her chin resting on her hands. I was leaning back, still touching her other shoulder. "Merry Christmas, Mulder."

"Merry Christmas, Scully."

xxxxx

I sit in the dark on this concrete floor, trying to think of what I am going to do. Trying to stay in the present and think of super soldiers, 2012 alien invasions, and what I had learned. But I know I am close to seeing her. I had been thinking of the X-files, planning, running for months. Trying to find a way back to her. All I can think about in this moment are moments with her. That Christmas had probably been my happiest since Samantha was taken. And it wasn't even that extraordinary in it's happiness, by most people's standards I'm sure. But I had been with her.

"What are you thinking?" back to reality. A man in uniform is up in my face, another one behind him.

"Where am I?" I ask.

"Wrong answer." I want to ask to speak to Scully, but I am quickly getting the impression that he was not sent here to cater to me. "What are you thinking?!"

"I'm thinking about getting the hell out of here." I am.

"Wrong answer!" Ouch….his well placed punch knocks the wind out of me. "No sleeping!" He leaves me alone.

xxxxx

When we got to her apartment from emptying my own, I went to the backseat and carefully extracted William from his car seat. We had picked him up from her mother's. The three of us went inside. William started to get a little fussy when we tried to lay him down, and Scully took him. "He hasn't fed in a few hours, my mom said."

"Right…" I smiled and stroked his forehead, looking at him proudly before going out to the living room to wait for her. She had followed though, and sat down on the couch next to me. I had given her a questioning look.

"Do you mind?" She had started unbuttoning her shirt.

"Uh…no, actually." I was surprised at how natural it seemed.

She had smiled at me shyly, a look I remember to this day as she opened her maternity bra and began feeding the child…our son. We had a quiet moment, me watching them in awe until he had gotten his fill. I had asked her if I could burp him, wanting to participate as much as I could in the hours I had left. She had laid a cloth on my shoulder, and I held him. I awkwardly patted his back until he let out a noise that shocked me. Scully had laughed quietly and I smiled at him. "That's my boy…" I said and wiped up some liquid from his chin. I looked back to Scully again and she laughed a bit more.

"A moment only a father could be proud of," she said.

We smiled at one another, before our looks grew sad. I had reached out and stroked her cheek. "Let's not think about it, Scully. Give me a few minutes with him, why don't you go draw a bath or something. I'll lay him down."

"That actually sounds…wonderful. Are you sure?"

"I'll be right there." She had left the room and I looked down at William. He was fading fast. He reminded me of Scully, slowly blinking, trying to stay awake for another few moments with me. But he had lost the battle, as she usually did, and was out like a light. I bounced him a few times, patted his bottom as I got up. I discarded his burping cloth in the hamper and laid him down. I watched him sleep for several long minutes. I had begun to try to imagine what this perfect thing would grow up to be and the possibilities were endless. My eyes began to sting and I had to walk away.

I took a few minutes to myself in the kitchen, getting a glass of water. After I regained my composure, I walked to the bathroom and knocked softly, pushing the door open.

"Mmm?" Scully asked from her bath, barely opening an eye to me. She looked so beautiful, her hair curled up into a clip, candles the only thing lighting her face. I just smiled at her from the doorway, leaning on the door jamb and watching her. "Mulder, stop staring. Shit or get…"

I smirked and walked toward the tub, leaving the bathroom door wide open so we could hear William if he woke up. "Wow, Scully, I think this bath may be too relaxing for you. I'm not sure that's language very becoming of a new mother."

"Shut up, Mulder," she replied but she was smiling.

Finally she opened her eyes as I rested my hands on the edge of her claw foot tub, lowering myself to the floor. One of my knees popped. "Ah, Scully. Is it some universal law that one begins to feel their age once there are children in the picture?" She smirked and closed her eyes, leaning her head forward as one of my hands went to the back of her neck, massaging her gently. We sat there for a few moments in silence as I had moved around to be behind her on my knees, massaging her shoulders. Finally I ran my hands down into the water, scooping up a little of the warm water to run over her shoulders. "What are you thinking?"

"Mmm…" she smirked again, shaking her head, reluctant to say. Upon my squeezing her upper arms, urging her on, she replied. "Universal laws."

"Physics, Scully? You really know how to let your hair down."

She shook her head. "No…I know it's not exactly Universal law, but you made me think of Colleen Azar. Do you remember her?"

I struggled to keep up with her meandering thoughts. "I think…yes. I sent you to her for information?" My hands continued to roam on the skin of her shoulders, her neck, her collar bones, down her arms, up to her jaw.

"Yes…she had said something to me of slowing down, that there was a greater intelligence in all things." I had opened my mouth to form a response, but it was a rare time when I couldn't think of one. She smiled lazily and turned her head to look at me. "You remember when this was, right? Within days of meeting with her, you and I…" I smiled and nodded, I knew. "The conversations I had with her, of letting go of guilt and shame. I thought I was there, getting advice on Daniel, but it resonated with me on some level. And…It seemed to be what you had done already, on your own. You seemed to be at peace, about Samantha. About everything we'd gone through. You seemed content and that day in the office, when I acted the way I did. I think, only looking back now do I realize it, I was holding on to anger at what we'd been through. And anger at what I'd lost. And anger with you for…being okay." She bit her lip at my look of confusion. "How could you be content while we were still living the same lifestyle? And I couldn't, but that wasn't my issue after all…" I understand a little more, but urge her to continue. "She helped me realize something then, on one level, I thought I had been searching for something, and that something was right in front of me. Now, I realize there was also another lesson, I can't let what we're about to go through weigh me down." She had turned her head to her shoulder, away from me, whispering.

She looked like something worthy of a painting, her sadness broke my heart. "Scully…" I say tentatively, unsure what to say.

She forced a smile, raising one of her hands from the water and wiping her face, only smearing water from the bath on her cheek when she meant to wipe away a tear. "It's okay, Mulder." She looked at me again and the look of conviction in her eyes made my love for her expand in my chest, expanding it further than I thought possible. "I recently read an article, in one of those silly maternity magazines at the doctor's office of all places. It spoke briefly on the Law of Attraction. Not the scientific law but the thought process. 'Send out positive energy into the Universe and that's what you'll get in return.'" She smiled at me, at peace for a moment. "I have to stay positive, is what I'm thinking most of all. For my health, for William."

I brushed a lock of her long bangs off of her cheek, back towards her hair clip, resting my chin on my fingers on the edge of her tub. "You always keep me guessing, Scully." I nearly whispered.

"Get in here."

"I don't know…" Without thinking my eyes trailed down to the tops of her breasts, coming up out of the water. They are larger, swollen with milk. "I probably shouldn't." I looked back up at her, admonishing myself for my lewdness.

She had looked disappointed, but nodded. She leaned forward to pull the drain, turning on the hot water, making the water warm again. I sighed and stood, pulling my shirt over my head and dropping it to the floor. She looked up at me questioningly and I smiled down at her, removing my pants and underwear. I climbed in behind her as she scooted up. I nuzzled the crook of her neck as we settled in, her fitting perfectly between my legs. "Thank you," she had said as she rested her back against my chest.

I smiled against her skin. "I'm not one to disappoint, at least I try not to be anymore." I rested a hand tentatively on her upper abdomen.

"Don't I know it?" I could hear the smile in her own voice.

We sat for a few minutes in silence, lightly touching each other here and there as innocently as possible. "Can I ask you something, Scully?"

"Depends." She was smiling, playful in her relaxation.

"When did you know this was going to happen?" I kissed the crook of her neck once again, leaving no question to what I was talking about.

"I don't know…" she was giving it plenty of thought though, it seemed, recalling our time together. "You?"

"I'm not exactly sure, either." We were both in thought for a minute as my hand searched for hers under the water, my fingers laced with hers.

"Certainly it wasn't with Detective White." She tried to come off as sarcastic.

My brain quickly ran through its catalogue, trying to find what she was talking about. "Scully…" I said cautiously as I remembered.

"I'm kidding"

"There was truly nothing there. That whole week was one huge cosmic joke."

"Mulder…don't play the X-file card. I saw you two."

"I'm serious! She was coming on to me." I was laughing a little at the memory. "I admit, I acted inappropriately and invited inappropriate behavior, but as soon as she was on me it felt all wrong. There was no connection there, she wasn't my type."

"Oh? This on the tails of the buxom beauty, Bambi." The tone in her voice when she said Dr. Berenbaum's name was slightly amusing.

"Ah, now…that's a different story." I was smiling.

"Ugh," she pouted, so uncharacteristic of Scully.

I turned her face to mine, kissed her deeply. "She had brains, Scully."

"Is that all she had?"

"Well, no. But you know…it may not be when I decided that I knew this would happen between us, but I'll tell you something. That night we got back, I was laying on my couch and thinking."

"Only thinking?"

I had laughed sharply against her shoulder where I was nuzzling her skin. "Just listen, would you? I had been thinking about her and how her theories, and her passion for them had turned me on, though bugs are such a turn off. Ick." I said as I got an image of roaches coming out of every crevasse in that damned kitchen.

"And…?" She had tensed up, and rightfully so, the way I had been talking of another woman.

"And, I was laying there thinking of how long it had been since I had gotten…involved with a woman that had any intelligence. I was thinking if it hadn't been for that other Doctor, maybe it would have been nice to ask her out. But it occurred to me that she had been missing something I was looking for. 'What could that be?' I asked myself. Suddenly it struck me that she wasn't very well balanced. One of those 'too smart for their own good types.' I had thought, 'it would be nice to find someone smart like her, but with a little more emotion, like Scully.'" I smiled and planted another kiss on her neck, this time higher, under her ear. She huffed out something between a sigh and a sound of disbelief. "It had been the first time I thought of you in that light. The profiler in me became curious what you would be like in a relationship, that night, for the first time. Don't get me wrong, I had looked at you before then and thought, 'She looks pretty today.' Things like that. But…I don't know. I had this dream, that night." I paused as my mind involuntarily recalled the fuzzy image. I think I had been entering her in that dream, my eyes focusing on her parted lips and her fluttering eyelids as she felt me for the first time.

She grabbed my wayward hand here in the bathtub, it had been absentmindedly inching it's way down her abdomen. I cleared my throat and moved my mouth away from her neck, where I had been nuzzling her pulse point, the one spot I knew that got her fired up quickly. "Sorry…"

She had smirked and shook her head, saying my advances were not unwelcome, but simply couldn't be acted on that night. I nodded and pushed her forward a little, embarrassed to realize my mouth and hand weren't the only things making advancements.

I sighed in relief when William began fussing in the other room. She sighed as if she didn't want the moment to end, though. I smiled, relieved I hadn't completely made a fool of myself. "I'll get it." I said and raised myself out of the bath, going for a towel.

I went into the other room and picked him up, and he was still fussy even after a few comforting rocks. I felt his diaper and figured it must be wet, by the puffiness of it. I brought him into Scully's guest bedroom turned nursery, with his future crib and changing table. I laid him down and looked around, deciding I could take on this task. I had found one of his tiny diapers, and a box of wipes. I took a deep breath as I undid the diaper he was wearing, praying for no whammy as I opened it up. Yes! Only number one. I chunked his old diaper and easily cleaned him up, coaching him through it as much as myself in a lowered voice. I somehow figured out how to work the new diaper and got it on him.

I picked him up, smiling proudly to myself before the diaper fell off of him. I smirked and looked down, imagining he'd be laughing at me if he was a bit older. Especially when, as I was holding him up in front of my chest, he began to urinate. "OH, Christ!" I tried to keep supporting his head, knowing that was most important, as I laid him down quickly. I couldn't reach another diaper quickly so I ripped the towel from around my waist, holding it over him while he finished. That's when I had noticed Scully standing in the doorway, laughing to herself. She had changed into her pajamas, waiting for me. "A little help, please?" I gave my best helpless smile. She had smiled and taken over, letting me go.

I hopped in the shower and cleaned off quickly. When I returned, I found a fresh pair of underwear and put them on as she was laying him down again in the bassinet. I sat on the bed and waited for her, my back against the headboard. When she climbed in bed, I stayed where I was and she curled up next to me, both of us agreeing we weren't ready to sleep yet. I had put my arm around her shoulders, she rested her head on my chest. I kissed the top of her head.

We sat there in silence for a while before I had a random flashback, as I often do. My mind often spits up images, out of no where. I chuckled to myself softly. "What?" she asked sleepily.

"I was just recalling…Do you remember that time those frogs fell when it was raining?"

"Oh, God…" She tried not to chuckle.

"Nothing weird about that place, huh? The look on your face…" I laughed at the memory again.

She smirked against my bare chest and we were silent for another few moments. "I got one for you, how about that time you stuck your fingers all in that bile?" She asked, laughing softly. "You're such a hands on guy."

"Mmm.." I smiled. "Ok, well…how about the time you fell in love with a buck-toothed vampire? If we're gonna talk about my love interests, yours are fair game."

"Mulder…"

"Right, right. Vampires don't exist. All right, even better: The time you thought you were getting seduced by me, but it was a guy with a tail."

She huffed and pulled back to look at me, "He didn't have a tail!"

I laughed softly and tugged on her hair, teasing her. "Only because he had it removed."

"Yeah, well…he had moves." She said, coyly.

"Right, Scully. I've seen you around men with moves. Van Blundht had something else going for him with you, like his looks. Just maybe.." I'm being cocky, if only to push her buttons. She blushes and I've won.

"Ok, well. How about that time I shot you?" She smiled in her triumph as my smile disappeared into a look of mock fear, much like my panic face. She laughed and rested her head against my shoulder again and I held her close.

"It's been a good ride, Scully. Trapped on islands a stone's throw from shore in the dead of night or stuck in the woods with moth men. Hell and back, there's no one else I'd choose over you." We were silent for another few moments before I heard her sniffle and pulled her closer. "I still can't recall the moment I knew it would happen. But the first time I knew I wanted it to happen..." I clear my throat, wondering if I should bring up something so painful, but I say it. I want her to know everything for some reason. What if I never see her again? "When I left you alone with Emily, in the hospital. I had known already that your ability to have a child was stripped from you. But the fear of telling you was paralyzing. That night, it was so strange. I had a revelation…on my couch."

"I think I see a pattern emerging here." We both laughed and I squeezed her upper arm, where it had stopped for a moment on it's track of stroking her arm.

"I had been thinking, and I thought 'We've lost the ability to have children because of what they did to her.' 'We,' Scully. All those years ago. The thought had floored me of course, and I hated myself for being so presumptuous. Where had that thought come from? I guess I had stopped imagining that I'd end up with anyone else, even then."

She'd pulled back to look into my eyes again, I saw pain and wonder in her eyes. She was surprised as I had been that I had had those thoughts. "Mulder…"

I squeezed her chin and smiled, trying to comfort her. I continued with my revelations, wanting her to know my innermost thoughts in case it was my last chance to lay them out. "Some time between Bambi and that moment, whether I could admit it to myself or not…which I didn't for a long time, as was my self-absorbed way…as you know…I'd fallen in love with you. Those tapes of mine became a last resort rather than a habit. I'd started noticing you. After your cancer…God, the strength of my emotions would knock me on my ass, sometimes. I was…tired. Tired of putting you through it, for nothing it seemed. But still, I pushed you away. The thought of pulling you in deeper by pursuing something more sickened me. Though I don't know how you were able to resist my charming ways for so long."

Scully smiled and nuzzled my neck. "Oh, it sure was difficult." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"I wanted you to go and I wanted you to stay. I wanted you to make your own life, but I knew by that point that I couldn't do it without you. Remember in my hallway? When I told you that? The words came, forgive my moment of greeting card sappiness, from my heart. But my brain was screaming at me to let you go." I sighed, suddenly tired, doubting myself. "Maybe I should have."

"Mulder!" She backed up to look at me again. "You're kidding right? How far do you think I would have gotten?" I shrugged. She sighed and looked away, deep in thought. I knew her well, and knew she wanted to say something but was trying to form the words. Finally she looked back to me. Do you want to know the moment I knew our relationship had shifted?"

"Of course…"

She licked her lips and my eyes darted to them, mesmerized by the action as I had been for a long time. "Modell…Pusher. He was in your head." Tears filled her eyes in that innocent way they do. "He had you…oh, God." She looked away and brushed at her face, catching a tear as it fell. "He had you raise the gun to yourself and you didn't hesitate. But when it was my turn, you…you…"

"I ALMOST killed you."

She smiled gently and stroked my face, "No, Mulder. I saw something in your eyes. My life meant more to you than your own, and I had my own revelation later. I felt the same." She sighed and looked down, this was taking a lot from her. But she had felt the same, that might be our last night. "And then…when I was sick. You were so…you were unlike anything I'd ever seen. So gentle, so tender."

"I remember the moment I knew for sure." I smiled at her.

She smiled and it warmed my heart. "Do you?"

"You almost kissed me."

She tried not to laugh, she was blushing. "I did not."

"You did. I dropped you off at your car that night after we played baseball and you almost kissed me."

"Think what you want…" She smiled coyly, though.

I hugged her and kissed her lips, softly. "That's when I knew."

"I knew when you kissed me on New Years Eve."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Mmm…" She nuzzled my neck, presumably remembering the moment. "I felt alive." We are silent for several minutes, and I begin to wonder if she's fallen asleep. "Mulder?" I squeezed her arm, letting her know I was still with her. "I understand if you won't answer this, but why didn't you ever tell me you were married to Agent Fowley?" I tensed up. "I did a little digging. It explained a lot. I know it didn't last long, and it was annulled. I just…"

I cleared my throat and sat up a little more. "Well, I guess I should have. There just never seemed a good time." I'm not sure what else to say.

"I think I tried to be, um…this word is so trite, jealous I think? But the way you were only made me that much more protective of you. You're so…fiercely loyal." We stared at each other for a moment before I raised my hand to her face, my thumb stroked her cheek.

"I'm sorry," was all I could offer.

"No…no, no Mulder." She raised her hand to my forearm, squeezing softly. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"I wasn't hiding it from you. Please, understand that."

She quieted me with a kiss, and said with her lips an inch away from mine, her eyes still closed "I love you, Mulder."

"Dammit, Scully." I raised my hand to the back of her head, my fingers tangled into her hair. I pulled her mouth roughly to mine, kissing her like there was no tomorrow. And this time, there really wasn't. She responded with a desperate sigh, and then her tongue entered my parted lips.

We battled back and forth for I have no idea how long until we were breathless and panting, my forehead resting on hers. I hadn't realized I had tears in my eyes until one streamed down my cheek. I closed my eyes until I regained composure. I got out of bed and raised the covers for her, then climbed in myself. We assumed our typical first sleep position and I stroked her hair as she cried, but tried not to, until she was asleep.

I had only gotten a couple hours of sleep myself that night, and woke much earlier than her, around 4 AM. She had gotten up recently to take care of William and I couldn't go back to sleep. She had, easily. I walked around her apartment, in a kind of daze. I found the book she was reading, some suspenseful piece of work that was surely number one on the Best Seller List at that time. I smiled to myself as I picked it up, read the page she was on. I sat down at her desk and wrote 'I love you, too' right on the top of the page. I then folded down the corner of the page, dog-earing it. It was a habit of mine that she despised, but I continued to smile, hoping it would make her do the same when she discovered it.

xxxxx

I had left her that morning, the last time I saw her. I gave them both a kiss on the forehead, both of us not able to mention the fact that it might be the last time we saw each other. We had said our goodbyes the night before, and that was as far as either of us were willing to take it.

"What are you thinking?" Private Dipshit wants to know.

"About my son, about his mother."

"Wrong answer!" He thinks his baton against the wall next to my head will break me. "What are you thinking?"

"What do you want from me?!"

"Wrong answer!" He goes to hit me again and I stop him, we fight over the baton before he tries to choke me with it. "I want answers, you hear me? I want answers!"

This time when he leaves, I force myself to focus. I'm becoming exhausted and it's getting hard to do that. I want to see Scully. I want to see William. What will it take?

I realize that will not happen until I comply. They are depriving me of sleep, of food, and now some of my clothes. They are trying to break me. I will have to give them that or I will probably end up disappeared.

Hours later, still no sign of Private Dipshit. I curl up, unable to resist. I close my eyes for maybe five minutes before he finally shows himself. "No sleeping!" He kneels down on the floor next to me. "Did you hear me?"

"Yes," blank, compliant stare at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking?"

"What should I be thinking?"

"You're a guilty man. You entered a government facility illegally in search of nonexistent information! You failed in every respect!"

"Yes!" I am far from broken, but I will swallow my pride. I want to see my family.

"Say it!"

"I'm a guilty man, I failed in every respect. I deserve the harshest punishment for my crime."

After this, I was given somewhat better treatment. I was allowed to sleep, shower and given two meals a day. I didn't speak unless spoken to, and kept that broken look in my eyes. About a day after I'd begun to comply, I was led into something resembling an interrogation room. Private Dipshit is inside with me, waiting by the door though. His fun time with me is through. I don't ask why I'm here, just stare out the window and wait.

Then I hear a voice that sends a jolt down my spine. "Mulder."

I turn slowly. "You rat bastard, how-what…what the hell, Krycek?" I look to the man standing guard, he glances my way, looking somewhat pleased that I am obviously talking to myself.

"I've come to help you."

I smirk, giving one more glance over my shoulder to the guard there. "I HAVE gone crazy." I cross my arms, "Now I'm seeing ghosts."

"Get the fuck over yourself Mulder, the clock is ticking. They could have your life over this, you have to get out of here…"

"Shut the hell up, Krycek. You and your ulterior motives. If you are 'real,' have somehow come to me from beyond the grave, why should I yet again trust you? You with your duplicity…No, it's not even duplicity. But that's all pointless now, isn't it? With a bullet between the eyes."

"Are you done?"

"Not really, but it's pointless for me also."

"I'm going to tell you how to get out of here."

I smirk, "How?"

"There will be a trial, you have to tell them everything."

I shake my head, "No."

"It's the only way." He says.

I begin to say something, then I hear another voice that sends a jolt down my spine. A much more pleasant one. "Mulder…?"

Keep it together. I restrain myself, and it's not hard to do. I imagine the time after my abduction, when I was so despondent. I imagine I AM, in fact, half crazy now that I am conversing with dead men. It's a tough thing to do, to make Scully worry this way. I want to sweep her up, kiss her madly, ask about our son. I've missed her so much and there she is. But I am aware of Private Dipshit in the corner, know exactly why he is watching so closely. Especially when, at Skinner's mention of fair trial, that he announces that this visitation is over. "Excuse me," I turn away from Scully, unable to take the confused look in her eyes another moment.

Krycek is there again. "You have to tell her."

"No. Not anyone, and especially not her." I mumble.

"It's the only way out. I saved you the other day didn't I?"

"I don't understand, why are you helping me?"

"Because you can't do this alone."

"Let's go," Private Dipshit is escorting me out of the room, and Krycek is gone.

xxxxx

Later that day I am standing in my room, thinking. The door opens and I hear them enter. Skinner and Scully. I don't hear the thud of military boots before the door closes and I know they are going to leave us alone. They must truly believe they've broken me, to let us be alone. That, or they are completely sure that they've laid the path to having me completely taken care of. Either way, I am grateful, for a moment alone with her. Skinner or no Skinner.

"Mulder?" I can't help but keep up the act a bit longer, if only to break the tension, the slight awkwardness. "Mulder…"

"I smelled you coming, Clarice." They look surprised, and Scully looks at Skinner like she has no clue what to do with me. Skinner is standing protectively between us. I just laugh at the two of them.

"Oh my…Damn it, Mulder. It isn't funny to see you putting on that act."

"No, that is funny. What's not funny is what they do to you in here if you don't put on that act." All the while I'm saying this, I'm walking closer to her. Skinner immediately realizes what I'm about to do and quickly moves aside. Scully, to my surprise, allows me to put my hands up to her face and pull her mouth to mine. Further to my surprise, she moves her hands to my face and kisses me back. I'd meant it to only last a moment in present company but it's been far too long and I've only thought about this moment at least 100 times every day. And that only included waking hours. I begin to pull back but feel her smile against my lips, not going anywhere. I smile back and move my hands through her arms, to her side and up her back, into her hair. I deepen the kiss and feel our tongues collide briefly before we cut it off, moving to an embrace.

After a joke to Skinner about getting his turn to make out, the conversation gets serious. But I can't quite keep my hands off Scully and hold her hands and kiss them while we are talking. I think I've got my whole situation under control until Doggett and Reyes enter, informing us that they're saying they've got Rohrer's body. Shit…

xxxxx

A while after Scully and Skinner have left, I am allowed another meeting with Skinner as he is now my council. When he walks into my cell, I am on the floor with my back to the wall. My knees are raised and my elbows are resting on them, arms outstretched. I had been thinking about how much I missed Scully, how good it felt to hold her again. My thoughts had just started to turn to William, wondering as I had many times how big he had gotten, what it would feel like to hold him again.

Skinner jumps right in. "Mulder…there's something you need to know. Maybe it's not my place to tell you, but Scully is still pretty broken up about it."

I look at Skinner and see deep regret in his eyes. I have no doubt this is about William. "Is he ok?"

He fills me in on the danger that found Scully and William in my absence. Of his kidnapping, and everything else. I lower my head and bring my hand up to my mouth, running my fingers over my lips. I stare at the wall and brace myself for bad news. "Your son is SPECIAL, Agent Mulder."

At first I am struck by his force of habit, him addressing me by my former professional title. But then I am astonished by him alluding to William as my son. I had kissed Scully right in front of him earlier. I hadn't considered how much he actually knew, or was willing to admit, though.

"Sir…"

"What, you think I don't know? How blind do you think I am, Mulder? I'm not oblivious to the fact that you two have been through so much more than I dare to imagine. So you found solace in each other even before you were taken. Who am I to admonish that?"

I look up at him, grateful for his tolerance. He squats in front of me, getting down on my level. It's a move completely uncharacteristic of Skinner and I brace myself again. "What's happened?"

"Scully had no choice. You know she never would have forgiven herself if something happened to him. She let him go…She gave him up."

I let my head fall back against the wall and tears fill my eyes. "Oh, Scully."

"I will NOT let you hold this against her, Mulder. You don't know the hell she's been through!" Skinner has no doubt become a father figure, whether he realizes it or not. I appreciate that someone was there for Scully while I could not be. "If you have a problem with her decision…"

"I don't…It's just…" My voice cracks. I lean forward and bury my face in my hands, take a deep breath. Then I move a hand to squeeze the bridge of my nose, then push my fingers into my tear ducts and try to hold it in, letting my head hang low. I left her to protect him, and yet he's still gone. Has it all been for nothing?

Skinner reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing. The equivalent of a Skinner hug, I imagine. I nod, silently letting him know that I'm ok now. He clears his throat and stands up, puts his hands in his pockets and paces for a moment, giving me time to compose myself. I clear my throat once more and run a hand through my hair, my elbows still resting on my raised knees. Finally I stand and rest my back up against the wall, facing him with my arms crossed. We discuss our plan of action for the days ahead.

After several minutes the guard bangs on the door. "Time's up!"

"We'll talk again tomorrow," Skinner says and turns to go.

"Sir…" I say and stick out my hand.

He slowly takes it, looking me in the eye.

"Thank you." I say. He knows what for, for being there for Scully. We shake for a brief moment before he turns and leaves without another word.

xxxxx

In the next few days, I am put on trial, and sentenced to death. Skinner, Doggett, Reyes and even Kersh help to break me out.

After we left the group that I owed my life to, Scully and I were silent for a long moment. I know that she wouldn't stay, even if I asked her to. I know I couldn't stand another moment without her. Just to say that I did, and to quiet my conscience, I say the pointless words. "No turning back, Scully. I can't ask you to stay, but would understand if you did."

She scoffs, "Mulder, my life would in danger if I stayed."

I smirk, "Well, there's that…"

"There's that, and…" she sighs. She gives me a tight lipped smile when I look at her. "You know what else." I do. It's settled, we cannot be apart any longer, but we are not poets and we leave the words unspoken. I give her a nod and put on my blinker to get on the interstate. It is then I reveal to her my plan to go south.

Xxxxx

After a crazy couple of days, with little sleep and lots of paranoia, there's a final meeting with that smug, cigarette-smoking bastard. Afterwards, Scully and I are checking into a hotel in Roswell, New Mexico. Other than the discussion where I did my best to ask her to stay home and not join me as a fugitive, we have barely spoken of where we stand. I had also had other things on my mind when she had told me, a couple hours after we set out, of the fate of the Gunmen. I couldn't decide if it was selfish of me to be relieved that the conspiracy that led to their demise had nothing to do with our quest for the Truth. After we make a dash into our room, through the rain, Scully and I look at each other for a moment in the near dark of our room. After all the running, we are unsure how to just be. I nod toward the bathroom without a word, telling her to get ready for bed. She nods and goes for the bathroom after pulling some clothes out of her bag. I stand there with my back against the door, looking around the room. The gravity of the day finally begins to weigh me down. Scully now knows everything I do, everything I did not want her to know. The "End Game." What are we supposed to do now?

I walk over to the bed and duck down, sitting with my back against the bed. I prop my arms up on my knees and watch the rain on the window, falling faster now, lost in thought. I think of Gibson Praise and pray, to anyone (anything?) who will listen, that he will be safe. I am thankful for what he did for me, though it didn't help in the end. I hope that the people we left behind to fight the good fight will protect him where I failed. Speaking of failure, I think of Scully.

I think of everything that's never been right since she met me. I think of every time Scully was harmed or disappointed in our quest for this Truth. I think of the evil she never would have met if not for me. From cannibalistic chicken factory workers wanting to behead her, liver eating mutants and thoughtograph-taking lunatics to Betts, Padgett and Phaster. Duane Barry, the men who did those tests, the people that killed her sister. She had lost a dog, her health in many regards, Emily and William. Most importantly she had lost her ability to experience life's simple pleasures, her innocence and naivety. All in the name of this Truth that I may not be able to fight no matter how hard I try. Have I ever truly been able to fight it? I curse my own naivety, wondering if I had ever been on the right path.

"What are you thinking?" I hadn't even realized she had climbed into bed, and was watching me. We have a conversation where she reminds me who I am and why I won't give up. I stand and she moves back on the bed, making room for me. I lay down next to her, facing her. She's on her right side and I my left. I bring my left hand across her back to her left shoulder, and my right hand is resting on her left side, my leg kicked up over hers so our chests are nearly touching. I look at the ceiling for a moment and it finally comes back to me, my old determination. "Maybe there's hope…" It's as if being near her keeps my internal flame on. Or maybe she's my flame now. She brings me back, centers me. I am no longer lost. I let myself forget about it all for the moment. I am simply a man with the woman he loves. I close my eyes, hug her closer and find comfort in her rubbing my back and softly nuzzling my face with her nose. We lay this way for maybe five minutes, the hand on her shoulder eventually wandering its way up her neck, into her hair. It's gotten so long, so beautiful. I open my eyes and move my head back to allow myself to look into her eyes. I give her a soft kiss on the lips and slowly find her left hand with my right. My left hand is still enchanted by the softness of her hair, stretching it out gently and then letting it slide down through my fingers.

My right hand has found hers and our fingers interlace. I lay a soft kiss on her cheek, then another on her lips before looking at her again. "I missed you, Scully."

She gives me a subtle nod, reciprocating the sentiment without a word. Our fingers unwind, but our palms and fingers are still pressed together. I look down at our hands. This is something we've never done and I am staring at our hands, charmed by the sight. I've seen her hands, touched them a hundred times but I've never truly realized how small they are until I see them in comparison to mine. My left hand is finally satisfied in its exploration of her hair, and I move my hand to her neck. I stroke it absentmindedly, my right hand doing the same thing against her palm now. I move my eyes away from our hands, back to her face. Her eyes are closed now as she also finds comfort in our reclaimed intimacy. I look at my fingers wandering over her neck and push the collar of her robe to the side, just a bit. There is just enough light to see the spot on her neck, where her collar bones meet. My fingers wander down and my eyes descend on that familiar spot at the same time. I trace my fingers, feather light over her pulse point.

I hear her lips separate and she inhales softly, her head tilting back slightly. My eyes wander to hers and she's opened them again, just barely. When I was in hiding before, I couldn't recall as many of these moments as I wished I could have, so I take a mental snapshot of her as my finger traces over that special spot once more. I'm not sure she's ever looked more beautiful to me. The fingers of our joined hands interlace again as I lower my lips to descend where my other hand has been exploring, on her neck. I lay a closed mouthed kiss there on that spot, brush my lips over it before I lay another kiss. I can feel her pulse accelerating through her skin on my lips and I smile.

I open my mouth, expose my teeth and place them on her skin. I graze them over the spot slowly as I close my teeth into a gentle bite. She exhales sharply and urges me with her hands on my chest to lay on my back. She moves herself over me, straddling me. I move my hand to the side of her face and move her head back enough for me to see her face again. I lick my lips and have to take another snapshot, this one even more beautiful than the last. "Jesus, Scully…" I can't find words to describe how amazingly beautiful she is, but she sees it in my eyes. Tears fill her own eyes and she gives me a smile that nearly transforms my body right then and there into a puddle of love sick goo under her. I am paralyzed by her ethereal beauty so she takes the reins, dipping her head down and kissing me passionately.

The tender moment has passed and morphed into something more carnal. My hand moves up into her hair, pushing her face into mine as I claim her mouth as my property again.

After a short minute of us each suckling the other's tongues, I pull her back with my hand still in her hair enough to take her bottom lip between mine and I bite down harder than I meant to in my eagerness. She grunts in pain but my Scully is far from fragile. She forcefully gropes the hair on the top of my head, positioning her hips so I'm hitting the right spot through our clothes before rubbing herself against me assertively.

I move my hands to her shoulders, pushing her back forcefully. I reach between us and untie the belt on her robe. I take it off of her and throw it away from the bed. I look at what she's got underneath and groan at the sight before me. She's got on one of my t-shirts, a dark gray one. For a moment I am transfixed on her breasts and the way they fill out my shirt. I look to her face again and she takes my breath away. Her lips are swollen from their reunion with mine. She's panting and looking at me like something wild. I move my hand to her back and hold her to me as I flip us over, pinning her down under me and claim her lips yet again. We are transformed into two desperate creatures and I want her now. I raise up enough to grasp onto her panties with both hands.

Just at that moment we hear a wail from the next room and I pause when she immediately tenses up. An infant is crying and I see her crumble before me. My own ardor disappears and I slump over her. For a moment we can't look at each other as the baby continues to scream out. A moment ago we were nearly one being, and now we are miles apart. Finally though, I look at her and it breaks my heart. Whatever anguish my heart is feeling, it must be infinitely amplified on her end. I had only spent a couple days with our perfect son, I couldn't imagine the bond she'd built over the months with him. I move off of her and rest my back against the headboard. I pull her to me with intent and move her to sit sideways on my lap. She doesn't resist, quite the opposite. Her face contorts in her grief and she buries her face into the crook of my neck. She balls her fist against my upper arm, taking a handful of my sleeve into her hand. One of my hands strokes her back and the other rests on her thigh, holding her to me as I rock slowly, doing my best to comfort her. I know she is not only crying at the loss of our son, she has also now had to give up her entire family to join me. But as the baby screams out again she tenses up again and sobs herself, and I know it is still a big, open wound for her.

She doesn't break down completely, but it's enough to break my heart. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you two, Scully. I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry. You needed me and I wasn't there." She had asked me to go, and I would do anything this woman asked of me. Fucking hindsight...

Finally, the child's parents are able to alleviate what ails him. Our room is silent again, and Scully immediately begins to regain her composure. "I'm sorry, Scully," I repeat, it's all I have to offer. I wipe the tears from her cheeks and she kisses my palm, making eye contact with me. She is still beautiful.

"Stop it, Mulder." She leans in and kisses my cheek, I stroke her back. She rests her head down on my shoulder and soon her breathing slows, I know she will soon be asleep.

My Scully…I yet again marvel at the way she can switch off, like a light. I allow her to give in to sleep's tempting numbness, encouraging it with a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you, Scully."

With that, she inhales deeply and feels no more pain. I move my hand under the hem of her shirt and rub her back. I return to the present and begin to dwell on our current situation. What are we going to do? Just drive, I suppose. We would land where we landed.

Before I had left her and William, I took Scully to my bank and gave her access to every last account. If something happened to me, I wanted her to have access to everything. There wasn't much in my checking account, but there was enough in the inheritance from my father to more than provide for the child's future education. Even after I took what I needed to survive when I left her. My heart ached at the thought of it. I tried to imagine William as a young adult and I couldn't. Whether it was too painful, or just beyond me I didn't care. I knew I would forever think of him as an infant and that made it easier somehow.

So now that money, instead of providing for his future, was essential to ours. Scully and I had discussed it in the car on the way to this very hotel. She had withdrawn enough cash to get us through a year, possibly. It was all in a duffel bag in the bathroom right now.

xxxxx

In the chaos at the pueblo ruins, Doggett and Reyes had jumped into our SUV and we told them to leave. We needed to separate ourselves from them, for their safety and for our discretion. We took off in Knowle Rohrer's vehicle.

We saw the explosions behind us and I knew we owed our lives to Doggett and Reyes. Five minutes later when I tore onto the main road, this time going North as we had been advised, I finally looked at Scully. She took a deep breath and pushed her hair back away from her face. I took her hand and just as we had begun to settle in for the drive, she sat up straight.

"Oh my God, Mulder!" My foot immediately rammed the brake pedal, scanning the road for what she saw. When I saw nothing I looked at her, puzzled.

"What's the matter?" She was as white as a sheet.

"I had money…it's in the other vehicle…Oh my God." Tears filled her eyes and she looked like she would never forgive herself. She buried her head in her hands, breathing erratically. It was not just forgetting the money, it was the whole situation weighing down on her. I slammed on the brakes and pulled off the road. I didn't care how fast we had to get away. I threw the truck in park, unfastened my seatbelt, then hers. I hugged her awkwardly over the center console.

She threw her arms around me and began to calm down, forcing herself to. I heard something and turned around, I saw them pulling up behind us. "See now…It'll be ok." I kissed her cheek and put my hands on both sides of her face before I quickly kissed her lips.

I threw open the door and walked toward Doggett, he had gotten out and was standing by the hood of our first getaway vehicle . "Figured you might be needing a change of clothes tonight." He said. I could tell by looking at him that he knew that wasn't all we'd be needing from our luggage.

"Thank you," I said and started walking to the back of their vehicle. He walked with me and helped me transport our stuff. After we loaded it up, I closed the hatch and turned to him. "What are your plans, Agent Doggett?"

"What do you mean, Agent…" he shook his head after I gave him a look that told him to knock it off with the 'Agent' crap. "Sorry, old habit. What do you mean, Mulder?" I never could decide if I hated, or found it amusing the way he said my name. 'Mole-dah.'

"Regarding the X-Files."

"Well, I'm gonna keep peein' in Kersh's cornflakes. That's what I plan to do." He says with a rueful smile.

I truly laughed, remembering the first time I had begun to trust him. I had asked him what he had done to get stuck in the basement and asked him if he'd peed in Kersh's cereal. Then I am serious again. "Listen to me, Doggett. This is bigger than any of us, bigger than you ever dreamed of. You learn those X-Files backwards and forward. Don't just memorize them, LEARN THEM. If they let you back in that basement, that's where you need to start. Talk to Skinner, he'll help you. All I have time to tell you right now is that the date is set. What I learned in that facility, it will affect every single person on this planet. Colonization. December 22, 2012. I'll do what I can, you do what you can."

"What…" he's trying to figure out what questions to ask.

"We don't have time for this, Agent Doggett. I trust you. Don't give up." I hoped that I wouldn't give up myself. I was running on pure adrenaline and vengeance at that moment, but I hadn't been sure if my doubts would return. I stuck out my hand to him. He slowly took it, standing tall. I saw the Marine in him. We squeezed and shook before I turned to look at Reyes through the windshield, she'd been watching our interaction. She smiled regretfully at me, with tears in her eyes. She didn't hide her emotions, this one. I wished I had gotten to know her better. She was one of the most interesting, peculiar people I'd ever met. I would never forget what she said at my hearing.

Doggett was walking to their vehicle, and I to mine and Scully's. "Oh, and Doggett? Don't ever miss out on telling that woman what she means to you." I said and pointed to Reyes, smiled and hopped in, closing the door behind me.

I had smiled to Scully as I put my seatbelt on, put the truck in drive and took off. She filled me in on the money, how much we had. She told me where the rest of it was. She had had no choice but to transfer it to her mother. She didn't want to leave it in either of our names, with us being fugitives from the law now. I had told her I understood and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

xxxxx

Her mother would hold onto it for us, it would be there if we ever got out of this mess. Scully stirs on my lap and I pull the covers back on the bed, moving her under them. She holds onto me tightly and looks up at me, half awake. "I'm here," I say as I climb into bed behind her, stroking her hair, and then her back. She is fully asleep again and after another half hour, I am able to join her.

I wake several hours later to the loud hum of a vacuum cleaner in the next room. The people with the baby must have checked out before sunrise. I stretch my muscles as gently as I can. Backing away from Scully, I kiss her temple before I get out of bed. I go to the window and take a good, long look around. The rain has stopped and the sky is clear. Seeing nothing that sets off alarms in my head I am able to head to the bathroom. I do my business, then strip down and shower. When I emerge in my towel I find my bag and get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. I bend over Scully on the bed and lay another kiss on her temple, this time running my hand over her jaw, urging her to wake up. She makes a face that begs for five more minutes, eyes still closed. How can I say no to that? I smile and say, "I'll be back."

I go to the front desk and indulge in their attempt at continental breakfast. Coffee and your choice of either donuts or kolaches. I sit on a bench out front with my breakfast and read a paper. I can see our doorway from here, so I am ok with leaving Scully alone for now.

After I finish my breakfast and read the paper for a while, I head back to our room. I can hear Scully moving around in the bathroom so I sit in the chair and read a while longer.

When she emerges, I am awe struck. First, I notice her hair. She has it brushed straight back into a ponytail. Usually she leaves the part in her hair when she pulls it up. Next my eyes trail down her shoulders and take in the sundress she is wearing. I praise God or whatever alien civilization deserves it for this shade of green being one that I can register through my color blindness. What do they call it? Seafoam green, I think. The dress has little spaghetti straps, has a modest fit on her chest with three little buttons leading down to a cinched waist. I take at least five mental snapshots. I should be able to fill an album soon. She looks perfect. I miss the little table next to me when I go to set down the newspaper and it falls to the floor. I walk over and stand in front of her, smiling. She has applied minimal makeup, and has left the beauty mark under her nose uncovered. I've seen her without makeup before, but never has she not covered it when she has applied her makeup.

She's smiling sadly. She appreciates my admiration but she is still a little heavyhearted over our encounter, overhearing the crying baby last night. I pull her close and hug her, kiss her temple. She hugs me tight and allows me to kiss her lips innocently before we begin gathering our things. She waits in the truck while I go turn in our key.

Soon I am driving, it was never really discussed where to go. I hop over to the nearest northbound interstate and just go. I check my mirrors constantly, using evasive driving techniques but am not particularly nervous. Last night before we got to the hotel, we came across a vehicle that had been abandoned on the side of the road. What a stroke of luck, it looked just like the one we were driving. I had pulled in behind it on the deserted stretch of road and stolen the license plates. I had pulled in behind a closed diner and buried the old license plates in a dumpster. Unless these were reported stolen, a trooper simply running our plates wouldn't raise any flags. Sure, if we got pulled over, we were probably done for. But I was not going to live in fear.

A couple hours later we stop at a Wal-Mart. We buy a cooler and some supplies to make sandwiches, Scully's a party-pooper and won't let me eat McDonald's. After we have a little tailgate lunch we are walking back towards the store one more time to use the restroom before we get back on the road. On the way back to the truck I take her hand, surprised by how natural it feels. Had you asked me when Scully and I first became intimate, I would have told you we would never look like we did just then. Like any other normal couple out shopping on a sunny afternoon. She smiles at me, but she is still sad. I open her door for her and she climbs in. I move in and rest my hand up on the door jamb, moving my face close to hers. "You wanna talk about it?"

"No, Mulder. I'm fine."

I smirk. "I think I gotta lay down one rule, Scully. Neither of us get to use that word in that context from here on out."

She smirks and shakes her head, pushing me away with a shy smile. There she is. I smile back and lean back into her, against the hand that's pushing me away. I steal a kiss before I close her door, get us a couple bottles of water out of the cooler and we head out again. While I drive she lifts up on her feet to be able to reach further into the back seat. One of the Wal-Mart bags is just out of her reach. I glance over and catch a glimpse of the inside of her leg, her lower thigh, above her knee. I glance back two or three times, still keeping an eye on the road too, licking my lips when it inches up slowly. Finally I hear the rustle of the bag behind me and she's settling back into her seat.

"Eyes on the road, Mulder." She smirks and tosses the bag of sunflower seeds I had gotten in the store toward my lap. I catch it quickly, reacting to something flying toward the family jewels.

I smirk myself. "Easy, Scully."

She smiles and settles in, ripping open a package of pencils. She chooses one, clicks the lead out a few times and opens her puzzle book. Sudoku. God I hate those things. She is immediately engrossed, though. I smile at her fondly before I find something on the radio, turn it up just a little and rip open my bag of seeds with my teeth. I pour out a handful and crack the window to throw out my shells, toss the bag on the console between us.

After several more hours of driving and one pit stop later, it is getting dark. We decide to stop and get a small bite to eat, keep driving late into the night. After we eat, she takes over driving. Her spirits are lifting…we haven't really talked much but I can feel it in the air between us. I lean the seat back a notch or two and eat another handful of seeds. I catch her looking at me a few times and finally raise an eyebrow as I press another couple of seeds between my lips. The only light between us is the glow of the lights from the dashboard and the occasional passing headlights on the other side of the interstate.

She bites her lip, smirks and looks at the road again. I can see her have an internal conversation where she admonishes herself for holding back. I wonder what's changed. "I never told you how much I like watching you eat those."

"Oh, really, Scully?" I have to laugh a little. "I always figured it was an annoying habit you'd love to break me of." I smile and rest my hand on her leg, pushing her skirt up a little so I can lay claim on the patch of skin I had been looking at earlier on the inside of her thigh.

She licks her lips and I see her cheeks flush slightly, but she continues to drive. I reach to the bag and pour some out in the cup holder so I don't have to remove my hand from her leg. I grab a seed, squeeze her thigh so she looks at me when I've got my fingers at my lips. A few minutes ago that's when she had been staring at me so I ran with it. She purses her lips, stares at me for a moment before reaching over and turning on the blinker, taking the next exit. We are somewhere in Montana and there is currently nothing around. But still, I look around. If she wants to stop, of course I will not object. We turn off the interstate onto a farm road. She drives for maybe two miles before she sees a little driveway that darts off between some trees. It goes to a long abandoned little farm house, if that's what you'd call it. It's where farmers stored equipment at one time. The gate has rusted off its hinges and someone has tossed it to the side. We are able to pull in just enough to be concealed from the road, not that we've even seen another car since we exited the interstate. I look at the rickety structure and wonder what it looks like in there. Not bad, maybe, but we're still a ways back from it and the driveway between it and us is impassable and not something I want Scully to walk through in sandals at night. I am about to turn to ask her if maybe she wants to drive on to the nearest hotel, but she opens her door. She hops down, closes her door and is walking around to the back of the truck. I can't wait.

I get out and meet her around back, we both have the same idea apparently. Our mouths meet and I bend down to pick her up as she jumps up onto me, wrapping her arms around my neck, her legs around my hips. I have one hand on her thigh pushing her skirt back, and the other on her back, holding her to me. When I feel her start to slide, though, I turn and press her forcefully against the hatch of the truck. My hand moves up to her head and it's just not the same. I pry my mouth from hers and look at her in the moonlight. My fingers grab onto her ponytail holder and pull it off. Her hair falls and I let the band fall to the ground. I shove my fingers into her hair, satisfied with how much better that feels. She moans softly even before my lips meet hers again. I press my body into hers, hoping I am not making it difficult for her to breathe but Jesus, I need her close. One hand is in her hair, the other squeezing the back of her neck.

Our kisses are quickly not enough and I back away from her a little. We fumble around and I unzip the back of her dress, pull it up over her head. I hesitate with her dress in my hand, looking around for somewhere to set it down. "Drop it, Mulder," she says and I let it fall to the ground. I look down at her and don't even try to contain my moan. Of course she wasn't wearing a bra, in that dress. I hardly have time to be grateful for the full moon, and take in the view before she is reaching between us and undoing my jeans. I kick off my shoes and we fumble around again and somehow get my pants and underwear down around my calves without me having to take my hands off of her too much. We fumble around just a bit more and get her panties off and I drop them on top of her dress. Neither of us want foreplay and now I am prodding at her entrance. She is already writhing as I push into her. This feels like our first time, it's been so long. It's been two years, and it was new to us, even then. She's urging me to keep pushing inside her, even past the pain of not being used to this. I give her what she wants and I thrust into her as deep as I can. I nearly come when her scream turns into the most erotic moan I've heard in my life, and I've heard quite a few.

I pull back and do it again, holding her hips right where I want them to be. She yells out my name and I bend my knees a little, pulling out almost completely before pounding back into her. She inhales sharply, her eyes fly open and I am enraptured that she is coming already. I continue giving her what she wants. There will be a time for tenderness but this was certainly not the night. The only reason I am able to hold back through her moaning my name in that throaty voice and practically begging for more is I can't enter very deeply at this angle, and that's what gets me there.

Finally her convulsions stop, but she's far from sated. She adjusts herself a little so she can move her mouth to my neck, latching on where she knows I like it. "Mulder…" she whispers and bites me. "Take me…"

Holy hell…I can hardly get my knees to cooperate as I step back, her still in my arms, quickly getting the hatch of the truck open. I set her inside and she scoots back into the cargo hold of the SUV. I watch her as I get my shoes off and get my clothes off my feet. Watching her I get my first good view of her body. After she'd had William, she had begun teaching at Quantico. She had not needed to keep herself in the physical shape to be a field agent. She had lost some of her muscle but had still stayed in shape. I had come to love her body before but decided I preferred this look. I climb in and grab her legs, keeping my eyes on her as I lower my face down between them. This she didn't expect. I smirk when I see her trying to contain her excitement. I breathe in through my nose, my eyes letting her know that her eyes aren't the only thing that gives her away. She licks her lips and nods in understanding. When I finally lower myself to my elbows I part her with two fingers and, with my eyes still on hers, I taste her.

I moan against her and close my eyes, my other hand squeezing her thigh. I have always tolerated the taste because I truly enjoyed this myself, but Scully has a taste I enjoy and I'm soon lost in her. I bring her close, and then pull back two or three times until she is writhing under me. "Please, Mulder…" she nearly cries. I nod and bring her close one more time, then I move my body over hers and thrust into her again. She raises her legs high, arching her back. I raise up enough to grab onto one of her knees and push it down to her shoulder, our eyes connecting. I thrust in forcefully, right where she wants me. She comes on the second thrust and scratches my back so hard I've got to be bleeding. I continue thrusting, nearly pounding into her as she comes longer than I thought possible, even after all the porn I've watched.

I whisper against her ear how beautiful she is as she comes down again, but still pants in excitement at my breath on her ear. I smile when I realize this, and hope I can bring her to the edge one more time. I start to move again, slowly this time, building her back up.

She pushes up on me. "Turn over." I don't object because I'm getting carpet burns on my knees and I imagine she's got them down her backside, too. I put my back against the side wall the cargo hold. My hands move to her thighs as she settles herself over me. I hold myself and guide her by her hips. As she lowers herself to me I let my head fall back lazily, but keep my eyes on her. "You don't know… how much I missed you, Scully…"

"Yes, I do…" She bites her lip and whimpers, still sensitive from all we've done so far.

"Don't…stop." I plead and run my hand up her back to grip her shoulder and pull her down on to me.

She nods, takes all of me and starts moving immediately. I'm the one out of control, now. I'm shuddering, here and there. I urge her by my hand on her shoulder to thrust back down onto me when she raises up. I move my hand down, between her shoulders after a minute and hold her still as my mouth latches onto one of her nipples. She nearly wails, deep in her throat and throws her head back, digging her nails into my shoulder. She thrusts down on me once more and we come together. I can't even begin to find the words to describe this one, save mind blowing.

She cries afterwards, but she's smiling. We sit there for a while, lazily letting our hands roam wherever they do. No doubt we'd fall asleep if this truck was even the slightest bit more comfortable, but it's nearly like sitting on a floor. Finally, when her knees start to hurt I'm guessing, she climbs off of me. I make her sit there while I climb out naked, retrieving our clothes off the ground piece by piece, shaking the dust off. She's smiling at me, finding it a little humorous. I'm smiling because hers is infectious. I pull on my boxers and she her panties. I help her get her dress over her head, she stands on the ground and puts on her sandals. I zip the small zipper of her dress then kiss her shoulder. We hear a car coming, the first since we parked here. We both watch the road and see a state trooper pass. We look at each other, he keeps going, then we hear the high pitched squeal when he applies the brakes on his car.

"Oh, shit!" I'm standing here in my boxers…I quickly grab my shirt and put it on. Scully lets out a little laugh. "Shut up, Scully." I look around, quickly and I don't see one of my shoes. I pull on my jeans and am buttoning them by the time the state trooper is at the end of the driveway, pulled off the road. No doubt he sees me doing my pants up as Scully hands me my missing shoe. He gets out of his car and walks towards us.

"Good evening, Officer…" Scully says, laying on the charm. This is actually a dangerous situation. We cannot afford to have him ask for our IDs, or run the license on the truck. If the plates have been reported stolen, they might as well pick up my orange jumpsuit from the dry cleaners, because I'll be needing it tomorrow. I sit on the bumper and put on my socks and shoes while Scully deals with him.

"Good evening, ma'am…I saw a light here and I'm not used to seeing a soul on this road all night after about 9 o'clock."

"Yes sir…we just stopped to take a break, we've been driving all day."

He looks at our license plate and my stomach drops. "New Mexico, huh? That is a ways. Where are you headed?"

"My aunt is ill in Saskatchewan, near Regina. We are going to visit for a week or so, my boyfriend is going to do some repairs around the house for her."

I have to keep myself from smiling too big. At one time I would have bit my tongue and went along with the act. But now, it's just humorous, and kind of endearing to hear her say it.

"I see…you mind if I look in that cooler?"

"No, sir!" I say and open it up myself. He walks over with a hand on his weapon, following procedure to a T.

He takes a short look, of course only seeing bottles of water, lunch meat and nearly melted ice.

"All right…you two get along, ok? Maybe find a place to stay for the night." He takes a look at my tousled hair, where Scully had been groping, smirking to himself before he goes. He radios in that everything checks out here before getting into his car and heading off.

I get up and stand in front of Scully. The look that passes between us is a mixture of relief, agreement on the necessity to be more careful in the future, and finally humor. She starts laughing and I am reminded of our first case together. She was laughing in the rain at what would be the first of many times that we came to some sort of agreement on things. She had been laughing at the absurdity of it all. It hadn't been long before she'd lost her innocence, and no longer found the same joy in connecting the dots. I push the thoughts of Scully having to harden, to build an outer shell all because of our quest for the Truth. It had made us who we were today, of course. What we had become left want for nothing, save our son, the yearning to continue searching for answers and finally how to stop the events that had already been set in motion.

I would never again, though, put any of that before her. If I did not have her, I had nothing to fight for. I withdraw from my head and return to her, smiling and tucking some hair behind her ear. "Boyfriend, Scully? Really?"

She laughs softly. "I'd like to thank the academy…"

I laugh once, her wit is one of the many things I adore. With a hand on the back of her head I pull her in for an affectionate kiss. Our urgency and need to reunite gone, we complete our reunion in this one kiss. There is a promise to face the future together. My lips slide innocently over her bottom lip before pulling it between mine in a completely nonsexual manner. My hands had come up to cup each side of her face and after I give her upper lip equal attention, I kiss her forehead and she moves her hands up to my forearms, holding them as I look down into her eyes. We give each other a look much like after our first kiss, with a bit more mischief.

"Thank you for coming with me, Scully. I couldn't do this without you. Not anymore."

"I know, Mulder. Asking you to leave was the wrong choice, but I was grasping at straws. Thank you for doing it nonetheless, and thank you for understanding about William."

I do not want her to fret over that. "Scully, I—"

She shakes her head and presses a finger against my lips, then moves her finger and places a chaste kiss in its wake. She shakes her head and looks at me, her eyes conveying that she's on her way to coming to terms with the choice she made. It will always be an open wound, but wouldn't become ugly and infected as mine for Samantha had been at one time. I pull her close, wrapping my arms around her back as she wraps hers around my neck. We hug tightly before she raises her head and kisses the bottom of my jaw. I close my eyes.

"There's no one else I'd choose to fight the future with, Mulder. You know that. I'm yours."

* * *

 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading. I wrote most of this last section years ago with the rest of them, but the writing bug left me and this took much longer than I meant it to! But with my recent rewatch and the new episodes, I found the inspiration to at least finish this chapter. Years ago, I had also written parts of one more after this, but I think I will leave it here. I just can't wrap my head around how they went from that last conversation in The Truth, to how domesticated they were in IWTB. I am loving the new mini series though (two episodes in) and was inspired by how everyone involved redeemed themselves.

:) The truth is out there, again. :)


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